


Youth Reviled

by OktobersSon



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: (not the mains), Alternate Universe - High School, Bottom Tyler Joseph, Character Death, Dissociation, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, First Kiss, High School Student Tyler Joseph, Inspired by Fanfiction, M/M, Murder, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Secret Admirer, Slow Burn, Stalking, Student Tyler Joseph, Teacher Josh Dun, Teacher-Student Relationship, Top Josh Dun, creepy polaroids, skipable non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:48:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 61,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25557598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OktobersSon/pseuds/OktobersSon
Summary: More specific tags to be added as they come into play so I don't give away too much.Letter Excerpt: "You look so beautiful when you sleep, so serene, so peaceful. I wanted to share that big bed with you, it looked so empty without me, but I know you’re not ready for that, you would have awoken too soon, panicked, maybe screamed, it would not have ended well for either of us. So I will just have to keep that scene for my daydreams. For now.But imagine it, if I did, if you didn’t freak out, I would grind up against you, waking you slowly, then ride you, once you were awake enough to enjoy it with me of course. You would love it..."Joshua Dun is a bio-sci teacher who’s been receiving letters from a secret admirer. The content of these letters is graphically sexual. Unfortunately he’s been unable to work out the identity of the sender. As time goes on, six months eventually passing, the letters still show no signs of stopping. And soon it’s not just letters Josh has to contend with.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Comments: 66
Kudos: 40





	1. We set the stage

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Innocent High](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8352403) by [Deeshow_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deeshow_2020/pseuds/Deeshow_2020), [OtakuZombie16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtakuZombie16/pseuds/OtakuZombie16). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***OVERHAUL COMPLETE / FEB2021'***
> 
> Notes:  
> remember im not from America so the day/period set up i'm using is from my time at secondary school ye old years ago (6 to be precise) just makes life easier.
> 
> the day goes as such: day start: 8:45 p1, p2, 1st break, p3, p4, lunch break, p5, day end: 3PM
> 
> tardy / tardiness = late. wasn't sure if that was a phrase in other places.

**DISCLAIMER // HONESTY HOUR:**

**I kind of got carried away and made an AU of a fanfic** after rediscovering **Innocent High** while looking for some comfort fic during quarantine, after the first couple of chapters this fic goes in a very different direction, to the point it’s not just a perspective change - it’s a completely different work, a far darker more drawn out take, but the first few chapters (+ the letter writing premise as a whole) are still too similar for me not to recognise the original. This is basically a rather dark homage to Innocent High if you want to look at it that way.

_Although you won't need to have read the original I suggest you at least go and pay your respects, for this would not exist without her._

 **PS:** I suggest you heed the bloody tags - à la don't like don't read. I’ll keep them updated accordingly.

*******//**

“Today’s lesson plan? How to give a rim job. I’ll let you bury your face in my ass and eat me til I scream.

From, Your one true Love”

Wrinkling his nose at the graphic imagery Josh lent back in his chair, letting the note flutter onto the desk as he did so. Perplexed he stretched his arms above his head trying to relieve the stress building in his shoulders and neck. Having dealt with such notes for going on six months, starting the same month he joined the science department, he was beginning to get concerned that they still showed no signs of letting up. The most he had discerned so far was that his admirer was very likely one of his students. The individual knew his schedule well and no matter how long he spent at his desk on any given day a letter still managed to find its way there before school let out at 3PM. Josh had initially brushed them off as a student with a crush, half hopeful they’d grow bored and stop of their own volition, as such he never once brought up the letters to his classes or co-workers - hoping his lack of reaction would prompt the sender to move on. At 24 and in his first real position, no longer just a teaching aid shadowing someone more experienced, Josh didn’t want to rock the boat and cause any of his co-workers to think him incompetent for being unable to deal with something as standard as an enamoured student. He was young, male and taught the sex-ed module for Biology, what did he expect? But that was when the notes were still fairly innocuous, they’d always had a creepy sexual overtone but it had been easier to overlook in the beginning...

“Please sir, I want to claw my nails down your back like nails on a chalkboard. Promise I’ll be good if you let me.

From, your horny little Admirer”

Up to that point Josh didn’t have so much as a suspects list. At first he’d kept an eye on his usual trouble-makers who might have considered it a fun prank, but as time wore on, month after month ticked off the calendar, that idea started to seem more unlikely. The most Josh had worked out was that his admirer was male, or wanted it to seem that way, but that was about as much as they’d given away.

“Teacher, I’ve got a confession: I’ve been a bad boy. Won't you keep me after class? Tie me up, teach me how to behave, make me beg for you?” 

From your naughty little Slut”

Josh struggled to wrap his head around why anyone would want to waste 6 months writing him such explicit love notes, he wasn't the tallest, most handsome, or even the most extroverted amongst the faculty. It just didn’t make sense to his low self-esteem why anyone would fixate on him; his own anxiety had prevented him even asking for help dealing with the letters. Josh could think of several better candidates, especially amongst the PE and art staff, and yet here he was 6 months in and already dealing with a hardcore stalker who sent him letters so dirty they made him, a biology teacher, blush like a 16 year old virgin.

A quick check of Josh’s watch confirmed what he already knew: 5PM had come and gone. The students had been released 2 hours prior and Josh was also good and ready to escape following a stressful Thursday - of which the letter had merely been the icing on the cake. As he hurried across the campus Josh felt the hairs at the back of his neck start to prickle, ducking his head he pulled his jacket tighter around him in deference to the attention. Despite not being the first time he’d felt watched after hours it was happening more frequently as of late, causing Josh to become concerned at the possibility his ‘admirer’ was beginning to grow bolder, and what that meant for him. Just the thought made cold sweat break out across his palms.

Friday rolled around overcast and slushy, with the promise of snow on the horizon. Glancing out of the nearest window Josh lamented the weekend couldn't come soon enough, the wintery weather putting a damper on his temperament. Crossing his fingers in the hopes any snow held off for the weekend, or until next week... Or forever. Waiting patiently for his class to seat themselves, grabbing notebooks and pens from their packs as they did so, Josh rose from his desk coming to stand before them once they’d quietened down sufficiently,

“Good morning class, hope you had a good first break, today we’ll be-” Unable to finish introducing the lesson, a scuffle at the door cut him off as a late student rushed into the otherwise still classroom. The class, momentarily distracted, turned to stare at their late peers' sudden appearance, effectively ignoring Josh. A brown haired youth blushed dusky pink at the sudden attention, attempting to get an apology out around his embarrassment.

“Uh... Sorry... For ahh... Uh... Being late,” Voice barely above a whisper even in the silent room, his brown doe eyes stared unblinkingly up at Josh from under long lashes, resolutely ignoring the staring cohort. Without waiting for Josh's response the skinny teenager swiftly made his way to his desk, dropping into his seat he hunched over staring hard at his notebook clearly trying to block out the wave of snickering and giggling that followed him across the room.

“Well you're not too late so I won't write you up this time, what’s your name again?” Josh asked, several beats of silence passed while the student seemed to hunch further, using his poor posture to make himself as small and easy to ignore as possible. Eventually Josh received a response, however the tardy student kept silent, gaze lowered he picked at a loose thread around the thumb-hole he'd chewed into the cuff of his black hoodie.

“His name is Tyler Joseph, sir,” One of the female class members spoke up in quiet Tyler’s stead, Josh smiled in thanks to the polite student before electing to move on with his lesson.

“Okay! As I was saying before we were interrupted, we are going to be discussing and viewing several examples of STDs today,” Josh gathered up a stack of papers from his desk as he spoke choosing to ignore another round of amused snorts and giggles from some of the more immature members among his pack of 16 & 17 year olds,

“Following your introduction to these 6 diseases you will pick one you find most interesting and create an informational presentation about it. Your project can be done individually or in small groups of up to four. The information on what to include and examples can be found on this project outline. If you have any further questions not answered by the outline, please ask me after class," Josh walked down each row of desks placing a project outline in front of each student while he spoke. When he got to Tyler's desk the teenager still seemed nervous, hesitant to meet his teachers eyes when he took the offered outline. Josh idly wondered if Tyler was still worried about being in trouble for his tardiness, but ultimately decided it wasn’t worth drawing the class's attention back to him by assuring Tyler he wasn't. Completing his circuit of the desks Josh made his way to his own desk, giving the students time to give the outline a cursory once over and pick their groups before he commenced the introduction to the diseases. Passing back by Tyler he noticed his mouth quirk into a tiny smile as he hastily started jotting something down in his notebook. Coming to a stop at the front of his class Josh waited for all eyes to be on him before continuing the lesson. 

Images of different stages of Syphilis filled the screen of the smartboard, the students' faces twisted in disgust, one or two tinged green around the edges.

"We will only be studying six types of STDs today. This is Syphilis, there are 55,000 new cases in the United States every year. The disease is spread by dirty needles, unscreened blood, Mother to baby during pregnancy, labor, or nursing. And everyone's favourite un..." he points at the class in general awaiting their reply,

"Unprotected sex," They unenthusiastically chime in unison. Josh started to walk around the classroom again, checking the class was paying attention as he spoke,

"Very Good! Syphilis starts off as nothing more than a painless sore. As the sore disappears it’s followed by a full body rash that lasts 4 to 10 weeks. Unlike more common STDs you won't actually get many of the more common symptoms like coughing, itching, or general discomfort etc. Following the initial stage the disease enters dormancy for a few years before beginning to attack your organs such as the brain, nerves, heart, or eyes. Without treatment, syphilis can severely damage these and other organs, which can be life-threatening." When he came to a stop at the front of the class, a student with a question stuck her arm in the air.

"Yes, Holly?" Josh asks, twitching the whiteboard pen toward her raised hand.

"Mr. Dun, is there a cure?" She asked, looking concerned while she rolled her pencil across her notebook repeatedly, a nervous habit Josh suspected. 

"Yes, there is! Early stage syphilis can be cured with antibiotics. Now on to the next slide," As well as Syphilis the class goes over Genital Herpes, Gonorrhoea, Trichomoniasis, Chlamydia, and Human Papillomavirus. Once they’ve gone over the sixth disease Josh turned off the smartboard, taking a seat back at his desk,

"Okay guys, any questions?" He asked. Looking around the room he gave everyone time to decide if they needed to ask anything, the faces looking back at him were a mix of disgust or amazement, however nobody raised their hand. 

"Well you have about five minutes left so you can talk to each other quietly, or start working on your project." Josh stated as he glanced down at his watch, electing himself to get a head-start on a stack of papers that needed grading over the weekend while the class wound down from the lesson. Once the bell rang signalling the end of lesson he wished them a good weekend as they began filing out of the room,

"Have a good rest of your day and a great weekend, don't forget I’ll have the project due date on the board from Monday," He continued his grading as the students saw themselves out, chatting idly or making plans for their weekend, engrossed in his grading as he was Josh didn't notice a student hovering next to his desk,

"Mr Dun," The nasally whisper to his right was so quiet Josh almost missed it over the din students making their way through the school halls; the door had been left ajar allowing the sound to bleed in, until a quiet sigh and nervous shifting of clothes caught his attention,

"Oh! Uh, yes?" He replied, looking up, somewhat surprised. Recognition quickly dawned on his face as he gathered himself, "Oh, Tyler! Did you have a question about the project?" Tyler held his books close to his chest like a barrier between himself and the rest of the world, giving off an overall vibe of unapproachable angsty teenager.

"I...would l-l-like to.. I just wanted… Actually, never mind," He mumbled, blush plastered across his nose for the second time that hour. Shifting his weight from foot to foot nervously for a moment he turned suddenly fleeing out the door. Josh sat back in his chair confused, absentmindedly he tapped his pen against his chin lost in thought about the enigmatic youth. Until that Friday, if asked, Josh couldn’t have picked Tyler out of a crowd, he tended to blend into the background of some of the more vibrant personalities amongst his peers. Josh resolved to pay better attention to his quieter students, he didn't want any of them feeling forgotten. As he'd often felt at their age.

4th period was his free hour so Josh continued his marking for another 40 minutes before getting up to walk a couple laps around the empty classroom, attempting to stretch the cramps from his legs. As he made a third pass by the door he noticed a piece of paper slipped partially under the cheap grey plywood. Dread stuck thick to the back of his throat as he made his way toward the nondescript envelope, already prepared for what he was going to find before he’d even picked it up. Letter in hand, he dropped back into his chair heavily, tearing into the envelope to confirm his suspicions, no surprise another letter from his admirer stared back at him.

"If you want to kiss me or hit me I’d still let you fuck me. Cuddle me or choke me I’d still let you blow me. 

From, your sexy Slut.”

Suddenly blanketed by a feeling of complete exhaustion; a feeling common following a new instalment from his admirer, frustration and confusion battled for prominence in his mind, letting the letter fall to the desk he dropped his head into his hands with a despondent sigh. After taking a few calming breaths Josh uncovered his eyes, gaze passing over his forgotten grading an idea struck him. He shifted through the papers comparing the handwriting of each essay with that of his admirer, making his way through the stack he got to the end grumbling with frustration when none of them matched. Out of curiosity he fished out several of the prior letters he’d received that week, curiosity compelling him to compare them with each other. At that point Josh noted the letters themselves didn’t even match. They appeared to alternate through several different handwriting styles. Some letters were blocky and uneven, the pen being pushed heavily into the page as the admirer penned it. Others were long and looping, almost cursive, each letter painstaking even and joined in graceful flowing strokes. Others still were a mix of the two, each word different than the one that came before it. Josh would have commended the length his admirer went to, had the letters not been both sexually depraved as well as addressed to him. 

As it so often did when he was considering the conundrum that was his admirer, time had gotten away from Josh. With only half of lunch remaining before classes resumed and yet to eat he hastily packed away his grading as well as the letters at which point he pulled out his lunch, eating as fast as he dared without risking choking. Eating alone was a common theme for the majority of Josh’s working life. Large, noisy crowds such as those found in a cafeteria had always made him uncomfortable, causing a tightness in his chest and claustrophobia when he had to sit in the thick of it. Combined with his struggle to make small talk like that needed to get by in the smaller more private setting of the staff room Josh found it easier to eat in the relative peace of his empty classroom; the sounds of students passing the hour on the field outside his window provided a quiet background ambience rather than the headache inducing cacophony of the lunch hall. Tthe bell signalled the end of lunch rang out noisily, in response Josh quickly shoved the last of his food in his mouth while taking long pulls from a Red Bull to wash it down while setting up the presentation for his P5 class. 

Thanking his lucky stars final period goes by fast, both Josh and his students eager to have the day over and done with so they can get on with their weekends, he’s already left alone in his classroom once more. Going over his plans for the coming week Josh is surprised by a knock at the door, fully expecting to see a student wanting to hand in late homework or ask questions on current projects he’s confused upon opening it to find nobody there. Although he leans a little around the door-frame to check up the hall for a retreating student, he's already concluded whoever knocked did so without intending to hang around to speak with him. Deciding not to dwell on the mysterious callers reasons for running Josh turned to head back inside, at which point his foot lost grip and slid out from under him, gripping the door-frame to steady himself he cast his eyes downward in confusion whereupon he finds a fuchsia envelope, baring a red heart encircling his name as well as the addition of his own dirty shoe-print. Heart immediately sinking as he acknowledges the more extravagantly coloured and adorned could mean nothing good Josh bends to retrieve the now dirtied envelope from where it lays non-threateningly on the ground.

"Not another one," He groaned quietly to himself, it's not the first time he’d received multiple letters in one day but Josh had hoped with Friday already drawn to a close he’d gotten his weeks worth. Carefully ripping his latest adoration open, the intensity of his nerves closer to that of a letterbomb than angsty teenage love poetry, Josh tried to prepare himself for whatever depraved new step his stalker had taken. Hesitantly pulling out a second plain envelope from within the pink decorated outer, of which he tipped the innerds into his waiting left palm, barely glancing at the contents before he was dropping everything back to the ground. Horrified at the contents Josh stumbled back, bumping up against the door-frame as he doubled over himself, hands flying to his mouth, his anxiety flaring violently with each gasping breath clawing out of his throat.

The second envelope contained an image of Josh sleeping. Blissfully unaware he was sharing his most personal space with a visitor of unknown identity and intent. The picture however hadn’t been taken from outside his window by some second-rate midnight peeper, rather it had been taken from inside his house, inside his own bedroom, his secret Admirer breaking the private sanctity of Josh’s home. If the date on the back of the picture was truthful then his intrusion had only been the night prior, and it left Josh crushed by the dread now gripping his heart. He felt sick. Stomach threatening to release the burrito and red bull he’d consumed during lunch. He wanted to curl up into a ball, sleep for an eternity and hope when he woke all the letters and insanity of the past six months would just turn out to be a nightmare churned up from the depths of his anxious subconscious.

Gathering himself and the letter from the floor Josh returned to his desk, gingerly lowering himself into his seat he smoothed the letters contents onto the cheap surface before resting his jaw in his hands chewing on the side of his index finger in an attempt to quell his all-consuming panic. When he decided he was sufficiently clear headed Josh flipped the image to read the full text on the back,

"You look so beautiful when you sleep, so serene, so peaceful. I wanted to share that big bed with you, it looked so empty without me, but I know you’re not ready for that, you would have awoken too soon, panicked, maybe screamed, it would not have ended well for either of us. So I will just have to keep that scene for my daydreams. For now. 

But imagine it, if I did, if you didn’t freak out, I would grind up against you, waking you slowly, then ride you, once you were awake enough to enjoy it with me of course. You would love it. Me riding you as you moan my name, just the thought makes me hot for you Mr Dun. I can't wait for you to take my 'innocence'. It’s getting boring practising all alone with just the thought of you to keep me warm at night. But I know, for now at least, I’ll have to be patient. I love you, eternally and forever, Mr Dun.

From, Your sleepy little whore."

It’s the longest letter yet, with each passing word Josh felt sicker, fear churning through his stomach akin to a rip-tide through a stormy ocean. Quickly reading through it a second time he then ripped the picture to shreds. Once the initial wave of nerves passed, anger followed swiftly on its heels, jaw clenching painfully as he balled his hands into fists. Something close to the end of his tether Josh resolved to find the identity of his secret admirer. Gathering the shreds of the photo he dropped them into the bin as he exited his classroom. Marching across campus Josh determinedly ignored the lingering sensation of being watched that crawled a static trail down the back of his neck, spine ramrod straight as if the mere act of standing tall could chase off how cornered he felt at the mercy of his unseen shadow; who had now proven more than willing to invade both his working and private life.

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **DEC28 - Aaaannnnd i’m still not happy with it. i will resolve to do even better for you in future.**
> 
> Thanks for reading, remember every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription fuels my caffeine induced writing haze. - Novi


	2. Act I: Acknowledgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starbucks is a safe place for many. Josh included.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as of the end of this chapter we're already heading into AU territory. No hugs for Tyler. 
> 
> Secondary school over here:  
> starts from year 7 (often referred to as first years where I attended) who are aged 11,  
> this goes up to year 11 aged 15 - 16,  
> then there's what we call sixth form: years 12 & 13 who are aged 16 - 17 and 17 - 18 respectively. from what I've researched you call those final years juniors and seniors, i think?  
> but for my ease I'll just refer to them by year group i.e year 7, year 10, year 12 blah blah when needed.

Josh entered his home as though he was viewing it for the first time, spooked at every creak, bump or settle, every lengthening shadow cast by the setting sun, behind every door lay a new territory to be scoped out. He passed from room to room checking around, under or inside every piece of furniture a human could feasibly use as a hiding place, even a few places he knew were impossible just to be sure. Ensuring he went to every door and window to double check the locks before trying to settle in for the evening, trusty metal baseball bat at his side the whole time.

Attempting to calm the pulse galloping at his temples Josh switched the TV to the most inoffensive channel he could find - cartoons. But even with the bat across his lap, the cheerful colours and sounds of children's programming warming the atmosphere of his living room as well as every bulb his home had to offer turned on to chase away any lingering darkness, Josh found himself incapable of relaxing, every sound or flickering shadow he couldn't immediately place the origin of had his spine stiffening, heart pounding and chest tightening. Nausea long since returned killing any suggestion of dinner, and hands clammy as they kept a death grip on the bat Josh checked the wall clock: 6PM had only just come and gone… He was in for a long night. The winter sun was almost a memory on the horizon when Josh gave up trying to settle, re-donning his shoes he swiped his keys from the sideboard by the door and left the house that no longer felt like home.

Needing some neutral ground to soothe his frayed nerves he headed for the cheeriest, brightest place he could think of. The local Starbucks. Only once he was safely ensconced inside the coffee house, as brightly lit and welcoming as a Christmas tree on the 25th of December did the knot just above his heart begin to unwind. 

"What can I get for you tonight, sir?" Asked the cheerful barista. Hysteria creeps in at the edges of his vocal cords, making it crack worse than a prepubescent choir boy, causing Josh to clear his throat several times before he managed to reel off his order and pay. After scrawling his name on the side of a large cup the barista waved him to the end of the bar while his order was prepared. Wandering over to a row of tall chairs in front of the nearby windows to wait, Josh idly watched the scenery in spite of the anxious corner of his mind pressing him to scan every passing face for his stalker. The logical half of his mind argued that he’d have to know the identity of his admirer to be able to spot him if he did happen by. Josh felt an oncoming headache begin to pulse behind his eyes. Trying to act normally; not like a man trying to outrun a phantom, he rubbed soothing circles into his left temple, simultaneously staring out the window as he did so, lost in his warring mind Josh startled when a voice to his right softly called his name.

"Hi, Mr Dun..." Josh’s head whipped round in surprise to find Tyler sat in the chair next to his, caught off-guard he tried to bolster what was left of his positivity in an effort not to come across as rude to the twitchy student

"Hey Tyler... I didn't expect to see you here so late," Despite aiming for polite he suspected from Tyler’s unsure countenance he wasn't looking particularly approachable.

"Yeah... Well, uhh... I work here?" He mumbled, sounding more like he was asking Josh than telling him. Beginning to worry at his bottom lip, a bad habit not out of place for Tyler's generally nervous manner, Josh couldn’t help the quick flit of his gaze from Tyler’s mouth when he did so. He settled for awkwardly looking just past Tyler's shoulder to be safe, the last thing he needed was to get caught staring at his students' mouth. That was a situation liable to cause a whole heap of extra problems he frankly didn't have the wherewithal to deal with alongside his current stalking situation - an issue he'd arguably already let get way out of hand.

"Oh really?" The suspicious undercurrent flavouring his tone was impossible to hold back, not only was Tyler not wearing a uniform, Josh hadn’t seen him behind the counter any of the numerous times he’d stopped by the Starbucks before. Which was often. When he wasn't drinking Redbull he was sure to have a coffee in hand.

"Yeah..." Tyler all but whispered sadly at his shoes. Not enjoying Josh poking holes in his story.

"Well, why aren't you in uniform?" Josh kept pulling the thread of Tyler’s fabrication but he was beginning to feel a little mean. Feeling as though he was picking on one of his own students just to make himself feel better about everything wrong in his own life. Tyler stared at Josh floundering for a believable response, after several beats of silence he simply shrugged and went back to looking at his shoes. 

"So... You don't work here?" By this point Josh sounded just as confused as Tyler, yet he couldn’t help the relieved amusement slipping in between his words. Secretly happy for shy, awkward Tyler to continue distracting him from the dark shadow lying in wait at the back of his mind to once again terrorise him when he was alone again.

"Well... I do... It's complicated," Luckily for Tyler, he was saved from digging the lie deeper when one of the barista’s called Josh’s name. As he moved to retrieve his coffee Tyler quickly offered, already out of his seat without waiting for a reply. After grabbing the coffee he wandered back with a smile on his face, clearly pleased with himself. Whether due to escaping the awkward hole he'd just dug himself or because he was happy Josh let him fetch his coffee, Josh himself wasn't entirely sure. Tyler handed him his drink before retaking his seat, a small smile still quirking up the edges of his mouth.

Josh elected to drink his latte at the coffee shop, genuinely thankful for Tyler’s quiet company and not quite ready to tackle the dread that settled across his shoulders every time he thought of returning home. Several blissfully calm minutes ticked by before Josh began to get a familiar creeping sensation up his spine, the feeling usually reserved for leaving the school after hours, immediately alert he scanned the thinning groups of pedestrians hurrying through the cold outside. No one appeared out of place or lingering to stare at him so he turned to Tyler, deciding to start a new conversation in an effort to take his mind off the discomfort prickling across his scalp. Finding Tyler, chin resting on his left palm, openly gazing at him with blown dark pupils any words died on Josh’s tongue, momentarily taken aback by the weight of his gaze, opting to return Tyler’s stare with wide-eyed discomfort as his student made two languid sweeps of his body.

Feeling like a deer in the headlights Josh mentally shook himself in the wake of the conclusion his mind conjured to explain Tyler’s odd behaviour - had Tyler been checking him out? He felt like he'd just been mentally undressed by Tyler's stare alone, the youth hadn't even said anything, hell he'd barely even blinked. Trying to dispel the thoughts as quickly as they came to him, Josh chased mental circles with the vigour of a racing hound as he attempted to find an adequate explanation to satisfy his anxiety which had returned with a vengeance. Eventually growing exhausted with the mental gymnastics he admonished himself with the reminder it was on him to sort his head out and stop projecting his problems. Discomforted, perplexed and worrying about the state of his mental health Josh chose a safe topic to engage his student in conversation about, deciding to leave Tyler's lingering stare in the past.

"So, Tyler, have you made a start on your project?" 

"Kind of, uh... Sir," He answered, awkwardly unsure how best to address Josh off campus. Much to Josh’s relief he looked away briefly as he shrugged his jacket back on, breaking eye contact, and immediately pulling the hood up despite them being sat inside. Josh took a long pull of his drink before responding.

"Do you need help with anything? I have a free period Monday if you do," He offered, feeling sheepish at the knowledge he'd offered not just out of willingness to help his student but just as much for the company, which would likely prevent him receiving a new letter for the entirety of his free hour.

"No, but thank you," Tyler smiled politely, Josh returned the smile with a halfhearted quirk of his before checking his watch. It was well past 7:00pm. He couldn't put off returning home forever, moreover it wasn't fair to keep using Tyler as an excuse to stay out late. Resolve returned Josh stood up, finishing off his drink before throwing away the empty cup, Tyler following along at his side, who then proceeded to follow Josh out to his car.

“Well, this is me,” Josh said awkwardly nodding toward a red Buick, subtly trying to hint that Tyler should stop following him now they’d reached the parking lot. He’s thankful when Tyler immediately picked up his intent, not before despondently kicking his foot in the grey slush accumulating along the curbside however, he merely nodded his goodbye without saying a word as he started to walk away. Josh instantly felt guilty, a notion not helped by the sleet he already felt soaking into his hair, causing him to make a split second decision he came to regret not a moment later.

"Uh.. Hey.. Tyler!" Tyler stopped dead at the sound of Josh calling his name but didn't turn around. Simply twitching his head in Josh’s direction - listening. The motion was fluid, his posture straightening with it, giving a subtle broadening to his slim shoulders. The movement struck Josh as a little strange, the action at odds with what he already knew of Tyler's personality, almost making him seem like an entirely different person. In spite of the anxious current raising goosebumps across his arms Josh knew he had no choice but to follow through on his previous poor decision.

"This weather sucks, did you want a ride?" Before he'd even finished his sentence Tyler promptly spun on heel and headed back to Josh - who was still regretting his decision next to the car.

"Yes please," He answered polite as ever, smile already firmly back on his face when he moved to get into the passenger's seat. Josh had the troubling realisation this nervous teenager was a lot more manipulative than he’d previously let on. Their car journey was comfortably quiet save for Tyler directing Josh to his house, the night outside cold and uninviting as the sleet continued to fall, slowly turning into something softer, almost snow but not there yet, the little icicles softened and smeared the passing lights outside the window. The heater on blast and soft indie on the radio combined with Tyler’s nasally directions to create a companionable ambience for the duration of their journey, the affect lulled Josh into a false sense of security, almost making it possible to pretend the events of the past day and unease his own house brought we’re just a figment of his overworked imagination.

"Stop here." Tyler commanded, the neighbourhood they’d pulled up in was nice, Josh would go as far as to describe it as stereo-typically suburban. Perfect for families. He found it difficult to wrap his head around why he found that notion so hard to associate with Tyler. After all, his awkward, shy student had to come from somewhere.

"Hey, Mr Dun?" Tyler whispered, phrased as a question; shifting in his seat to look at him Josh waited for Tyler to clarify. The moon caught Tyler’s eyes making them appear as twin black pools, absorbing all light around them, finding himself enraptured, caught up in Tyler’s gaze for the second time that night Josh almost missed as the skinny teenager lent in closer. Almost.

“Tyler?" Josh hastily retreated in his seat, spine bumping into the car-door pinning himself against it akin to a butterfly in a glass case, "What you are doing?" 

Tyler aborted his movement; an awkward twitch that racked him bodily, an obvious mental argument about whatever he’d initially planned playing out across his features. He settled for an awkward apology almost as an afterthought.

"Sorry… Mr Dun. I was... was going to, uh... Hug you? Yeah. For taking me home, because of the... Weather and stuff," Tyler rambled lamely, staring at his hands where they twisted nervously in his lap, he glanced up at Josh from the corner of his eyes, unable to maintain the lingering eye contact that had characterised their evening.

"Oh. Okay Tyler," Caught off guard Josh felt so far out of his comfort zone he wasn't sure of the right response. Although he was thankful Tyler had only been planning to hug him over anything else. He was beginning to feel overwhelmed. He should have just let Tyler walk. Josh’s evening only seemed to be going from bad to worse, and he really didn't want to find out how much worse it could get. Tyler capitalised on Josh's hesitation immediately, seat-belt already unbuckled,

"Please don't watch me walk to my house. My parents will ask like 100 questions if they see someone dropping me off," Mumbled but firm, Tyler didn't trip over a single word as he threw open the car door, stepping onto the quiet wet street he hurried into the night without so much as a backwards glance. The dark clouds overhead threatened worse weather to come as they drifted across the pale moon making the black clad teen almost indistinguishable amidst the gloom. More than happy to comply with his students last request, Josh only waited for Tyler to get a couple paces toward his house before driving off.

Lost in thought as he so often was when he drove, for the duration of the journey back to his house Josh hesitantly considered if Tyler could be his secret admirer, it didn’t take long for him to become disgusted with himself for projecting onto one of his most anxious students for the second time that night. Only serving to make himself feel worse when his thoughts drifted to nostalgic remembrances of how similar he had been at that age. Arriving back to his dark, foreboding house, Josh swept each room checking for signs anyone had been inside during his absence. Rechecking all the locks on the doors and windows he finally felt reassured enough to go to bed, even so he laid awake for what felt like an eternity, aluminium bat dutifully laid out in the empty space beside him. His brain ran itself in exhausted circles until his eyes grew too heavy to keep open, finally permitting Josh to drift off for a fitful, nightmare fuelled sleep.

Saturday saw Josh waking sluggishly, covered in a thin film of cold sweat and groaning at the mid-morning sun filtering in through a crack in the blinds, extracting himself from the sheets he’d knotted about himself during his thrashing nightmares his first port of call was a long hot shower, followed up by coffee in the largest mug he owned. The faded sandstone curtains were still partially drawn casting a muted hue on Josh’s somnolent morning, perched awkwardly on his stool the wrong side of the decrepit kitchen island Josh tried not to bash his knee on the empty wine-rack; courtesy of a wishful thinking previous homeowner, idly scratching his thumb into the cheap countertop he tried to convince his uncooperative appetite to finish his breakfast. Pushing eggs and soggy hash-browns around the plate for a few minutes more he finally gave up. Instead he downed the last of the coffee and got to his feet, sore back making itself known by orchestrating a crackly protest. At which point Josh made his way around the island with the intention of finally opening the curtains, the caffeine now pumping through his veins fortifying him enough to deal with the sun despite his less than perky mien. 

Stepping through the archway separating the kitchen from the dining area Josh paused. Something felt off, as though his subconscious had already worked out the room was no longer as he'd left it the night before but his eyes had yet to catch up. Staring a while longer he mentally checked off the major areas an intruder may have tampered: windows still firmly shut, curtains still left partially drawn, the small oak table and chairs didn’t look out of place… Scanning the tabletop Josh’s breath stuttered in his throat, sat in the centre of the red glass bowl of knickknacks on his dining table was an envelope patterned in candy-cane stripes, propped up between a stress ball and a roll of duct tape. Struck dumb for a moment Josh stared at the little tableau before him as his thoughts began to race; why the duct-tape? How had he missed either upon entering the room? He tried digging his toes into the cream carpet to help ground himself, the knowledge of a second intrusion causing his anxiety to spike in such a way he was glad his lethargic mood kept him from finishing his breakfast. Josh plucked the letter from the dish, still unable to decide if his would-be stalker intended the duct-tape as a threat or an incredibly fucked up gift. Slicing open the red and white envelope with a pen knife from the dish a letter as well as a blurry Polaroid slid into his waiting hand, decidedly not mentally ready to glance at the new Polaroid Josh unfolded the letter,

"You were on my mind a lot last night, you seemed so lonely when I saw you, are you lonely Mr Dun? You don't have to be, not anymore. I must admit my thoughts strayed a little... I started thinking about how beautiful you are when you’re lost in thought, tapping those clever fingers on the table while you think, then I couldn’t stop thinking about what your fingers would feel like touching me, how they'd taste on my tongue, feel down my throat. Then I got carried away thinking about what else would taste good, feel good, in my mouth, inside me. 

It made me a little sad knowing it was my own hand jerking me off, but it still felt good, I just wish I had the real thing, my imagination can’t satisfy me forever. But I know you’re not ready yet. I can be patient. For you I can be anything.

A picture for a picture? I know you ripped the last one up. It got me real mad until I realised you’d probably prefer a picture of me over anything else. Hope this brings you as much satisfaction as I got from taking it. Maybe you’ll touch yourself while you look at it, thinking of me?

From, Your very lonely Boyfriend" 

There was a long swathe of unknown substance smeared under the closing signature, carefully avoiding the tainted corner as he refolded the letter Josh wrinkled his nose at the suspect stain, resolutely not dwelling further on what it was. It didn’t take a detective to recognise his stalker had upped the stakes for a second time in as many days, not just with his pictures but also through the gifted duct-tape as well as signing off as his ‘boyfriend’, Josh considered what he could have possibly done to encourage such a signature or gifts, moreover what that meant for his continued safety. His stalker had gone from creepy but fairly legal love letters to very illegal breaking in and photographing him while he slept - seemingly overnight and after appearing to keep predictable boundaries for six months. It was the velocity and extreme change in pattern that had Josh so concerned, because instead of fearing what he might do, Josh was now more concerned with what his admirer wouldn’t do. 

Toying with the idea of contacting the police now his admirer had openly broken several laws Josh's anxiety taunted him with the reminder that it had taken him six months to finally consider that a viable option. What would the police think about that? No doubt they would also want to speak with the school faculty... The very same faculty he hadn't alerted to the inappropriate letters when they started six months ago. He swiftly came up short when he realised he’d been the one to rip up the only actual evidence of a crime: the image of himself sleeping plus the note confessing to the break in. Josh’s admirer had also very cleverly worded his latest letter so’s not to incriminate himself. What could the police even do? There was no culprit to detain, the handwriting changed from letter to letter making it even more difficult to track him, and Josh had no evidence anyone had broken into his home or that any crime had ever taken place. He could already predict what the police would say: ‘come back when you have evidence the individual has done something illegal.’ or ‘come back when you know who it is and we’ll tell them to stop sending you terrible love letters.’ Frustrated, Josh knew he desperately needed to learn the identity of his admirer before trying the police. Discarding the letter and envelope on the table he returned his attention to the newest picture, half expecting to see himself staring out from the glossy square, not really believing his stalker would jeopardise their identity so blatantly. 

A cynical part of Josh had him rolling his eyes at the sight of a Polaroid, muttering an unamused ‘how unoriginal’ before he barked out a shocked laugh despite himself, surprised at how desensitised he was becoming to the insanity of his current life. Steeling himself for the worst, Josh grit his teeth then forced himself to stare directly at the image. A feeling of deep unease and vague familiarity slammed into him upon viewing it. Before him purposefully displayed against a shadowed, spartan background were the long lithe limbs of a young male. Miles of creamy skinny leg took up the majority of the picture. A little blurred, the obviously self taken shot was framed only from the chest downward, and the taker had partially cut off half of their right hip but it didn’t detract from the pose, they were knelt up on plain white sheets - legs spread, right hand offering the only privacy to their otherwise naked body, covering the juncture of their thighs but nothing else. 

The Polaroid was intended as provocative, shameless even, simultaneously wanting Josh to see him bared but not yet willing to give away his identity, this was just another love note in his admirers mind, but the dark background, blurry awkward angle combined with the photographers alarming thinness had the polar opposite effect. A lump stuck in the back of Josh’s throat made swallowing increasingly difficult as unease shivered through him, however the vague sense of familiarity kept drawing his eyes back to the figure in spite of him wanting to have nothing further to do with the image. The figure's hand to be exact, bringing Josh further discomfort the more he had to squint at the crotch area of his stalker, trying to work out what exactly seemed so familiar about the pale revel of limbs splayed for his eyes only in the 4 by 3 inch square. Like a brick to the back of his head Josh crashed into his epiphany, free hand coming up to tug at his brown curls when he shot from his seat in sheer vindication. 

A bruise. A large mottled purple and green hue spread from just below his admirer’s pinky finger, stretched halfway across the back of his hand before continuing down over the wrist joint. Alarming in both size and colourful intensity, the contusion was not something to be ignored or forgotten. Josh knew without a shadow of a doubt he’d seen that bruise, and he knew it was adorning the hand of one of his own students. Not that the knowledge brought him an iota of peace or comfort, but it confirmed his suspicions as well as narrowed his field of search. The sands of time and anonymity were dwindling for his phantom stalker, all Josh had to do now was pay a little extra attention while teaching and try not to lose himself to his anxiety every time a kitschy envelope arrived on his desk or kitchen table and the whole ordeal would all finally be over. 

Sunday arrived all at once and was gone as though it had never really existed. Following Saturday’s less than stellar start Josh had attempted to wear out his racing thoughts by going for a run, followed up by a cold shower and then another round of security checks for every door, window and viable hiding spot his place had to offer. He vaguely disguised his walk-through as a thorough house clean to make himself feel better about knowing it hadn't mattered how many times he’d checked previously his intruder had still found a way in, by the end of Saturday his home was the cleanest it had ever been, cleaner even than the day he moved in. The stress and physical exertion left Josh feeling less frayed at the seams though no less concerned for his welfare, still he knocked back a nightcap of whiskey in the hopes that alcohol could keep his nightmares at bay prior to climbing into bed. Limbs and mind satisfyingly heavy with exhaustion after several days of high stress, he had no problem falling into a deep dreamless sleep, the lingering knowledge that at any moment his admirer could be trespassing in his home pleasantly smothered by the whiskey.

Which is how Josh crashed into wakefulness Sunday afternoon unsure of what year it was let alone which day of the week. Glancing at the LED clock on his nightstand almost toppled Josh out of bed through sheer surprise, the cheerful red hues informed him the hour was about to journey past 2:30... in the afternoon. Not since his own university years had Josh risen so late without the excuse of a chronic hangover or illness. Scrambling out of bed, he threw himself through the shower faster than the water could touch him and choked back a quick breakfast of buttered toast with coffee. Once his 'morning' routine was out the way Josh did a quick security walk through of his home, checking for any new letter. Satisfied nothing had been tampered with he sat down to get through the last of his grading and lesson planning for the coming week, after a couple focused hours passed his eyes began straying to his watch as the afternoon crept into evening, he resolved to fit in a run even if doing so kept him out after 10PM. Despite living in a less than safe neighbourhood running after dark no longer filled Josh with the same level of worry it once had, the knowledge that there were far more dangerous things much closer to home; sometimes even in his home, gave him a level of blithe disregard where once his anxiety held him back.

Monday morning however, found Josh’s fingers slipping as he tried to knot his tie, barely able to meet the eyes of his own reflection, lower lip bitten raw before he’d even left the house. Suddenly everything felt more real, while it had been shocking to receive a picture of himself asleep, face relaxed, unconscious to the terror stalking him in the sanctity of his own home that picture was scraps now and felt like a figment from a week long-forgotten. Saturday’s picture however, proved beyond doubt his stalker existed, in all his gangly teenaged youth, mole dusted thighs and pink kneed glory, this was a real person, this wasn’t Josh’s mental state finally cracking, his long time demon anxiety finally drowning him in the oceans of his own irrational lunacy. The ordeal had been so much easier to ignore when he could pretend his admirer was some faceless omnipotent phantom; the thought process akin to when a corporation fucked him over rather than a someone he knew, seemingly more hopeless to fight and somehow less personal without a face or name to put to his aggressor. Now Josh actually had something of a viable lead, he couldn’t float by washing his hands of any responsibility, he had to find the identity of his stalker or gather enough evidence of his intent to harm to make the police take him seriously; preferably without getting himself hurt in the process. The tired part of his mind which had resigned itself to this new reality, the same part making fun of his admirers cliched Polaroid, delightfully reminded Josh if he did receive retribution for trying to out his stalker the police would certainly have no choice but to take notice. Preferably before he wound up dead in a ditch somewhere.

Once he arrived at work Josh didn’t hang around in his car checking his planner or quickly downing a red bull as he usually would. Not only did he not want to be left alone with the various stalker related 'what if’s' ricocheting around his mind, he had first years for P1. The majority still fresh faced and eager to be at school meant several would already be loitering outside his classroom, seeing no reason to make them wait when he was already on campus and more than able to check his day planner from the comfort of his own desk Josh made his way to his classroom, letting both him and his plucky 11 year olds inside; several informed him of their weekend happenings all at the same time, making it impossible to follow a coherent thread of who did what, when or where. Between chatting with his students and placing graded work on the appropriate desk for the kids to look over as they arrived it was near enough time to commence lesson so Josh gave the class a couple more minutes to finishing catching up before commencing the lesson.

“Unfortunately we are going to be doing a bit of work from the textbook for the first half of this lesson," Josh’s statement, no matter how apologetic, was met with a chorus of groans. Some times textbook work was genuinely unavoidable but no matter how many time he informed them of this they never took it to heart, "So if first row could grab the books from the shelves under the blue display board then everyone take one and pass the stack back, that would be great. You’ll need to start on page 37 section 15 and read through to the start of the next chapter, we’ll have a quick discussion to check your understanding after I’ve done roll-call then we can move on to your main task for this lesson. Okay?”

The first row moved to fetch the textbooks as instructed while Josh perched on the edge of his desk to make sure everyone was quietly reading rather than trying to carry on earlier conversations or pass notes. Having to reprimand only a couple of the usual suspects he was satisfied the class was getting on with the set task so he moved back to his desk chair with the intent to begin roll-call. The computer beeped alive as normal, when prompted he typed in his password and hit enter... Only to be met with a 22-24" full screen version of the Polaroid he'd received Saturday. Josh drew in a sharp breath, left hand flying up from the keyboard so he could anxiously bite down on the knuckle of his index finger to prevent any further audible reaction, he didn't need to see himself reflected in the monitor to know how alarmed he appeared, with his right he quickly tapped on the notepad shortcut titled 'READ ME' so he didn't have to look at the now familiar sprawl of naked limbs any longer than necessary, 

“I know you kept my picture. I’m so glad you loved it. I hoped you would. You don’t carry it around with you like I wanted but that’s okay, I took the liberty of updating your boring school background so now you have a way to look at me no matter where you are. By the way I've got a surprise planned for later today, look out for it, you'll know it when you see it.

From your mischievous amused Amore,

P.S Password180688 is a sucky password. Anyone could break into your computer if they wanted to bad enough. It's your birthday right? I made a note of it once so I wouldn't forget. It's not so far off, we'll have do something since it'll be our first together, I promise I won't forget.”

“What the fuck,” Josh bit out through clenched teeth, left hand leaving his mouth to smack against the edge of the desk in frustration. A few members of the class giggled at their straight laced teacher swearing so callously, others jumped in surprise at the sudden outburst. One boy meekly asked if he was okay, while another of the more polite girls let out a gasped ‘Sir’, exaggeratedly dragging the ‘r’, her eyes round as she stared over her text-book at him. He apologised quickly through an embarrassed grimace, already feeling guilty for the slip up. Had this been one of his older classes Josh would have easily brushed it off, able to laugh and joke even with the more straight-edged of his students. But he didn’t like behaving so crudely in front of the seventh years, especially due to the sensitive nature of their current module. And now he’d ruined the polite illusion. All thanks to his secret Admirers idea of.. What? A joke? Was he truly deluded enough to think this was helpful or sweet? Or was the wording intended to be facetious? Josh didn’t know, but he was pissed no matter the intent.

Despite no one having the time to use or meddle with his computer between his stalker changing the background and him arriving that morning, Josh was still aware of the chance his projector could have been on or a student could have been close enough to glimpse his monitor, leaving him rattled before the day had a chance to fully begin. Not to mention the final comment about doing something for his birthday. For Josh that comment alone had started a countdown timer as he sincerely didn't want to find out what his admirer could have planned, thereby adding an extra level of stress that left Josh breaking out in a cold sweat at the prospect of failing to discover his stalkers identity in the 4 months left until his birthday. He tried to carry out the rest of the lesson as normal as he could; once he'd worked out how to change the background to the default school logo on pale green and white. Moreover, he remembered to delete both the 'READ ME' as well as the photo file, but he could tell several of his students had been left uncomfortable by the unexplained nature of his outburst which only added to his already poor mood leaving him both exasperated and irate in equal measures for the rest of Monday. 

The day passed in the fairly standard Monday manner, the majority of his students morose about the weekend being over made for inattentive lessons, they had little interest in discussing bodily functions or sexually infections diseases, but no more surprises or letters appeared and for that Josh was thankful. He made sure to pay close attention to his 2 older classes of the day, specifically close attention to their right hands. Finding no bruises he scratched a couple of young lads off his mental list after getting a decent look at their right hands; finding a new admiration for students who walked around jacket-less or with their sleeves rolled up even in the frosty February weather as he did so. At the start of the day he'd been nervous about getting caught trying to stare at students hands, which as a standalone notion was creepy as hell, but with the bruise being his only lead Josh had little choice. By the end of the day he realised it wasn't that difficult, students didn't pay him much attention when he wandered between the desks, checking over shoulders under the guise of looking at their work or answering questions. As such he returned from work feeling a lot better than when he'd left that morning, not 100%, the residual stress from the computer incident left him unnerved, but otherwise he was hopeful. Josh dropped his work bag on the lowest rung of the sideboard, heading left and chucking his keys into the red dish on the table as he passed through the dining room to the kitchen, pouring a glass of water and digging out a protein bar to snack on before his evening run. Once that was complete Josh felt ready to wind down for the evening, deciding to start off with a hot shower to relax his exerted muscles before starting on dinner, upon walking into his bedroom he promptly dropped his running shoes in surprise,

“What the fuck,” He exclaimed for the second time that day, gazing around the room in shock. The master bedroom has been turned into what Josh could only describe as a shrine, “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck…” 

Josh repeated the panicked mantra to himself as he walked around the room, trying to process what he was seeing. The Polaroid that he'd been sent Saturday was everywhere: blue-tacked to the walls, propped up on any available surface, slid into the frame of his mirror, several hung from the duct tape off the ceiling lightshade, more still were scattered about the floor around his bed; the sheets had been left haphazard and clearly slept in. The pride of the fucked up tableau was clearly intended to be the grey and red striped boxers that had been left on his pillow. To save his mental state in whatever small ways he could Josh decided to save dealing with those for last.

Upon closer inspection he determined that the images weren’t all exactly the same, while some were different poses or angles, others only ever so slightly differed: an arm 3cm to the left here, knees parted an inch wider there.. As though his stalker was a perfectionist, having to attempt a subtly different pose many times over before he'd found the one that satisfied him enough to send to Josh. Yet for whatever reason he still hadn't been able to part with imperfect takes, which had now been chaotically distributed about his bedroom. In an effort to give his hands something to do apart from tear at his hair Josh started to collect up the images as he paced. Upon reaching the full-length mirror hanging on the right hand wall his eyes fell on 2 red sticky notes he hadn't previously spotted amongst the carnage of pictures, banners and bed sheets, the first merely stating ‘I promise you a surprise didn’t I?’ in heavy blocky letters, the second, in flowing cursive, was longer, Josh peeled it off to read,

“I was thinking to myself while changing the background on your computer this morning: if Mr Dun loves my picture so much, maybe I should gift him the full set? Until I realised how many there were, that’s how I came up with the idea to decorate the whole room with them rather than just sending them with our daily correspondence. 

Your sheets smelled so good I couldn't help taking a nap in them, it felt nice to finally get to sleep in your bed, it's twice the size of mine but felt just as lonely without you there. One day, soon, I promise.

I took a gift for myself out of your washing pile, I didn't think you'd mind since they were already dirty, but I left you mine as a trade off, so it's basically a gift for a gift?

I'm sorry I couldn't give you a hint earlier, but that would have ruined the fun of the surprise. Anyway can't wait to see you on Tuesday. Enjoy.

From, Your beautiful Beau”

Overwhelmed, Josh let the sticky note float to the floor as he lent back against the wall for support, leaning his weight into the hand on his knee he swallowed roughly several times to keep himself from gagging. For several drawn out breaths Josh continued to try and calm the turbulent roil of his stomach and painful tightening in his chest to no avail. Eventually giving up and sliding to the floor, he allowed his head to fall back against the wall with a dull ‘thunk’. 

And if a few stray tears tried to escape his eyes, well there was no else there to see them.

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact but Josh predicting the police would just tell him: come back when you have evidence the individual has done something illegal is a paraphrasing of what I was told to do when dealing with a stalker. 
> 
> the playlist i listen to while writing, it’s 100ish tracks so hopefully there’s one or two that suit your taste: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1bPsov6PMGIzNxiDmcYDng
> 
> (also if you have any tracks you think would fit the themes or mood of the fic pls drop 'em in the comments, I'm always after new music!)
> 
> Thanks for reading, remember every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription fuels my caffeine induced writing haze. - Novi, @novioktober on tumblr


	3. Act II: Knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh's brain melts. His Admirer flips the metaphorical table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somebody come and collect Josh Dun please, he really needs a new life, and possibly a vacation to Tahiti.

Josh woke to a neck so stiff it cracked loudly when he lifted his head, squinting blearily at his surroundings he recognised he was in his bedroom but viewing it from an unusual angle. Sitting up it became obvious he’d fallen asleep on the floor next to his closet, creasing his brow Josh attempted to recall the events of the evening previous. A quick scan of the disorganised space in front of him brought the memories rushing back. Laying his head back on the spread of Polaroids that made up his makeshift pillow Josh closed his eyes and tried to claw back the hazy half-aware state he’d woken in, attempting to forget about the previous night's carnage for a second time. However, the angry growl of his stomach and the scent of stale sweat from the previous evening's exercise finally got him on his feet. 

What Josh really wanted was to get into his bed and continue his depression ‘nap’ until he felt ready to face the world, but knowing his admirer had slept in his sheets and lacking the spare energy to change them he stumbled from the bedroom and into the bathroom. Once there he promptly lent against the towels draped over the heated rail until he could muster the motivation to strip or switch on the shower. Whichever came first. 

He didn’t make it to work that Tuesday. Calling in Josh barely had to explain he was sick before the receptionist cut him off and told him to go back to bed, assuring him she would sort the rest and wishing him a speedy recovery. Following his call Josh choked back half a piece of toast as well as a cup of water to satisfy his growling stomach, appetite taken care of he shuffled back to the stairs barely sparing them a glance before he opted to lay on the couch. 

Led out on his back Josh zoned out until the ceiling fell out of focus, letting himself drift in that particular post panic-attack haze between waking and sleeping. The stress of the past few days had finally become too much for his brain, he could feel himself crashing. Despite having passed out on his floor during the evening prior he already felt himself being pulled under, he didn’t resist when the darkness claimed him for the second time in less than 24 hours, grateful for the excuse not to think anymore.

Time did what it tended to do when Josh wasn't looking and raced by. He hadn't slept this much since the time he got Bronchitis in his first year of Uni. Coming back to wakefulness groggily but much refreshed, he propped himself up on his elbows in an attempt to see the wall clock from his nest on the couch. Giving up his effort to crane his neck over the armrest he settled for looking out of the window, trying to roughly gauge what time of day it was; sky still bright but the sun had already passed the front of his house. Josh guessed it was late afternoon. Upon noticing a glass of water on the coffee table in front of him he reached for it, downing half before it dawned on him he hadn't brought a drink to the couch with him the morning, nor had he grabbed a blanket or pillow, both of which he’d since acquired. 

Fully alert, Josh sat up, legs crossed under the blanket, as he gazed wearily into the glass, holding it aloft to better look for any deposits that may have been left behind by partially dissolved substances; a technique he also taught his older classes when they discussed date-rape drugs, not seeing deposits in the bottom or a film across the top Josh sniffed the liquid for added reassurance. Nothing seemed amiss but he put the glass down anyway, exchanging it for his phone, which he noted had at some point been charged and put on silent. The notifications alerted him to one new voicemail from a withheld number so he clicked play then put it on speakerphone,

“What the fuck, Josh? I specifically said in my letter, fucking specifically, that I would see you Tuesday. Do you know how rude it is to stand someone up, Josh? It’s pretty fucking rude. You have to take better care of yourself, you can’t just crack like an egg at the slightest sign of pressure. What are you? Weak? No. No, no, no, we both know you’re not fucking weak Josh, so do better. Next time I say I wanna’ see you Tuesday, or Sunday or fucking... I don’t know, whenever. I expect to fucking see you. Look after yourself. Do better. I’ll see you tomorrow,” The phone crackled as the caller exhaled roughly but didn’t hang up, after gathering himself he continued in a much softer, almost fond tone, “Oh, and I didn’t drug your water. Also check the oven, it’s just chicken so you better eat it. Take it easy and skip your run tonight, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow, bye.” 

Stunned, Josh stared at his now silent phone, replaying the voicemail but still not quite believing what he'd just heard, then he played it for a third time. This was real. His stalker had left him a voicemail to wake up to, and not that long ago if the timestamp was correct, they'd missed each other by just over an hour; making it about half 3 when he'd broken into Josh's house. The message was short, the first half ranted so aggressively the caller barely seemed to take a breath between words, the second part however was so much softer Josh could scarcely believe he was hearing the same person. Their voice was well disguised, by a programme or app Josh wasn’t sure, but it was clear enough that he could tell it was still the same person despite the wild tonal swing mid-way. 

Hearing his admirers voice for the first time Josh wasn’t really sure what he had been expecting. After receiving his letters for sixth months as well as the past few days of chaos he’d been put through, being tucked in, having dinner prepared for him, as well as being fondly encouraged to take better care of himself, definitely wasn’t it. 

The content of his letters was overwhelmingly sexual, until recent events Josh had expected a horny but harmless teenager, while the Polaroid from Saturday did confirm, bodily at least, this was a teenager harbouring an extreme obsession for him, his mental state however, was a lot less harmless than Josh had initially dismissed it to be. Proven to extremes by his flippant disregard for Josh’s awareness of his break-ins. But, as of late, his admirer seemed to be evolving, or growing comfortable sharing more dimensions of himself with Josh, there was a weird caring aspect creeping into his letters beginning around the time he admitted wanting to share a bed with Josh - only further reinforced when he'd signed off as Josh's 'Boyfriend'.

Josh had mostly glossed over it at the time, but now all this caring for him while he was suffering a mild burnout, which in itself felt like an apology, an acknowledgement that he'd pushed Josh too far too soon, only seemed to hammer home this wasn't just a sexual obsession, not anymore. Josh wasn't considered an object or toy his stalker just wanted to play with until he broke for good, Josh was being possessed in the sense that his Admirer had staked claim over him. Which on the one hand meant Josh shouldn't expect to be murdered and dismembered any time soon, but on the other meant his admirer was in this for the long haul. 

Bringing Josh back to square one, if he wanted his admirer gone, he was going to have to confront him or get the police to take notice. Neither of which had been very successful so far - unsurprising given he didn’t yet know his admirers identity. He'd been getting somewhere prior to his meltdown, but given both the incident with his computer and the shrine happened on the same day Josh felt his cracked psyche was to be expected. After all his mental health had been on the ropes even before he’d received a Polaroid of himself sleeping, closer to when he'd moved to town barely shy of six months prior.

The welcome he'd received upon returning to work Wednesday was slightly disproportional in Josh's opinion having only been out a day, but he appreciated that his absence had been noted all the same. Approaching his P5 year 13's he was glad for a class of more mature students to finish the day.

"Good Morning guys. I wasn't in yesterday due to illness and I'll be honest I’m still feeling a little tired so I trust after last week's project introduction you all know what you need to be working on? I've also made sure the correct due-dates have now been added to the board," He motioned to the corresponding class amidst the table of due-dates, sighing upon noticing the letter tacked in the middle of his board which hadn't been there prior to lunch. Josh peeled it off then chucked it onto his desk in favour of checking his class didn't have any questions before dealing with his admirers latest fantasy. Some students pulled out their phones and earbuds to work alone, while others moved seats to start working quietly on their projects in pairs or small groups, as he suspected they were all more than happy to get on with work without Josh checking on them every two minutes like a mother hen.

He wandered back over to his desk after dealing with a few queries and politely refusing to discuss his absence in further detail. Picking up the envelope it appeared to be just the standard store-bought variant, not a candycane stripe or hand drawn heart in sight. Unfortunately Josh knew he couldn’t be too careful, his house nor work computer were safe, which by default made every envelope suspicious. Paranoia long since taken root in his mind, he made sure to check around before switching the monitor on, he took the same approach to opening the letter, double checking nobody wanted his attention and all were seated before opening it. Fishing out the single rectangle of cream card inside Josh’s face slipped into a full-on wince during the time it took to read the short sentences,

“Will you fuck me when you figure out who I am? Will you make it rough? Make it hurt? I don’t mind. Take out all your frustration and anger on my body. It’s what I want. I can take it.

From, Your favourite year 12 Student”

Luckily for Josh, his students were too engrossed in their work to notice him go from tiredly reclined in his seat to hunched over, narrowed eyes, staring hard at the letter on his desk. He brought a hand up to rub at his jaw, the stubble there grounding him with the distracting reminder he needed to shave. His other hand covered the majority of the aggressive scrawl save for the signature, staring at the sign off open mouthed Josh tried to reign in the shocked ramble of his thoughts, first the voicemail, now this? His Admirer wasn’t even trying to be subtle anymore. In more ways than one. Previously the violent nature had been wrapped up in sexual ambiguity or the playful poetic wording of the earlier letters, but now the questions felt more like Josh, himself, was being asked directly over easily dismissed rhetorical lyricism.

Deciding not to dwell on the worrying physicality being asked of him, Josh ran his fingers through his brown curls as he did some quick mental maths to determine how narrow his field of search had dropped. It was narrow. Really narrow. Narrow enough for Josh’s dying flame of hope to spark a bit brighter after the embarrassing meltdown of the day prior, and the crushing blow of the countdown clock that was his impending birthday. Josh’s search felt tangible, an end finally in sight. He’d not only had his search area filtered down to just one year group, rather than the 3 he’d been scanning; including the year groups either side of 12. Feeling buoyed by his latest breakthrough Josh's bleak mood was replaced with an unshakeable cheer that followed him to the end of the week. 

3PM on a clear but cold Friday and Josh still hadn’t received another letter, the end of the school day felt all the sweeter for it. A small smile tugged at his lips while he was engrossed in his grading, getting a few extra hours in following the release of the students so he wouldn’t need to attend to it over the weekend. A knock at the door distracts him, feeling an uncomfortable sense of deja-vu his smile slowly slipped into a frown the closer he got to the nondescript grey door, swinging it open he fully expected to find empty air save, what he doesn’t expect to find is Tyler Joseph, who, with post-it adorned notebook in one hand, gives an awkward half-wave with the other,

“Uh.. Hey Mr Dun,” He smiled shyly as he greeted Josh but didn’t clarify what he was actually there for.

“Hi Tyler, did you need something?” Mentally thanking his lucky stars this was just a student after help and not a last minute letter from his secret admirer Josh’s cheerful demeanour quickly returned. Just like their chance meeting at Starbucks Tyler was a safe and welcoming distraction from the insanity of his daily life.

“Yeah, I uh... I had a couple questions about the projects, see I’ve got some ideas about... some, well, uh... They’re a little outside of the outline,” Tyler waved his post-it covered notebook to emphasise how many ideas he had for his project, ever the enthusiastic A grade student.

“Oh cool, why don’t you come in?” Standing to the side Josh held the door open wider in invitation to Tyler, who gladly obliged. He dragged a chair over from a nearby desk, before sitting down and scooting in even closer to Josh, all while smiling like there was nowhere else he’d rather be on a crisp, bright, Friday afternoon. 

Josh was more than happy to forgo his marking in favour of listening to any of his students go through their ideas, offering advice or alternatives where necessary - always making sure to give Tyler the time he needed to get his words round the right way or thoughts back on track when a sentence got away from him. The time passed quickly, once Tyler opened the floodgates of his mind he couldn’t seem to shut up and Josh quickly found himself getting caught up in animated discussion on topics that varied wildly from things that could be considered biology adjacent to subjects that definitely had nothing to do with his area of teaching. Such as Tyler’s strange relationship with religion, or simpler topics such as their similar music taste and the bands they had in-common.. 

Forgetting the time and day Josh was shocked out of their most recent rabbit hole by his phone ringing, at which point he glared at the offending piece of technology until he read the caller ID. It was Debby, they’d become best friends from the moment he’d spilled an alcoholic beverage down the front of her dress at a freshers party. She'd made a point to call him every Friday for a weekly catch-up since they both graduated. 

“You can get that, I don’t mind,” Tyler assured him motioning at the still ringing phone. Josh thanked him as he quickly clicked accept before the ringer cut off, mentally reminding himself to keep the call short knowing Debby could and would chat for hours given the chance. Josh gave her a very edited run down of his week, only letting her know about letters he’d received but not his meltdown or any of the events that led up to it. Had he been alone he would of told Debby the entire torrid tale, she was one of the only people he trusted with all his secrets and they told each other everything. Josh quickly decided it wouldn't be fair or professional if he made Tyler a third party to that conversation; who undoubtedly wouldn't have minded, given he'd been casting curious side-glances at Josh while quietly trying to pack away his notes without appearing obvious about listening in on his private phone call.

As predicted Debby wanted to give him a blow by blow of her weekly schedule, although Josh would usually oblige, putting her on speakerphone while he worked or made dinner, Tyler had finished repacking his bag. The unobtrusive youth was now alternating between staring when he thought Josh was too wrapped up in Debby’s monologue to notice or texting someone on his own phone. As such Josh attempted to wrap up the call without awkwardly informing Debby he was still sat with a student at gone 5PM on a Friday night. She was already convinced he had no life outside of work, furthermore her most recent plan to get him out of his shell was to convince him to take up online dating, an idea he’d promptly shut down before she could offer to manage an account for him - the last thing he wanted to do was give her more ammunition in support of her argument. When he finally got Debby off the phone with a promise to call her back later, he turned to Tyler fully intending to apologise for holding him up for an extra 20 minutes than necessary, but Tyler beat him to it.

“I’m sorry for keeping you from your girlfriend, on... uh... Ugh. Is she mad?” Josh laughed at Tyler’s assumption before promptly feeling guilty at the look of sheer remorse pinching Tyler’s eyebrows and causing his doe eyes to widen with worry.

“No, don''t look so worried! Debby’s not mad or even my girlfriend, she’s an old uni friend. Calls me every Friday for a weekly catch up,” Josh quickly mollified the anxious youth, who relaxed with a relieved sigh.

“A weekly catch up? It sounded more like her year in review. Does she know she’s not your girlfriend?” Tyler's laugh softened the snarky edge to his comment. Josh laughed with him but was beginning to feel uncomfortable sharing so much of his private life with a student. A sin he'd arguably been committing since their conversation had derailed from Tyler's project an hour earlier, or even before then if he counted their time at Starbucks the week prior, but there was just something about Tyler aside from their similar interests that made him easy going company.

"Yes Tyler, I think she's aware since she’s happily engaged to her highschool sweetheart. I mean we definitely gel pretty well I admit, so who knows, maybe in an alternate universe somewhere? Anyway I think you’ve wrangled enough details about my private life out of me. Let's head out, I don’t want to keep you from your weekend any longer,” Josh didn’t wait for a reply, turning away from Tyler he powered down his computer and gathered his things.

“It’s okay Mr Dun, she lives kinda’ far away so it’d be difficult to make it work anyway,” Josh still had his back to Tyler so didn't witness how Tyler gritted his teeth or slammed the heel of his hand into his forehead, scrabbling to change the topic before blurting, “Oh, um... I don't need a lift today, my Mom's at the store so I can just catch a ride with her,” Swiftly getting to his feet Tyler made his way to the door although he lingered on the threshold, wishing to say a proper goodbye before they went their separate ways for the weekend. Unsure how long it would be before he got to spend another drawn evening with Josh - just the two of them.

“Yeah... Yeah. You have a point, she’s always preferred city life anyway,” Josh agreed without thinking, focused more so on the latter half of Tyler’s sentence, “Okay, well if you’re sure! Have a good weekend, I’ll see you Monday,” Glad Tyler provided him an excuse not to offer a ride, Josh was more than content to let his student walk rather than risk another uncomfortable almost-hug as per last time. They exchanged goodbyes as Josh locked the classroom door, Tyler walking off in the direction of exit while Josh made his way to the car park.

Headed for home, Josh turned the radio off so he could have some quiet to think, something about his previous meeting with Tyler had been bugging him since they'd parted ways. He replayed their conversation in as much detail as he could remember, from the time they'd sat down to discuss his project to the time they'd said goodbye. Repeatedly his thoughts drifted back to the exchange about Debby, something about that conversation just felt so wrong. Breaking hard at the last minute to avoid sailing through a red light Josh rubbed a pain out of his neck while mentally berating himself for becoming so distracted, at that moment a lightning bolt struck: how did Tyler know Debby lived out of the area? 

Josh had always been careful about keeping his work and private life separate from both his co-workers and his students, he didn't believe he would have let slip such personal information about his own life, let alone Debby's. Josh knew he didn't have perfect memory so there was a slim chance he may have mentioned it offhandedly before, after all it wasn't the first time him and Tyler had an after school session derailed by chatting about something completely off subject. Josh would have looked past the slip up if it hadn't been for Tyler's earlier apology about keeping him from Debby, why would he need it clarified she wasn't his girlfriend, or waiting for him that evening, if he already knew she didn't live nearby?

The whole Debby conversation, in hindsight, struck him as odd, despite it only having been the shortest of exchanges in comparison to the rest of the session. Too distracted to continue driving safely Josh looked for a safe place to pull over, bringing the car to a stop in the empty car park of a mini-market. He slammed his hand into the steering wheel repeatedly to let out his annoyance.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why can’t it just be fucking obvious...” Josh gave a frustrated groan as he rested his head on the steering wheel, threading his hands through his hair he clutched the curls in tight fists. 

For the first time Josh found himself looking at Tyler through a guilty lens, he’d never seriously considered Tyler as a suspect previously, he’d always seemed too... Innocent? Naive? Not the sort to be sending the kind of sexually extravagant material Josh had been receiving for the past six months. Instead he’d been paying closer attention to the cockier, louder, more sure of themselves from amongst his peers, or even those from backgrounds Josh knew were tougher, darker, the sorts of situations that might make children more prone to acting out. Tyler on the other hand was a great student despite how softly spoken and anxious he was, a genuinely good kid who kept his head down. Josh didn’t know for certain but he didn’t believe Tyler or his siblings came from a broken home, although you could never truly tell what went on behind closed doors. 

Mentally Josh went through what he knew of Tyler, trying to form a loosely coherent for and against list; Tyler’s in one of his year 12 classes, Tyler's shy yet attentive and eager to please, he bumped into Tyler at Starbucks ‘randomly’ the night he'd received the first picture, Tyler was a lot more manipulative than he let on, Tyler always wore jeans and hoodies even on warmer days so despite his naturally tanned undertone he was perhaps pale enough to be the figure in the Polaroids. Tyler, Tyler, Tyler… All the things he knew about his student could easily be written off as him just being an odd, socially awkward teenager. But there was just something about him when combined with his slip up after class made Josh unable to keep writing off his suspicion any longer. 

He just needed to figure out what it was he was missing. Screwing his eyes shut, he took several long deep breaths, grappling for the final elusive piece of information he knew was floating around in his subconscious. The one thing that throughout their meetings kept deepening that nagging suspicion and drawing his eye since that damn polaroid. Josh peeked up over the steering wheel wide-eyed as the final jigsaw piece crashed into place, he slammed his hand onto the dashboard exultant, a grim smile threatening the edge of his mouth.

“Fucking got you,”

Josh arrived home jittery for having finally worked out his stalker's identity, he knew instinctively he was correct in his conclusion, but now he needed Tyler to admit to it. Aware he didn’t have the patience to deal with Tyler’s misleading demeanour during their Monday morning lesson and knowing Tyler often broke into his home Josh considered just staying up all night to catch him off-guard. He quickly ruled out that idea, facing a cornered Tyler one-on-one while Josh was still unsure what he was truly capable of was just an invite for trouble.

Recalling the evening he’d not so randomly chanced upon Tyler at Starbucks, Josh checked Google for a nearby 24 hour coffee house, finding a Starbucks attached to a service station on the western edge of town. The location was public, well lit, plus no one out and about that late would recognise them providing anonymity for both. Josh because he's Tyler’s teacher and Tyler because Josh was about to accuse him of stalking, neither of which would reflect well when viewed through the lens of a casual public coffee date. Trying to decide if the location was too out of the way for a 17 year old to safely reach after civilised hours he promptly shrugged off his concern - Tyler had made it to his house several times after hours. Furthermore he’d broken in so he was clearly resourceful. Now he just needed a way to get Tyler there. Putting himself in his Stalkers shoes for a moment Josh huffed a quiet laugh to himself as he considered Tyler would probably jump for the nuclear option and just kidnap him. A wave of discomfort crawled down his spine at the dark turn his sense of humour had taken since his ordeal began. Josh’s anxiety clamped down on the shadowy little thing that had made its home inside him. 

Satisfied he had the beginnings of a plan and tired from a long day Josh chose not to act that night, wanting to be well rested and in the best head-space when confronting Tyler. Saturday he perfected his plan, electing to capitalise on Tyler’s bad habit of trespassing after dark. Josh left a note propped up in the same red bowl of knick-knacks as one of Tyler’s previous letters had been alerting his admirer to their midnight meeting - stood between the same stress ball and duct tape. Doing so felt akin to an inside joke, for that reason alone Josh almost moved the letter somewhere else, shaking off his odd turn of mood he left the note be. Feeling very perturbed to be the one leaving letters addressed to his stalker, especially around his own home, Josh headed out for his evening run in an attempt to keep up a level of normalcy. Upon returning he went through his standard routine: shower, change, dinner, work, even ensuring to call Debby back as he’d promised he would, finally getting the chance to fill her in on all the events leading up to him discovering Tyler’s identity. When he expressed a desire to confront his stalker Debby emphatically tried to dissuade him, letting him know how reckless an idea she thought it would be, Josh carefully steered their conversion back to safer waters glad he hadn’t informed her he already had a plan in motion. As the clock ticked down to 11PM rather than preparing to turn in for the night Josh retrieved his shoes, jacket and keys before heading for the Starbucks he’d chosen for their confrontation. Passing through town the scenery shifted from stores and fluorescent lights to pleasant picket-fenced suburbia before shifting once more into sparse civilisation with long tree lined roads, the night darkened further as the street lights became fewer with further to go between them.

Tyler didn’t put in an appearance Saturday, Josh stayed there long enough he fell asleep in his chair, eventually discovered tucked away in the quietest corner by a red-headed barista who asked if he was okay. After assuring her he was Josh questioned if anyone fitting Tyler's description had been in that night, having had few customers that late she was confident he hadn’t. Josh came home in a worse mood for his failure, completely missing the absence of the card in the darkened dining room as he passed, footfalls upon the stairs heavy with misspent anticipation. Not willing to be put off he followed a similar routine Sunday night, deviating only to call his mother rather than Debby; his best friend's advice from the day prior having had a chance to settle brought with it a new sense of caution. Josh had always been close to his family, although he’d never felt they really understood him or his anxiety, 'neuroses' as his father often called them when Josh experienced panic attacks in his youth. Josh cared about them as much as they loved him in return - that is to say a great deal. Now realising he could willingly be walking into danger Josh called home just to ensure that the last memories he and his parents shared were them passing the time chatting about what his siblings were up too before reaffirming how much he loved and missed everyone when he hung up. Something he hadn’t done nearly as often as he should’ve in recent months.

11PM rapidly approaching Josh donned his shoes and jacket, grabbed his keys and wallet then headed out the door for a second attempt. He'd discovered the vanished note at breakfast that morning reinforcing his faith in his plan. The roads still slick with rain and the dark clouds overhead only promising more Josh made the drive to the isolated services, the parking lot he pulled into was almost deserted. Besides a couple of sleeper cabs at the very back of the lot there were only a smattering of other cars, the light of the street lamps made them glint like the carapaces of giant scarabs, each spread the furthest they could be from the others. No one would recognise Josh that night, no one even cared that he was there, no one loitering so far out of town at this hour was doing so with godly intentions.

After grabbing coffee he headed up the stairs to the same tucked away table he’d occupied the night prior. The same pretty barista upon remembering him offered to notify his ‘friend’ where Josh was sat, should he appear. Josh was thankful but also wondered if the barista thought he was crazy, turning up for coffee at midnight two nights in a row to wait for someone who might not even turn up. Tyler did put in an appearance that night, appearing shortly after 12:30, head to foot in black as was customary, although something seemed off about him from the moment Josh clocked him, not even his coffee cup was steady in his grip.

Tyler fell into the cream coloured chair opposite Josh tiredly, who immediately picked up on how out of he was, not just nervously darting his eyes about the room in typical Tyler fashion, rather he appeared to be completely zoned out. Josh, who hadn’t got this far to be perturbed by a youth who'd already proven himself to be incredibly manipulative, launched into conversation about as delicately as a bull in a china shop, starting with a hushed exclamation of.

"What the fuck Tyler!?" The instigator of his six month long torment didn’t seem to register the heavy meaning behind his vocalisation, finally laying his eyes on Josh for the first time since he'd taken a seat.

"Oh... Hey Mr Dun," His smile was a small gentle thing over the rim of his take-out cup. Josh knew Tyler - his student, always needed a couple of minutes to find his confidence when starting a conversation, so although Josh gets to the point he attempts not to let his agitation rile him up further. Especially considering he knows there’s a side to Tyler that he doesn’t know well enough to gauge the reactions of.

“Tyler, you do realise just by being here you’re acknowledging you have broken into my house right?” Josh questioned softly, physically restraining himself from raising his voice by keeping a white knuckle grip on the edge of the table, Tyler however didn’t respond, eyes wandering over to the large window over Josh’s right shoulder. Josh called his name several times, waving his hand to pull back his attention and with an inquisitive noise Tyler tried to shake himself from his daze to bring his focus back to Josh. 

The questioning went on for a drawn out 20 minutes. Although it was a struggle, Tyler was clearly trying to focus, squinting hard as he tried to drag his eyes back to Josh every time he inevitably zoned out again. A perpetual frown pulled his mouth into a hard line of discomfort. Finding it incredibly difficult to maintain the conversation or answer Josh’s questions, every answer he did give was spoken with such resigned honesty Josh struggled to doubt him. Tyler appeared to have memory of doing some things he was being accused of but still disputed over half of the accusations Josh levelled at him, he claimed to remember taking the Polaroids for example, but not using the full set to redecorate Josh’s room nor sleep in his bed after, although he did remember waking up in Josh’s bed. Josh didn’t want to know what happened to his stolen boxers, that was a mystery he was happy to keep as such.

As the slow questioning continued Josh was at first deeply suspicious of Tyler’s spacey demeanour, not bothering to be gentle while interrogating him, but the longer they talked the more troubled he became. Josh watched as Tyler again and again rubbed at his forehead with the back of his hoodie covered hand, as though he was trying to stave off a headache, some kind of habit Josh had first noticed as Tyler had rounded the corner from the stairwell. Josh found his suspicion quickly morphing into concern, guilt began to eat at him while he tried to decide if he should back off, maybe go a little easier on Tyler, this was a 17 year old kid, a great student of his, who was at the very least incredibly troubled if not ill. He thought back to every instance of Tyler’s shy ramble when he asked a question or difficulty meeting his eyes as they discussed an essay together, making it an even greater struggle to marry that version of Tyler with the individual who’d broken in to Josh’s home then photographed him sleeping, driven him to a panic attack, ranted at him via voicemail for said panic attack, and sent him a photo-albums worth of nude polaroids.

After 20 minutes of failed questioning Tyler scrubbed his face hard with his hands, finally fixing Josh with unwavering eye contact for the first time as they fell away. Josh felt his sharp intake of breath before he realised he’d taken a breath at all, something felt very wrong, a familiar cold static pricked at the hairs at the nape of Josh's neck and distantly he considered if he might now be in genuine danger.

“Oh wow. You finally worked it out. Hallelujah.” He deadpanned. The bored stare he’d fixed Josh with still unbroken.

“What?” Josh replied, in-eloquently.

“Con-grah-tu-lay-shuns,” Tyler enunciated the word slowly as though he was speaking to a 4 year old and not his 24 year old biology teacher, a man 7 years his senior. Josh experiencing mental whiplash from the 180 Tyler's mood had jumped, was very confused and replied as such.

"Tyler, what the fuck is going on with you?” Josh asked in blunt exasperation, his mind struggling to catch up with the strange turn of their conversation, “Wait… Are you saying you wanted me to work out who was stalking me? None of this is making any sense,” He said while dropping his head into his hands.

“Wow! You really left your brain at home today, come on Josh gather your wits,” Sarcasm dripped from every syllable. A sharp smile affixed itself permanently to Tyler lips, very clearly enjoying Josh's confusion. 

“You weren’t exactly subtle Tyler, come on pictures of yourself? Slipping up while we talked about Debbie? And you literally just admitted to it? Now who’s on a go slow?” Josh pointed out, still not entirely sure they were on the same page, nevertheless he was intrigued to see where the conversation went next given that Tyler was a lot more lucid. Not to mention seemingly impatient to discuss what he'd put Josh through.

“Are you for real right now? I have a fucking condition Josh. I don’t remember the start of our conversation, hell I don't even know where we are right now,” Tyler snapped, appearing genuinely aghast at Josh for pointing out he'd forgotten the previous 20 minutes of conversation before exaggeratedly staring out of the window to take in the alien landscape beyond. However his offence confirmed to Josh that he had been experiencing some kind of episode, at which point Josh began to feel a little guilty for pushing Tyler so hard with questions when he'd been so out of it he couldn't even see straight.

"Whatever. Tell me how you finally worked it out? What made you sure enough to drag me out to the middle of fuck nowhere for coffee and a chat?" Tyler interrupted as soon as Josh tried to apologise. At his line of questioning Josh couldn’t stop the soft laugh that escaped him, hesitating for only a moment before he laid his arm across the table, motioning for one of Tyler's - who eagerly placed his hand in Josh's just happy for physical contact with the object of his affections.

Josh simply wrapped a hand around Tyler's left wrist and waved his own hand at him, saying just two words as he did so: "Sleeve. Mittens."

"That’s it? You hinged you’re entire suspicion of me on fucking 'sleeve mittens’?!" Tyler lets out a scoff at the phrasing, cold fury flashed through his eyes as he quickly un-thread his thumbs from the holes he’d chewed in his hoodie sleeves, finally expressing a hint of anger at Josh exposing his identity for the first time since their meeting began.

“Yeah. That's it," Josh said with a genuine laugh, "Well mostly. It’d be real easy to hide a bruise as big as the one in the Polaroid with your sleeves like that, and you’re skinny enough to be the guy in the picture. That plus your Debby slip up, and you really are just an odd kid, it all just came together. You sealed your own fate,” At Josh's explanation, he saw Tyler's anger abating. Becoming thoughtful he replied with a question of his own.

“Well that makes sense I guess, did you even check earlier? For the bruise I mean,” Josh shook his head before replying, both forgetting their still linked wrists led across the table.

“There was no need, Tyler, you were so out of it when you got here you openly admitted to half the stuff you did, and the other half you didn’t remember, which I guess backs up what you said about having a condition,” Tyler just lent back in his chair and nodded to himself, accepting Josh’s explanation without a fight. If anything he seemed more amused than put out. Finally pulling his wrist from Josh's loose grip he rolled his sleeves up to the elbows holding both his hands up in mock surrender with the backs turned to Josh, exposing the now faded but still colourful bruise. The final, although unnecessary, confirmation he was without a doubt Josh's secret admirer.

“What I don’t understand is why you would want to be found out? You were so careful about remaining anonymous for so long,” It’s the one question that Josh still needed answered, save for why Tyler started stalking him at all, although that was a question he was fairly certain he could answer himself: Tyler was just not well and his illness could have picked anyone to fixate on.

“Bored.” At the confused twist of Josh's face, a very exasperated Tyler elaborated, “I got bored and wanted to see how far I could push you, see how long it would take you to work out it was me,"

“I had a fucking panic attack because of you Tyler! That’s not okay. Well fuck, none of this is okay, but now you tell me you put me through all of this because you were fucking bored? How am I supposed to respond to that,” Josh could feel himself getting worked up again, still confused but also hurt at how easily Tyler had terrorised him for cheap thrills.

“I like you a lot Josh,” Tyler whispered earnestly across the table. Josh interrupted him with a tiny bitter smile, disbelief in the curve of a raised eyebrow. 

“I’m sure you can understand why I find that hard to believe Tyler,’ Who didn't look bothered by the interruption, save for a small tic in his left eyebrow that Josh almost missed, continued without missing a beat.

“As I was saying, I do like you, a lot in fact. Why else would I pick you? But it got to the point where even you got bored of the letters, you barely ever looked scared or confused anymore. I couldn't bear you brushing me off that easy," Although he'd answered Josh's questions, Josh didn't have to like the answers he received. Tyler's logic made his head hurt. He knew he was going to need time alone to just think and wrap his head around everything that had been revealed. He made a mental note to talk to Debby, she'd always had a way of helping make make sense thing that were bothering him.

"But I never meant to push you quite that far and I made a point of making up for it after. I wouldn’t have done that for anyone else,” There was a fondness and pride to Tyler's words as he continued, pointing out how he’d cared for Josh following his panic attack. It had the opposite of the intended effect, unnerving Josh further that Tyler truly believed he’d made up for the trauma he’d caused Josh, or that Tyler considered his care high praise compared to how he treated others. Josh truly didn't know how to respond to Tyler's confession, simply thankful all his questions had been answered and that Tyler clearly hadn't been bothered about losing his anonymity. He noted with discomfort that much akin to a cat presenting his hunt to his master Tyler was proud to display his sins for Josh's appraisal, truly believing them symbolic of his high regard and affection for Josh. The thought made his stomach flip with nerves. 

They had reached an impasse, neither knew what to say to the other, casual conversation would have felt cheap in the wake of such heavy confession. Josh surprised them both when he broke the fragile peace forming in the tainted air between them.

“How did you even get here?” Tyler, who’d been rolling his empty take-out cup between his hands looked over to him with a small frown.

“I’m in possession of a perfectly good pair of legs, Josh.” He snorted derisively, “You should know that, you’ve seen them" The admittance didn't make Josh feel any less uncomfortable hearing aloud. He chose to ignore the latter half of Tyler's statement when he replied.

“Please tell me you walked all the way here!?” Despite what Tyler had put him through Josh wasn’t so callous that he didn’t feel guilty for making Tyler walk all the way to the very edge of town, all the while knowing he was walking straight into an interrogation. As well as experiencing some kind of episode that had him spacing out hard enough he could easily have been hurt or gotten horribly lost. When Tyler threw his head back to laugh hard at Josh's reply he knew he'd been played.

"Josh, chill the fuck out, it's called Uber. You're not that old, you might have heard of it?" Josh responded by leaning over to knock Tyler's empty coffee cup off the table.

"Fuck off Tyler," His laugh surprisingly genuine.

"You can pick that up," Tyler smiled over at him, big enough to show teeth and crinkle the corners of his eyes, looking delighted at the uneasy banter between them. Josh did, grabbing his cup as well, before disposing of them both. He turned back to find Tyler already loitering behind his chair, waiting, they exchanged a weary look before they made their way to the exit, agreement between them unspoken they headed for the parking lot.

It’s during the sedate walk back to the car, the revelations from their exchange slowly settling in his mind, that Josh allowed himself a few tacit moments to observe Tyler. Whether in an attempt to understand him or to further convince himself their confrontation had been real, he wasn't sure. He slowed letting Tyler get a few paces ahead, his loose limbed gait making a point to step in each puddle leftover from the day's rain, the shadows of the darkened parking lot seemed to cloak him. Welcoming him back to them as though he was merely an extension of the night.

Tyler must have felt eyes on him because he tipped his head back over his left shoulder catching Josh in his periphery, pupils blown wide to draw in any available light, slowing to wait for him as they pass a sign on the side of the service station’s cheap hotel. The light of it haloed him sharpening his jawline, combined with the purple and yellow of the hotels logo gave him a sickly pallor, the effect of which simultaneously caused Josh to find him hard to look at yet impossible to look away from. He shouldn’t have been surprised by the realisation that crept up on him but still Josh frowned to himself, face scrunched in deep thought as he caught up to Tyler, walking shoulder to shoulder with his stalker back to the car.

Everything about him just looked.. Heavier? Dirtier? As though he wouldn’t be out of place in a bar fight, surrounded by spilt liquor and ruby red neon. His skin caked in blood and dirt while the glass from shattered bottles left shards like gemstones across the shoulders of his black jacket. Despite his inherent disregard for the law, or personal space, there was still something regal about the long line of his neck and the way he seemed to tip his head back to look down his nose when speaking. The air about him tinged with a palpable danger, commanded the attention of a room or shrouded him with ambiguity depending on what he required from one moment to the next.

This wasn’t Josh’s Tyler. This was the young man he’d offered the ride to on that sleet covered street corner after their first meeting over coffee.

Josh rapidly realised he hadn’t solved his mystery, he’d just solved one side of a whole damn puzzle box.

  
**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you guys have mini-markets over there? like Tesco Express or Mccolls? and service stations with cheap Premier-Inns and 24hr Starbucks and what not? they feel like really liminal spaces, where anything can happen, with anyone, at any time but none of it will really matter because you're just passing through on your way to somewhere new. i really like staying at the random ones in my area when i need to get away from life for a bit.
> 
> thanks for reading, remember every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription fuels my caffeine induced writing haze. - Novi // @novioktober on Tumblr.


	4. Act III: Balancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can't live with you, can't live without you. (But I'm trying my best, why must you hurt me.)
> 
> Or, Debby puts up with Josh's bullshit like a champ, Tyler is... Tyler but also sometimes not. And Josh really really can't decide what he actually wants in life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really wanted to try and explore the duality of their relationship and just Tyler himself, that does however mean the timeline is a tad fucky so...
> 
> when you see these symbols: *****// text here \\\\***** the text between is from an earlier point in their weekend.

Contrary to his bravery the night before Josh didn’t like split second decisions, upheaval or change; sudden or otherwise. 

Driving home after the interrogation at Starbucks he remembered to stop just short of where Tyler lived so his parents wouldn’t know how late he’d been out. Josh turned to ask one final question, arguably the most important, only to find Tyler staring back at him, clearly also intent on saying something. Although he opted to stay quiet in favour of hearing Josh out.

“So? It’s over right? No more stalking, no more crazy stunts or breaking into my house?” Josh kept his voice low not wanting to disturb the heavy silence blanketing them. In response Tyler’s stare went blank, giving neither reply nor stating whatever he’d wanted prior, however the cold look on his face was answer enough. Throwing open the passenger side door he jumped out and disappeared down the dark street before Josh could stop him. He called after Tyler only once before giving him up for a lost cause, fearful of waking any of the street's residents so early in the morning.

Walking into his classroom Monday morning Josh was surprised when Tyler didn't turn up, having been hopeful the pair could clear the air in some way - mostly out of a desire to not get the police involved. Not only did Tyler not turn up for lesson, Tyler didn’t turn up at all, for the entirety of the week. 

As one day became two, then three… Josh began to feel as if the past 6 months had been some sort of weird fever dream brought on by the stress of moving and starting a new job. Everything went quiet. Some would describe the week as blissfully quiet but for Josh it felt like he was living with the sound muffled, hearing through water.

He had to be honest with himself. He was bored. Despite the anxiety and stress of the incidents surrounding the Polaroids, he’d gotten used to receiving the weird letters, the stressful anticipation of entering his classroom expecting to find the latest one or the tense suspense when he heard a knock on the door at the end of the day. Now with his stalker's identity exposed, there was no suspense, no phantom at his shoulder and no letters. Of course the peace had been welcome at first, feeling almost like he was on holiday, so relaxed the normal stressors of life couldn’t revive his dormant anxiety. Those closest to Josh also noticed; his Mother asked if he had a new girlfriend, Debby was excited that his stalker situation had resolved itself, and his students commented on his constant high energy. Both bemused and lamenting how unbearable he’d become in equal measure.

Josh’s world felt quieter, calmer, but also more lonely. He uncomfortably acknowledged he’d gotten accustomed to being watched, hard not too when he’d felt eyes on him every time he’d made his way to his car after work for six months. Furthermore Josh could admit it was unhealthy, but that didn’t make it any less true. 

By Wednesday evening Josh caved and called Debby, informing her cryptically that his stalker was gone but not how he’d gotten rid of him; Josh knew damn well she was smart enough to fill in the blanks after their previous conversation. At the tail end of their phone call, for the first time since he’d moved, Josh quietly admitted he was lonely, after so many months of assuring Debby he was anything but. Frank as ever Debby had asked him if he missed his stalker. Josh sputtered, denying it six ways from Sunday, and tried to convince himself as much as her that the two subjects weren’t connected. However, Debby didn’t judge him or call him out on his lie, she merely informed him that his response wasn’t healthy but after six months of playing such a big part of Josh’s life it probably wasn’t a surprise that Josh missed his stalker to some degree. Going on to suggest that it probably had a lot to do with Josh’s lack of social life in his new town. 

Josh couldn’t deny she was right. Although his response to Tyler’s absence wasn’t healthy, neither was the insular life he’d led since starting his new job. No efforts made to find a new group of friends, he’d instead relied upon group chats and social media to keep in contact with Debby, Mark and the rest of his university friends. Josh also hadn’t made any attempts to get close to his fellow school faculty out of personal preference for not mixing his work and social lives. It was time things changed. During their Friday night call Josh promised himself and Debby that he was going to get out more, he was going to use his stalker's new absence as a push to start putting some changes in place.

Knowing Josh’s anxiety wasn’t going to make it easy Debby politely reminded him that he’d lived with a secret admirer for 6 months, an individual who eventually broke into his house and photographed him sleeping. If he’d survived that as well as being the one to work out his stalkers identity and convince him to stop, he could leave his house, make a couple friends and maybe get a girlfriend no problem. Bolstered from all the pep-talks Josh doubled down on his resolve, going on to discuss interesting places to see and things to do in the local area by way of planning his weekend - so he had someone to help keep him accountable.

As much use as it was to let Debby help him come to terms with his new, lonelier life, Josh still had Tyler on the brain. As one of his students, Josh was concerned about his sudden absence from all classes, the office faculty had informed him that Tyler’s Mother had signed him out sick for a week but they didn’t know any more than that. 

When he came down Saturday morning showered, shaved and mentally sifting through his list of weekend options the last thing he’d expected to see was Tyler Joseph sat on his couch. With his head lent against the arm, he watched youtube on his phone with one hand and shoved Cheez-Its in his mouth with the other. Despite the figure having their hood up Josh didn’t doubt the identity of his uninvited guest. He stopped short, unintentionally scuffing his shoe against the floorboards, it had the accidental effect of getting Tyler’s attention saving Josh the awkwardness of trying to find something to say. At the sound Tyler knocked back his hood as he craned his neck round to peer at Josh who was still loitering in the hallway, just passed his shoulder.

“Hi Mr Dun,” He chirped, completely at ease with the bizarre situation.

“Uh.. Hey Tyler,” Josh replied slowly, decidedly not at ease with the bizarre situation. Twisting fully in his seat, Tyler knelt up and rested his head on his arms, draped over the back of the couch, all the while staring at Josh as though he was the most interesting creature splayed out on the dissection table.

“How are you this morning?” He enquired cheerfully, clearly uncaring that he was trespassing on his teacher's couch while eating his snacks and using his wifi. Josh wouldn’t have opposed the latter two, it was the trespassing he was hung up on, he thought they’d dealt with this. Tyler had never been so blatant about it before. In fact he was usually remarkably careful.

“Tyler, what the fuck are you doing in my house?” Finally coming to stand opposite the nonchalant youth, Josh was proud of how even he kept his voice while demanding to know the nature of Tyler’s unexpected visit.

“That wasn’t very polite Mr Dun. I asked you a question first,” Tyler pointed out darkly, decidedly less friendly than he was 2 seconds ago, nonetheless he did answer Josh’s question, “I got kicked out and needed a place to crash, it’s happened before though so I’ll only be staying a couple of days then I can go back. Stop panicking,” The way Tyler could swing between moods gave Josh mental whiplash, bringing up memories from the time he'd unknowingly offered his stalker a ride home from Starbucks; a memory that felt an eternity away despite only occurring two weeks ago.

“I’m not panicking,” Josh laughed uncomfortably, his anxiety making a comeback after its week off. Tyler instantly picked up on his discomfort, always toeing the line between attentive and creepy.

“You look like you’re about to puke, do you need a glass of w-water?” He hopped off the couch, coming to stand a pace or two in front of Josh, face pulled into a concerned frown even as he restrained himself from intruding further in Josh’s personal space. Who was extremely grateful, unsure if he could handle Tyler any closer without his anxiety melting his brain.

“No I don’t want a glass of water thanks Tyler. What I want is for you to get out of my house. Like right now,” Josh ground out, Tyler not being in his life for a week had made it easier to think of him in abstract: as Tyler the student he was concerned about the absence of, and Tyler the stalker he definitely didn’t want back, even if did miss the constant presence of just _someone_ else being around. Fuck he really was lonely. Tyler's sudden reappearance when combined with it being the first time Josh had ever seen Tyler in his house left him reeling - leading to a chest getting tight and palms slick with sweat. 

“I don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this, I already told you I’ll only be here a couple days, like a week at most. It doesn’t have to be a big thing if you... Uh... If you don’t make it a big thing, Josh,” Tyler grumbled, behaving as if Josh was somehow being ridiculous for not wanting his stalker living in his home. The blank gaze and deadpan tone slowly fell back in place. The scariest version of Tyler Joseph that Josh definitely didn’t feel able to handle alone in a confined environment. 

He wondered where along the way he’d lost his shy grade A student, if he was ever real - he’d give his right arm to have that person back. Josh knew Tyler, the student, was smart from grades alone, he knew Tyler, the stalker, was even smarter and incredibly manipulative. Furthermore he was happy to go to extremes to get his own way. As such, Josh didn’t know how far he could push Tyler without risking his own welfare, which left him at a loss for a solution and in a tricky game of cat and mouse. And what about his promise to Debby to do something with his weekend? He didn’t want to let her down or have to tell her the reason why… The weight of his anxieties starve Josh’s lungs for air and nausea threatens to make him lose a breakfast he hadn’t even eaten yet. 

“Tyler I think I’m allowed to make a big fucking deal out of sharing my goddamn home with the guy who: A. Never even asked to stay, B. Has a history of breaking in and photographing me in my sleep, and C. Has been stalking me for six _fucking_ months and then just fucking vanished for a week. Are you going to hurt me? Are you really going to leave? Where have you even been all week?” Not willing to be made to feel like the crazy one - having had enough of being made to feel like his anxiety was such a great inconvenience several life-times ago, Josh let himself be pissed with Tyler, in a rare instance of not censoring himself he said exactly what he meant. Ideally it was better than the alternative, which was sliding down the nearest wall and crying out his nerves before taking a post-panic nap. However he came out of his rant feeling more anxious than when he'd started. Tyler didn’t look overly affected and after giving Josh a moment to compose himself his response was underwhelming.

“Are you done?” He punctuated his statement with a roll of his eyes. Josh’s stomach sank in response, feeling incredibly small despite the pair of them being of similar height, “I don’t mean to be rude, but you’ve been impossible to hold a conversation with this entire time. I get it, ooh the creepy stalker, staying at my house, eating my food... Scary stuff man...” Tyler stopped insulting him long enough to huff a sarcastic laugh at the expression of slack-jawed bafflement currently occupying Josh's face, “But the alternative is this concerned, caring Mr Dun turfing shy, anxiety ridden, Tyler Joseph out onto the snow covered streets. Could you really live with yourself if you did that? What would people think when they found out, Josh?” 

The debate was over. There was nothing more for Josh to say. Tyler made his point clear: he wasn’t going anywhere until good and ready and if Josh forced him out, well he could kiss his sweet-natured reputation goodbye. Tyler got to the end of his speech and Josh’s wave crashed, he’d felt the tell-tale prickling of tears at the back of his eyes and as much as he dreaded the thought of crying in front of anyone, much less Tyler ‘the stalker’ Joseph, by the end of his little rant Josh couldn't hold back the floodgates of his anxiety anymore. He turned his back on Tyler as the first of the tears began to fall, feeling pathetic as he brought his sleeve cuff up to angrily swipe at his eyes. Tyler was in front of him before he could make his escape from the room.

“Hey Josh! There’s no need to cry, we both know you weren’t gonna throw me out! I just got a little mad,” At this he threaded their fingers together, leading a pliant Josh to the kitchen before shoving him onto one of the stools at the kitchen island. Once seated Josh pulled his phone from his pocket having felt it beep during the short walk through the dining room. Placing it on the counter he glanced at the notification while Tyler stared at him, face unreadable, struggling to make out the words through his tears Josh deduced it was a text from Debbie wanting to know his plans day, not having the energy to reply and unsure how to do so without lying he made the conscious decision not to bother until he felt more stable. Tyler kept his gaze locked with Josh’s as he slowly slid the phone toward himself before depositing it beside the sink on the counter behind him. Finally breaking eye contact he moved to get a glass out of the cabinet which he proceeded to fill with cold water.

“Don’t worry Josh, I’m here now. I’ll take care of you,” Tyler reassured as he pressed the cold cup of water into Josh’s limp hand. Tyler rested his cheek on Josh’s shoulder after settling on a stool of his own, looking up at Josh expectantly until he brought the glass to his mouth and sipped from it. 

Josh tried to gather his wits enough to consider what the fuck he was supposed to do next. Where had Tyler been for the week? How the fuck could he get him to leave without pissing him off even more? What were his plans for Josh now? Everything had moved so fast in the space of one morning he could physically feel the stress as a cramp in his neck. At the back of his wrung out mind Josh wondered if there was such a thing as lower than rock bottom. Because if there was he’d found it.

Saturday ticked by the slowest he’d ever experienced a Saturday move, upon finally making it to bed Josh felt as if he’d been awake for at least 72 hours already. Tyler had seemed off, more so than normal, come Josh’s usual time to retire around 11:30. The strange episode had started an hour prior, reminiscent of the interrogation at Starbucks. Josh had been led on the couch listening to music and sipping a beer when Tyler had come to sit with him, he’d braced himself for the cutting remark or complaint that the day had trained him to expect, however no comments came, rather Tyler sat quietly, curling in on himself in the comfy leather chair to the left of the couch. Josh noticed exhaustion appeared to have slammed into him like a freight train; unforgiving and all at once, at first Tyler just appeared more tired than when they'd bumped into each other previously over dinner, but then he started having trouble following the simple conversation he’d initiated about the band Josh was listening to, after that he began rubbing at his forehead and squinting blearily, by which point Josh had picked up on what was happening. 

Twice Tyler asked Josh what time he’d turned up at Josh’s house because he couldn't recall most of the day they'd shared, each question he asked about the timeline leading up to his post dinner shower - when he’d started not feeling like himself, Josh answered honestly, too polite to take advantage of someone experiencing some kind of serious dissociative episode. Although without Tyler agreeing to return his phone, if he could even remember where he’d hidden it, there wasn’t much Josh could do to get rid of him bar jogging to the nearest payphone, which he didn’t have change for. When the pair of them started falling asleep in their seats Josh called time, forcing himself to be the bigger man he was as accommodating for Tyler as possible, getting him a glass of water and escorting him to the spare room where he suggested he sleep until the static in his head cleared. Tyler, despite the spiteful, negative persona he'd presented the majority of the day showed his appreciation by squeezing Josh’s hand once in his own before he pitched himself face first onto the bed with a groan. Josh, still wary of the troubled teen, had let the moment pass without comment. 

As he made his way to his own bed Josh reflected on the strange day he and Tyler had shared. As uncomfortable and exhausting as it had been at the very least he felt as though he’d learned a lot more about Tyler Joseph, even if the majority of which he would have been happier not knowing. Still he was thankful, hopeful even, that this new knowledge could help him find a pain free way of getting Tyler to leave his house. From what he’d discovered, Tyler was.. Controlling? Josh wasn’t sure if that was the right word, except it absolutely was, but trying to explain it to anyone would’ve made Josh sound like the crazy one. Tyler’s idea of manipulation was to mesh it with acts of care. If Josh was on the phone to Debby and told her Tyler was concerned about his caffeine or carb intake she’d probably agree and second Tyler’s opinion, but their actual exchanges hadn’t felt like they were coming from a place of care. 

*******//**

“You shouldn’t drink so much of that stuff. It’ll rot your insides, and it’s really not good for your anxiety,” Tyler had said when he’d caught Josh downing his third Red Bull in less than that many hours. After their weird morning they’d arrived at an uneasy truce by dinner, Tyler making space for himself in Josh’s home now he no longer had to creep or hide. Josh coming to terms, badly, with suddenly having no choice but to share his space. He tried very hard not snark back at Tyler, angry and exhausted from his anxiety attack as well as a day spent trying not to jump every time he appeared at Josh’s side with something new to disparage him about,

“Wow... you’re one to talk. You drink enough of this stuff for both of us,” Low on energy Josh just wanted to be left in peace with his red bull and the marking he had to get completed before Monday. He’d hoped Tyler would’ve been busy prepping the spare room ahead of them turning in for their first night, knowingly, under the same roof. When Josh had shown him to the spare room earlier that evening Tyler had delighted in informing him that he’d slept at the foot of Josh’s bed not long after he’d started breaking in and Josh had never even stirred, completely unaware right up until the moment Tyler confessed to doing so. Josh had yet to come to terms with that admittance due to the sense of deep foreboding terror filled him every time he tried. 

“Yes but, that’s me, we’re talking about you right now, and anyway I have the metabolism of a fucking racehorse so I can get away with it,” Tyler hated having conversation turned around on him, even when he asked Josh a simple question, one he very likely knew the answer too. Josh believed these were tests to gauge his honesty, but he wasn’t sure if that was just paranoia talking. 

“So, you’re saying I’m gonna get fat? From Red Bull? Because I don’t have the metabolism of a 17 year old? Okay Tyler,” Josh gave a resigned exhale, he knew that wasn’t what Tyler meant, but he felt in his bones he was going to be in for a long weekend if he was stuck alone with Tyler for the duration, and he’d be damned if he was the only one suffering throughout it. He was however, unsure how far he could push Tyler which left Josh feeling as though he was walking on eggshells for the majority of the day thus far. 

“Josh, your metabolism doesn’t just keep you skinny. Don’t play dumb. It annoys me.” Tyler’s dramatic sigh pushed him over the edge and before he could think better of it Josh rolled his eyes. Then panicked. Hastily tipping his can back he downed the last of his Red Bull in an effort to cover his action, at which point he realised that was probably the worst idea he could have resorted to. Tyler took several quick footsteps toward him before he’d even finished lowering the can,

“Wow Josh, way to be a jerk. See what I mean? You getting all defensive like this really shows you’ve got a fucking problem. Here I was trying just trying to help you,” His hand shot out smacking the can, as well as Josh’s hand, back down to the table with an audible slap. He met Josh eyes with his now familiar unblinking stare, daring him to try and dispute him again. Josh didn’t, he backed down, too afraid to escalate the argument further - still unsure quite what Tyler was capable of.

**\\\ *******

But to explain any of the casual remarks or disparaging arguments he’d experienced over the course of the day to a third party Josh would have sounded petty. Still without his phone, Josh used the Red Bull example to play out a phone call with Debby in his head while led in bed that night. Each time Josh thought of how he’d rolled his eyes and tipped back the red bull, he had no choice but to acknowledge how he looked like the one to snub his ‘concerned’ housemate... Stalker... Student... Whatever Tyler was, so he eventually gave up. In spite of his fraught day Josh still couldn’t fall asleep no matter how exhausted he felt, a fear of waking to find himself no longer alone in his room kept him alert into the early hours.

Sunday arrived crisp and radiant, ignorant to the strained atmosphere of the household. Tyler’s mood had flipped again following his crash, sleeping straight through breakfast and not putting in an appearance until 10AM, when he wandered into the living room where Josh was finishing a lesson plan, with a bowl of cereal still yawning hard enough to crack his jaw. Tyler found Josh at this desk so he knelt up in the armchair and draped himself over the back to ensure he was in the best position to stare at Josh while he crunched loudly on his cereal.

“Mornin’ Josh, I didn’t mean to sleep in so long,” He greeted cheerfully around another eye watering yawn, “Are you working!? On a Sunday? Isn’t that illegal? Because it should be,” Josh looked up from his paperwork to see Tyler waving his spoon at him to emphasise his point, small droplets of milk dripping onto the cream carpet. 

“Morning Tyler, glad to see someones feeling better and yes I'm working on a Sunday, next week's lessons wont plan themselves,” If Tyler was aghast that Josh had to do lesson prep on weekends he had news for Tyler about the life of a teacher and it was all sad. Exam season, the lack of pay, teacher-parent conferences... A Greek tragedy to be sure.

“Well that’s not fair. It’s Sunday you should be relaxing, can’t you do it Monday morning instead? At least you’d get paid for that,” Tyler said, trying, and failing, to pout around a spoonful of cereal. Josh wasn’t sure if Tyler thought it was unfair because Josh had to finish work on weekends which sucked for Josh, or if he found it unfair because it meant Josh was occupied with something other than paying attention to him. They went back and forth a bit longer about the pros and cons of teaching and schools in general, given their unique perspectives, before the conversation shifted to other things. 

Tyler filled him in on how great his nights sleep had been, how comfortable the bed had been on his 'difficult lower back' as well as the temperature of the room meaning he didn’t even need to crack a window; clearly trying to butter Josh up to show how grateful he was for ‘being allowed’ to stay. Josh scoffed at the thought the bed had anything to do with it, putting Tyler’s dead sleep down to the exhaustion brought on by his episode, knowing that he himself always slept like the comatosed after a panic attack. He didn’t call Tyler out however, deciding to tread lightly in the hopes that sunshine Tyler wouldn’t be replaced by a darker mood. 

In stark comparison to when he was in the classroom where he was quiet and reserved, while alone with Josh, Tyler liked to talk animatedly. His exuberant mood was highlighted over breakfast where he often talked with his hands simultaneous to cramming cereal in his face - putting Josh on edge, who shifted slightly left in his seat to better keep Tyler in his periphery. Less than five minutes later his paranoia was proven correct when Tyler almost lost the contents of his bowl after shifting too far forward, almost overbalancing himself over the back of the chair. Too used to teenagers with poor spatial, Josh stuck his arm out and pushed Tyler’s bowl a little more upright, saving Tyler’s breakfast and his cream carpet.

“Oh shit! Sorry, nice save,” Tyler exclaimed, enraptured amazement painting his features. Wide eyed at the fact Josh hadn’t seemed to glance up from his documents to rescue Tyler’s breakfast from his own overzealous mood.

“Tyler, eat more, talk less. Also your language is fucking awful.” Josh replied distractedly without looking at him. Tyler laughed at Josh's remark causing him to choke on his breakfast, causing him to cuss his way through a coughing fit. Josh finally glanced over at him, shaking his head in amusement, at which point he relinquished his pen to drop his head into his hands, mystified at the absurdity of their morning compared to the one prior. He just couldn’t figure Tyler out, when Josh thought he had a good understanding of who Tyler was he went and subverted all Josh’s expectations. Brain tying itself in knots Josh elected to go back to his paperwork as well as think a little less about Tyler. The fraught nature of their truce seemed to relax further as they settled into a quiet Sunday morning together, the quiet background music from Josh’s Spotify providing a nice ambience to the scratching of his biro and Tyler’s chewing.

With everything work related tucked away to be worried about come Monday, Josh now had no good excuse with which to unstick Tyler from his side. Who hadn’t seen any problem with laying about in Josh’s bed while Josh went through the motions of showering and getting dressed that morning. When Josh had pointed out Tyler now had free reign of the spare room and was welcome to do as he pleased with it - hoping for at least a shred of privacy in his own bedroom, Tyler had argued that he’d already watched Josh passed out naked after one of his extra long stress jogs so him hanging around while Josh got dressed really wasn’t that big of a deal. Tyler didn’t see any problem at all with the points he'd used to support his argument. Josh however, did. 

Swiftly deciding he wanted to hit Tyler around the head with something heavy, Josh was beginning to question why he hadn’t abandoned Tyler on the side of the road during his dissociative episode. Josh now had to wrap his head around the fact Tyler apparently knew what he looked like naked. Josh did not know what to do with that piece of information, except feel mortified. Eventually he elected to just ignore Tyler as he finished getting dressed, which quickly resulted in Tyler getting frustrated at the lack of attention. Launching a photo frame at Josh when he next turned his back his smirk dared Josh to try that tactic again and see what happened.

No sooner had he sat down to finish a cup of coffee, finally showered and dressed although very much not looking forward to the day ahead, Tyler finally decided Josh wasn’t doing anything interesting enough to hang around so he promptly left to see to his own morning ministrations. Josh wished he had his phone in the 20 minutes peace he achieved upon Tyler’s departure as it would have been the perfect time to call Debby, maybe to ask for some help to fix the mess he’d somehow landed himself in. He had to admit to himself Debby was right, Josh should never have confronted Tyler. That had been the point everything had gone to hell, his week of peace merely the calm before the storm. Although he was still curious to get an answer as to where Tyler had gone during his week long absence. 

“I gotta get out of this house, I’m gonna go nuts at this rate,” Josh bemoaned quietly, coffee finished and afternoon looking bleak, “Huh... Guess I could commit homicide to de-stress a little, that’s an option I have now,” He snorted as his own grim joke while he scrubbed his hands up and down his face a few times, a futile attempt to clear the fatigue still lingering as a result of his sleepless night. 

“What was that?” Tyler wandered back into the room, freshly showered and barefoot, causing Josh to startle. He sported black joggers riding low on his hips and an N64 tee tied just above his belly button, Josh’s mind unhelpfully informed him it was a good look, accentuating the pronounced cut of his hip bones in a way that was flattering rather than skeletal; he wouldn’t have looked out of place in an 80’s teen flick. Josh almost threw himself bodily off the couch from the sheer panic the thought brought him. Only just managing to keep himself seated by slamming his hands down on the couch cushions, balling them into fists with his back ramrod straight. Josh was seriously beginning to question his own mental state. 

“I need to get out, go somewhere new so I can tell Debby about it, I promised her I’d try to get out this weekend,” He could hear himself rambling in an attempt to cover for his weird turn despite Tyler showing no signs he’d noticed anything amiss, “ it’s already Sunday so I want to head out sooner rather than later,”

“Oh cool, I’ll go find my shoes, where are we going?” Tyler perked up immediately at the idea of going on a day trip with Josh, he was a little annoyed that it was more as a way to appease Debby than to bond with him but it didn’t bother him enough to turn the idea down. 

When Tyler suggested wanting to do something more relaxed with their day Josh almost sighed with relief, thankful he didn’t have to make the suggestion himself. Not looking forward to Tyler’s mood taking a sharp decline if he wanted to know why Josh was feeling stressed out or exhausted, both of which he’d be forced to admit were due in some part to Tyler’s continued presence in his home. Josh hadn't missed Tyler inviting himself along on Josh’s day trip, he’d started saying ‘we’ or ‘they’ more often than ‘I’ before they’d even made it to lunchtime the day prior. Since moving himself into Josh’s home there was no ‘I’ anymore where Tyler was concerned, he’d almost had a full-on conniption when Josh had gone through the motions to leave for his Saturday afternoon run, whining he would never be able to go as far as Josh’s usual route. Josh hadn’t even offered to take him along, his plan having been to put as much distance between the two of them as his legs would allow.

*******//**

Tyler put on his softest, widest, puppy eyes and asked Josh what he was supposed to do at home all alone while Josh was out. Josh, done with Tyler trying to manipulate and guilt-trip him by that point, had just glowered at him with a raised eyebrow in response. Tyler’s face quickly fell into a chilling dead eyed stare before calmly informing Josh if he didn’t come home he still had Josh’s phone and knew where Debby, his friends and the rest of his family lived before storming up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door to Josh’s room rather than his own. 

He’d come home around the usual time, not deviating from the route Tyler would expect him to take - unwilling to test Tyler’s threat. Josh’s original plan had been to jog to the police station, a bit far even for him but he was running on pure fear and spite by that point, then force them to listen to him while hoping to all the stars and saints he could name that they’d take him seriously enough to do something. Upon entering through the front door Josh was confronted with a mulish Tyler sat halfway up the stairs ahead of him, he found his unwanted house-guest staring down the front door hard enough to splinter wood, or bone, and wearing nothing besides one of Josh’s hoodies - the tan article swamped Tyler’s thinner frame. Immediately noticing Tyler’s hands hidden in the front pocket Josh’s heart stuttered, already out of breath and sweaty from his run he wasn’t sure he could fend Tyler was off should he be angry enough to launch an armed attack. Josh was saved from waiting long to find out what, if anything, Tyler had hidden in his pocket, no sooner had Josh shut the front door and knelt to unlace his shoes Tyler took his right hand from the hoodie pocket and launched Josh’s own phone down the stairs at him.

“Your Mom called while you were out,” Was all he said. Standing, he turned heading back up the stairs to sequester himself in Josh’s room once again. The phone smacked Josh square in the chest, he’d put his hands out in time to stop some of the momentum but not quick enough to catch it mid-flight, the ‘thump’ of impact sent him back onto his ass. He rubbed at the area where the phone had caught him with his right hand, the pain radiating across his chest leaving him in no doubt he was going to have one hell of a bruise come Sunday.

It took him the five minutes needed to remove his shoes and grab a glass of water to compute the implication of what his Mom calling could mean in relation to Tyler, Josh knew he’d been intentionally vague as a means to get back at Josh for going running - along with throwing the phone at him in the first place, but what he didn’t know was how far he’d gone to punish Josh. Had Tyler let the call ring off or had he spoken to Josh’s Mom? If so, what did he say? Josh sat on the edge of the dining room table, one foot resting on the chair to his left, then hesitantly called his Mom. She picked up quickly, and in her most innocent ‘I'm just asking because I’m your mother and I’m interested in your life, not because I’m collecting gossip to share with your father and siblings' voice she asked him,

“Evening Josh, so who’s Tyler?” Josh’s heart sank, eyebrows pinching into a frown, he pressed the phone against his chest so his mother wouldn’t hear his frustrated groan,

“For fuck sake Tyler,” He mock whispered to himself, upon hearing an amused snort he twisted round, to find Tyler hands pressed against the edge of the arch, forehead lent against the edge, slyly watching him,

“Just a friend who needs a place to stay for a couple nights,” Josh blithely answered, upon returning the phone to his ear, purposely keeping his reply hazy. At this Tyler practically snarled, jaw clenched tight, not sure which part of the sentence annoyed him more; the implication that he was only welcome a brief few nights or that he was ‘just’ anything. Eyes blazing Tyler pushed off from the arch, stopping only long enough to glare at Josh over his shoulder before slunk into the living room, within earshot but no longer wanting to look at Josh. 

“Oh it’s so nice you’re finally talking to new people, we’ve been a little worried about you isolating yourself again,” The relief in his Mom’s voice made Josh’s heart clench uncomfortably, hating himself for having to lie or tell her so little. Josh wished he could just spill everything, to receive some comfort from his Mom, but he wasn’t willing to put her in a position of such stress, perhaps if it had been Debby he was talking to but not his Mom. Furthermore, he wasn’t going to risk doing so with Tyler only a room away.

“Uh yeah...” He hoped the awkwardness in his laugh didn’t carry,”I wasn’t really given a lot of choice,” ‘Technically’ the truth was better than an outright lie in Josh’s mind, his Mom bought it although his relief was still tainted with guilt, as well as anger at Tyler putting him in a situation where he had to lie to his own Mother,

“Well, that’s not such a bad thing, you’ve always had such trouble making the first move. Your Father says Hi, he’s managed to do his knee in again, I told him to wait until you or one of your brothers came for a visit before putting that damn fence up...” His Mom continued nattering about his Father and siblings, Josh was more than happy to let her steer the conversation away from him or Tyler for the rest of the call. The end call tone had barely beeped twice before Tyler was snatching the phone from Josh's grasp, disappearing back up the stairs again before Josh’s brain caught up to the fact he’d even reentered the room. 

The way Tyler could so quietly ghost between rooms, always barefoot, the master at rolling his steps to keep them soundless, unnerved Josh greatly. Not only because Tyler was so good at doing so but also the implication that led to Tyler, a boy of barely 17, to ever need to be so good at doing so.

**\\\ *******

When Josh had admitted he missed his admirer and promised Debby he'd make more of an effort to socialise, he hadn't be aiming for the two birds one stone approach to his issues. 

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big Thanks to svviix in the comments for giving a good alternative to Cheeselets to feed Tyler, and also for all the great music suggestions <3
> 
> Thanks for reading, remember every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription fuels my caffeine induced writing haze. - Novi, hmu @novioktober on Tumblr


	5. Act IV: Tipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days in contrast.
> 
> ft. an uneasy truce, quickly broken. the many sides of Tyler Joseph. some answered questions, some still unanswered questions. Josh generally being confused and sick of all the mysteries piling up in the ruins of his once quiet life... Also day trips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for bearing with me, your author knows he's not the most reliable <3

‘They’, mostly Tyler, eventually settled for visiting a nearby forestry park.

“Oh, I went there once as a kid! I think? Uh... Maybe? Hm... I can’t really remember,” He laughed airily, seemingly unperturbed. Despite quickly becoming accustomed to Tyler’s unreliable memory Josh still found it concerning,”I know I’ve seen pictures though, they were really nice,” Tyler continued blithely, undeterred by his faulty mind. 

Josh agreed to Tyler’s decision easily enough, he’d always liked getting out of town and into nature, finding it a good alternative to exercise to reset his stressed mind. Furthermore the drive wouldn’t be so long that they wouldn’t have enough time to wander for the better part of the afternoon, while still giving them time to get home and turn in at a reasonable hour ahead of Monday. Josh had already informed Tyler he would be returning to school, even if he had to physically drag Tyler there himself. In spite of Josh’s threat Tyler, surprisingly, agreed easily enough, although he hadn’t yet explained the nature of his absence the prior week - much to Josh’s disappointment.

After packing a backpack each with the usuals required for a light hike they head out, stopping once on the way to pick up extra drinks and snacks. Josh’s first thought when they arrived on the trail was that Tyler calling the park ‘really nice’ was an understatement. The forest felt every bit as ancient as it was, each tree rising tall and strong from the earth with gnarled roots stretching as wide as their canopies; themselves a patchy mix of full evergreens and spindly skeletal branches reaching out to tangle amongst their neighbours. Each bush, plant and creature of the floor below sheltered under the protective watch of the aged giants standing guard against the effects of the February climate. Where the pale afternoon sun broke through the canopy in golden bands Josh could see dust and insects suspended in a lazy drift on the wintry breeze, the whole effect made time feel stagnant and immoving. As though the forest had stood for an eternity and would continue to stand for another eternity long after he and Tyler left this world. Merely guests amongst the silent guardians that moulded the land to their whims.

Tyler, for all his complaints of still being tired earlier in the day was suddenly filled with relentless energy, no longer understanding the concept of going for a light stroll he wanted instead to go off every path that meandered from the main trail. Josh had no problem with Tyler taking off a few paces ahead of him, thankful to have some space to wander and think at his own pace, finally a marginal amount of stress began to drain out of him. Continuing along the winding trail, simply content to be wherever the moment took them, Josh quietly enjoyed leaving Tyler to fill the space between them with a background commentary on whatever he thought “looked nice” or “sounded cool”.

They meandered on for a while longer, travelling deeper among the trees while the sun made it’s slow transversal across a cloud studded sky, when Tyler claimed to recognise one of the many smaller trails meandering off the main path, insistent enough to slow up and grab Josh’s arm, dragging him along with excited promises of a stream. 

Josh’s brain, perpetually running away with his anxiety, gravely informed him this was how he died. Tyler was going to murder him in a forest, off a tiny barely trekked path where no one would ever find him. The thought didn’t bring him as much distress as he imagined it once would have. Perhaps he revelled in the out such an idea offered him, an out to the stressful mess _he’d_ allowed his life to become. Between the initial inaction when his admirers attentions began, to the reckless actions he’d taken once his admirer raised the stakes, Josh felt himself to blame for everything that led up to his current situation. However, he didn’t voice his worries to Tyler, merely allowing him to lead Josh deep into the shadows between the trees, quietly accepting whatever the outcome of their detour would be.

Tyler, however, wasn’t lying about the stream, regardless of any other intentions he had. Moreover he seemed just as surprised as Josh when after a further 10 minutes of walking they rounded a particularly aggressive entanglement of roots and rocks encroaching on the path only to find themselves at the edge of said small stream, the harried pace of the water having smoothed the majority of the stones into round domed discs.

“Hey, it’s real!” Tyler looked proud of himself, having in a rare instance been able to discern between faulty memory and delusion, furthermore he was pleased Josh had trusted him. Josh, who hadn't let Tyler in on his dark inner monologue, appeased him with a nod and mildly astonished smile as he came to a stop, placing his pack on the floor to fish out a protein bar and bottle of water. As he sat down for a rest and a snack Tyler began hopping between the larger rounded stones protruding from the icy waters, balancing on one foot then the other for a few seconds before moving to the next - flitting about enough to wear them both out, despite lacking in waterproof footwear. 

Put at ease by Tyler’s good mood Josh felt confident enough to pry into his recent disappearance and subsequent reappearance. Tyler, never one to shy away from discussing his stalking habits with Josh as long as his mood was bright or it no longer served him to remain tight-lipped readily explained. Admitting he’d only intended to take Monday off as he didn’t feel up to facing Josh following Sunday's interrogation. He went on to describe how angry he’d been at when Josh had told him to leave him alone and stop stalking him, as Tyler believed they’d already reached a kind of acceptance, even friendship, due to how nice Josh had been to him both times they’d met at Starbucks. Josh frowned to himself as Tyler explained, believing he hadn’t behaved any less than his normal self, perhaps even slightly more guarded due to concerns about his stalker on both occasions. Following his initial day off Tyler had the idea to take the rest week off to see if Josh would notice his absence, thus leading him to miss Tyler and want to resume their ‘friendship’. Josh felt queasy at how close to the truth Tyler’s delusionary thoughts patterns had lead him.

“So did you miss me? Be honest. I bet you did at least a little bit?” Tyler asked while motioning for Josh to pass him a protein bar.

“Yes. But _only_ in the classroom Tyler, and mostly because I was worried that you'd become sick as a result of me stressing you out,” As much as Josh hated to admit, although crazy, Tyler’s reasoning behind his week off wasn’t entirely incorrect, there may have been no friendship to resume but Josh had noticed Tyler’s absence, and felt lonelier for it.

“Sick?” Tyler asked, his tone suggested that was the first he’d heard of the excuse given for his absence. Missing the protein bar by a mile he had to hop to a different stone to fish it out of the stream before the quick waters could carry it off to who knew where. 

“Yeah, that's what your Mom told the school…” Josh replied, astonished that such a straight cut woman as he knew Mrs Joseph to be would have so readily made up excuses to get Tyler out of school - for an entire week at that.

“Oh, I just told her I didn’t feel up to going in and let her make up the rest,” Tyler rolled his eyes, as though the answer was clear enough for the puzzle pieces surrounding his absence to slide together coherently. Josh moved to balance on one of the smooth rocks behind Tyler, who turned to face him, before continuing their conversation.

“For real?” Josh asked, trying to picture his Mom doing the same for him, and failing. When he was younger he’d had to have been puking blood and on the verge of death before either of his parents would've been convinced he was sick enough to stay off school.

“Yeah. I can be pretty convincing,” Josh didn’t doubt that, already well acquainted with Tyler’s ability to manipulate a situation or portray himself in whatever manner would best help his goals, “And she knows I already have ‘issues’,” he air quoted with his fingers, Josh could fill in the blanks for himself already well aware that something wasn't quite right with Tyler. A facet of his mental state he planned to carefully pry into as their time together continued.

"So, how did you go from having a week off sick to getting thrown out?” Josh inquired, still unsure how those events linked together, but not doubting they did given Tyler’s explosive capacity for switching mood when the smallest thing didn’t go his way.

“You know, the usual angsty teen bullshit. Mom and blur-” Tyler coughed suddenly, Josh assuming he’d choked on his protein bar passed him a bottle of water with the quiet admonishment to not talking while chewing for the second time that day. Tyler took a deep pull of the water before continuing, “Uh.. yea so, Mom and me were arguing, about you mostly, she said if I couldn’t behave I should go for a walk to cool off. Come back in a better mood kind of thing,” Finding out he was apparently an average topic of conversation in the Joseph household made Josh extremely uncomfortable, yet another one of Tyler’s admittance's that left Josh wishing he had a memory as unreliable as Tyler’s, before he re-focused on the tail end of his answer,

“Tyler!” Josh exclaimed, enraged.

“Josh!” Tyler exclaimed - significantly more excited, just happy hearing his name on Josh’s tongue - to have his acknowledgement at all. It was in a way quite sad.

“What the fuck? You lied to me...” Josh threw his hands in the air, disappointed in himself for even being surprised.

“How did I?” Tyler frowned, trying to recall which part of his conversation was untrue, his memory unreliable at best, disjointed and reimagined how he desired to see the world at worst. The world inside his mind told him Josh loved him back so he preferred that one.

“You told me you’d been kicked out. Not that you’d gone for a walk and just chose, yourself, not to go back home,” Josh turned his back on Tyler, not interested in hearing whatever excuse he was about to try and guilt trip Josh with, ”God you’re so fucking manipulative,” He said more to the trees than Tyler, hands shoved in his pockets, back hunched defensively. 

He stared into the little stream, wondering as he so often did these days, how the hell his life ended up in such a never-ending mess. Josh startled when he felt arms snake around his waist. They were gentle, so very gentle, pressing soft and so slow into the bottom of his ribcage as Tyler pulled himself flush with Josh’s back, encircling his waist as far as the reach of his arms allowed. Tyler, fairly close to his own height, rested his head on Josh’s shoulder, breath tickling the side of Josh's neck as he sighed. The act a bastardisation of intimacy. 

“I’m sorry, me and her both just need time to cool off and then I’ll go home. I swear. I’ve done it before,” Tyler mumbled directly into Josh’s left ear. Josh sighed, feeling the anger leaching out of him, there was no point going round in circles, he’d gotten his answers whether he liked them or not. Furthermore, Tyler had made it clear Josh wasn’t getting rid of him until he was ready to leave. His anger would get him nowhere except face to face with Tyler's darker mood, which out in the middle of nowhere was not going to end well... 

During the quiet moment between breaths and words, before Josh had a chance to form a reply that didn't include cussing out Tyler further, Tyler’s foot slipped out from under him. As his Vans had no grip on the smooth wet rock they were balanced on he pitched backwards into the little stream with an undignified screech, accidentally dragging Josh with him.

“Oh shit,” Was all Josh managed before he too was falling. Pitched backwards, his head only saved from cracking on one of many round stones littering the bed of stream by Tyler’s arguably bonier shoulder. The lower half of his left leg by merit of it still resting on the rock they’d been standing on, as well as his left side shielded as it was by Tyler’s body, had been saved from the frigid water. However, most of his thigh as well as the entirety of his right leg were soaked. They stared at each other wide eyed both trying to catch panicked breath, once the initial shock wore off they started to laugh, and soon they were both giggling like crazed hyena’s still in a tangled heap in the water, laughing at each other, together, at the whole stupid fucked up mess of their friendship, frenemyship? Whatever the fuck was going on with their tangled worlds. Tyler’s rose tinted dreamland to Josh’s anxious hyperfocus of reality.

Josh stripped his jacket off leaving him in only his tee and soaked jeans in spite of the chill wintry weather. Passing the jacket, which had mostly been spared by merit of him falling on to Tyler, so he could have something drier to wear than just his dripping wet tee and hoodie for the walk back to the car. They spent most of the journey to the parking lot in companionable silence, both lost in their thoughts. Tyler, grateful for the time he’d been able to spend with Josh, furiously trying to commit every detail of their day together to his shaky memory, as well as glad for the fact Josh didn’t consider the trip ruined by Tyler accidentally pulling them into the stream. Meanwhile Josh mulled over all they’d talked about, still trying to piece together the ever complex puzzle his new house-guest was proving himself to be. Several questions had been answered in the wake of their discussion yet more still cropped up to replace them. Namely surrounding Tyler’s family, and how much they knew of his obsession with Josh, as well as the nature of Tyler’s condition, what it was and why he didn’t appear to be in treatment for it.

They drove home with the heat up, both cold from the walk back through the cool February air as well as uncomfortable in their still soaked clothes. Tyler, having been the one to fall bodily into the stream felt his teeth chatter a couple times before he clamped his jaw shut, eventually deciding just to take off the wet garments, he unbuckled his seat-belt then quickly shucked his shoes, socks and jeans. Once they’d stopped at a red light Tyler turned fully to face Josh, staring at him as he calculated something in his mind, Josh stared back trying to work out for himself what Tyler was up to, his brain only managed to put two and two together once Tyler moved into a crouch. The moment he realised what Tyler was about to do Josh released a panicked litany of ‘Tyler no. Tyler don’t you fucking dare, I swear to God I will murder you Tyler’.

“Too late,” Was all he replied before climbing over the centre console, throwing himself in a sprawl of lithe limbs onto Josh’s lap, who, as driver, could do nothing to stop him. Tyler managed to right himself without leaving enough time for Josh to convince or otherwise manhandle him back to the passenger seat before they had to move off again - lest he risk the ire of the traffic behind them. He grinned at Josh in victory, 

“Guess you’ll have to kill me then,” Tyler’s smile was full of teeth and crinkled the edges of his mischievous brown eyes, in any other circumstance Josh would've considered it a better look on him than his usual glower or emotionless stare, but this wasn’t any other circumstance. Furthermore, he currently had a lap full of cold damp teenager while driving around in the late evening sun, quite the view for anyone who happened to look through his windows. Not a good look for Josh. Not that Tyler cared. Simply enjoying his unrestricted access for the remainder of the drive home, he did however remain fairly still, tucking himself under Josh chin with a fist scrunched in his tee, mindful not to distract Josh or else risk a car wreck. Another thing Josh was not allowed to do unless he said so, was die… When Josh asked if there was any way he could convince Tyler to move back to his seat, he’d simply replied ‘Nope.’ Popping the ‘P’.

Upon arriving home safely, and without being pulled over, Josh beelined for the kitchen regardless of his wet jeans whereas Tyler all but bounced up the stairs to get changed. Rooting around for a glass, some ice and the key ingredient: whiskey. Josh struggled to come to terms with the fact his Sunday hadn’t been awful, especially in comparison to his Saturday. Although he’d half hoped Tyler would just put him out of his misery and murder him, that hadn’t happened either. Sunshine Tyler had been dialled up to 12 the whole time they’d been out making for a pleasant afternoon - mood not even killed once they’d fallen in the stream. They’d both seemingly had a nice day and Josh had gotten answers to most of his questions, even if he didn’t like those answers.

Josh wanted, so badly, to hate the whole damn hike out of principle. How had he enjoyed an afternoon hiking with his more-or-less-confirmed-insane stalker? The insane stalker who’d chosen to move into his house for an indeterminate amount of time using thinly veiled threats of violence against Josh’s friends and family to render Josh unable to throw him out. He felt guilty for enjoying their afternoon, baffled he’d genuinely had a nice time, and frustrated he couldn’t let himself just accept the nice memories because of who he’d made them with. The alcohol wasn’t helping. If anything Josh was feeling more nauseous for having drank it on top of his already morose mood. He finished the whiskey before he left to change into something more comfortable, after which he settled down on the couch to unwind for an hour or two before bed. 

That's when _it_ happened.

Tyler joined him in the living room after changing, sporting the same pale tan hoodie he had the evening prior, it wasn’t long before he started shifting restlessly where he sat, twitching or cracking his fingers. Seemingly trying to quell some sort of internal struggle, Tyler kept glancing over at Josh between aborted little movements, however the minute Josh met his gaze in return Tyler shyly looked away before repeating the actions over again. 

Leaning his head back against the couch Josh closed his eyes in an attempt to block out Tyler’s fidgeting. He was content enough to drift with his thoughts, feeling pleasantly loose-limbed and tired from the combination of a day spent in the fresh air and his lack of sleep the night before. The alcohol in Josh’s system made him morose enough to miss working on class projects, with whom he’d now dubbed ‘sunshine Tyler’, after school, rather than the weird in-between world they’d forged over the weekend. Not quite friends, not quite enemies but no longer just student-teacher. Lines so blurred he wasn’t sure what the truth of them was anymore.

A tug on the shoulder of his tee pulled Josh back from the light doze he’d slipped into, blinking his eyes open he found Tyler knelt at his side only inches from Josh’s face, hesitancy clear in his expression. Worried he’d fallen asleep and Tyler was trying to rouse him to turn in for the night he opened his mouth to apologise for drifting off, at which point Tyler took the opportunity to slot their mouths together. Rushing in before Josh could close his mouth again caused their teeth to click together, regardless of this less than painless initiation Tyler quickly pulled them into a rhythm. A storms tide that Josh found himself caught up in, responding to, his world dialled down to the rhythmic opening and closing of their mouths. Tyler, ecstatic he hadn’t been immediately rejected, slid his left leg over Josh to straddle him, caging him between his thighs and the hands he was framing Josh’s face with, making himself the focal point of the moment. After setting such a frenzied pace, fevered in his excitement, Tyler began to relax. Slowing their rhythm to something more languid, wanting to draw out his fantasy come to life for as long as Josh would allow it.

Josh’s hands roamed over Tyler’s bare thighs, thumbing up across a sharp hip bone, before his brain broke through the soft haze of sensations to unhelpfully inform him Tyler wasn’t wearing anything under the hoodie - consequently shocking them apart. Josh reared back hard enough for his head to bounce off the back of the couch, their lips separating with an audible slick noise, loud between them in the heavy silence of the room. Their panting filled the air where the sounds of their kiss once had, each taking a moment to catch their breath, for different reasons. Tyler coming down from his blissful high, Josh quelling the creeping shadow of panic threatening to drown him anew. Ever in contrast to the other. 

“That was nice,” Tyler said lowly after a hushed minute passed between them, two fingers from his left hand came up to press against his lower lip, “I kind of expected you’d bite me,” he continued in a quiet voice, wonderment creeping in at the edges, speaking more to himself than Josh. Right hand resting gentle on Josh’s chest, forehead close but not quite touching his Tyler took up Josh’s entire field of vision. Josh tried to lean back, urgently needing some space and air not tainted by his and Tyler’s soft mistake. He _wished_ he had bitten Tyler, he could have understood that being his instinctual response. Kissing him back however, what did that mean for him? What did that make him? Just as bad of a person as Tyler? But in different, more fucked up ways? In the back of his mind he could already hear Tyler calling them a fucked up match made in heaven or something to that effect. Josh didn’t want to think of himself as any shade similar to Tyler’s brand of crazy, he already had enough of his own demons to contend with. And now he’d gone and added more.

Tyler leaning back in forced Josh from his panicked reverie, he felt his stomach agitate making his fear physically known, throwing himself from the couch before he could think better of it he caught Tyler’s cheekbone with his left brow then shoulder checked him as he bolted. He heard more than saw Tyler sprawl out on the floor, narrowly missing the coffee table - a pained grunt followed by a thud. Lights danced behind his left eye even as he hunched over the toilet in the downstairs bathroom, throwing up all his regrets. By the time he’d finished his insides felt wrung out, when Tyler finally dared approach Josh was cross legged on the bathroom floor with his head pillowed in his arms on the now closed toilet lid. Tyler kept his footsteps purposely audible to announce his arrival to a wary Josh, soft, slow and cautious as if approaching an injured animal. He came to a stop at Josh’s back before gently carding nimble fingers through Josh’s sweat damp hair, a soothing repetitive motion meant to calm him. It didn’t. Having the opposite of the intended effect, Josh felt his hackles raise, goosebumps racing across his arms, every bit the feral creature Tyler was treating him as. It was Tyler who spoke first, while Josh mentally tried to string together the right combination of words to explain his maelstrom of emotions.

“I didn’t think it was that bad, I mean I don’t have any comparisons, but even so…” He trails off with a sigh, confusion carried on his words like scent on a breeze, barely there but noticeable. The tone sounded genuine, peppered with light humour as it was, however Josh could never be sure where Tyler was concerned, his moods changed on a dime and masks came easy to him if he thought they'd be useful in getting his own way. Josh tried very hard to hold back tears, deciding there would be time for self pity later, once he was alone. With that Josh finally lifted his head enough to look at Tyler from the corner of his eye,

“I’m not debating if it was bad or not, but whatever it was, it was still wrong,” He replied, brooking no argument. What he’d done constituted assault given the position he held as Tyler’s teacher, not to mention he was 24 to Tyler 17. Josh felt sick enough it happened once, but he couldn’t let Tyler think there was a shred of hope there’d ever be a repeat or he’d never let the idea go, 

“You understand that right? It was wrong and can’t happen again, ever.” He continued firmly, voice like gravel from losing the contents of his stomach. He desperately needed to hear Tyler confirm his understanding before he was willing to put the mistake behind them and begin the task of coming to terms with how’d he let it happen in the first place. 

Josh knew instinctively he wouldn’t have to worry about Tyler ever sharing what happened, not willing to put Josh at risk of being removed from him by a third party. Thus far whenever Tyler wanted to control or punish Josh he much preferred to threaten harm to those Josh cared about, considering how effectively that tactic worked Josh couldn’t see Tyler deviating any time soon. One less thing to worry about at the very least. 

At Josh’s question Tyler’s hands stilled in his hair, then tightened, blunt fingernails scraping along Josh’s scalp almost to the wrong side of pain. Wishing to put as much space between them as he could Josh stood batting away Tyler’s hands as he did so. Making his way into the hallway he refused to look back at Tyler following the disappointed sound Josh's retreat elicited. Hands coming up to link behind his neck he pressed his thumps into the taut skin where his neck met his skull as wave after wave of anxiety roiled through him, consciously working to slow his breathing Josh attempted to calm himself enough to think rationally. Feeling Tyler’s confused stare boring into him Josh continued resolutely pretending Tyler wasn’t lingering in the doorway bearing witness to yet break in Josh’s ever fragile mental state. For several long breaths there was silence save for the thudding of Josh’s heart reverberating in his ears.

“I don’t understand,” Tyler’s voice was quiet when he finally did speak, even so Josh still recoiled as though he’d been hit - receiving the worst response to his question, “I liked kissing you. I’m fairly certain you liked it too,” His blasé laugh made Josh want to heave all over again, “How does that equate to bad? If we think it’s good isn’t that good enough?” Tyler’s infamous logic made an appearance, confirming to Josh all over again how little Tyler cared for moral expectations… Or the law.

“Are you serious right now? How do you always manage to go and complicate things so much more than they already are Tyler? Why did you ever think that would lead to anything good?” Josh asked, tipping his head back to lament his frustrations to the ceiling. His response had been more rhetorical than him actually wanting to hear anymore of Tyler’s inane reasoning's. Nevertheless Tyler replied,

“Complicate things? I wanted to thank you, show my uh... appreciation for spending your Sunday with me,”

“Bullshit. Why didn’t you just thank me then. With words.” Josh’s response was rapid fire, not stopping to think before he spoke. Letting his anger get the better of him. Something that had never happened to him often, until he’d met Tyler.

“Today was special, I wanted to do something special in return, words weren’t good enough,” Tyler struggled to comprehend Josh’s fury, he’d made himself vulnerable just by kissing him yet Josh had taken that from him and rejected him anyway. If anyone had any right to be hurt, Tyler believed it should have been him, not Josh.

“ _Bullshit._ They can be plenty good enough when the alternative is fucking kissing me, without my consent I might add,”

“You kissed me back! What’s your fucking excuse?” Tyler had been understanding with the disconnect between Josh’s actions when they’d kissed and the reaction that had followed in its wake, but now he was out of patience. Josh could see Tyler’s mood quickly darkening the more he got frustrated, yet he didn’t care enough to back down, he was frustrated too.

“I don’t know, okay. I just don’t know. My heads all fucked up and I’m exhausted, there’s more going on in my life than you understand,” He felt exasperated, with himself, with Tyler, with how quickly everything had got out of control since he’d outed Tyler as his stalker. He’d run from demons back home but hadn’t realised he was running head-long into so much worse until he was in the thick of it. Leaving him feeling as though he’d fucked up his fresh start in less than a year.

“Fuck, let’s just pretend this never happened, please?” Josh ran his hands through his hair pulling the curls to stand on end, the longer he thought about their kiss the worse it made him feel, “God. fuck. You’re one of my fucking _students_ Tyler,” he added as an afterthought once he remembered they both had to be up for the school in the morning, tiredly wishing he headed straight for bed as soon as they’d arrived home that night. 

“What’s that go to do with anything? I don’t care,” Tyler laughed through his confusion, only succeeding in angering Josh all over again. Tyler may not have needed to worry about the implications but Josh sure did.

“Everything! It has everything to do with everything! How can you not see how fucked up that is, on top of the stalking and you just being here, and the… Just… Everything. Just everything!”

Tyler locked down his facial expression, fixing Josh with his dead-eyed stare, the one he used every time he wanted Josh to know he was being over-the-top without explicitly stating it.

“You’re only my teacher for like another couple months, a year tops. It really doesn’t matter. I literally live with you, so that basically cancels out the stalking thing. Plus you kissed me back so it was all pretty consensual if you ask me...” He trailed off with a shrug, nonchalant despite the coldness in his gaze, trying to stress to Josh how misplaced his panic was. His argument would have been conveyed convincingly to anyone else, so flippantly said, completely confident in his delusions, unfortunately Josh was rapidly adjusting to Tyler’s unique way of turning a situation round to suit his desires. Moreover as the teacher out of the pair Josh also understood the weight of his actions, and despite the slim chance he knew if their mistake did ever go public he wouldn’t hold up to scrutiny. His career in teaching would be destroyed along with his public image, Tyler painted as the victim in every scenario.

“As defined by the law, which makes whatever the fuck that was a massive abuse of power, it doesn’t matter who initiated it, it’s assault regardless. End of debate.” He turned to leave, sick of the argument going in circles and unable to bear being sharing space with Tyler any longer. The reminder of their mistake lingering on his kiss bruised lips and weighted gaze, eyeing Josh like the lion does the antelope, a meal to be eaten, consumed, as he saw fit. As Josh reached the bottom of the stairs he turned back to Tyler, firmly reiterating his initial point, “This can’t and won't ever happen again. It was a mistake whether you think so or not,” 

Josh left Tyler standing at the bottom of the stairs, the expression on his face heartbreak shot through with fury, as though he’d been holding ice between his fingers and it was melting faster than he could contain it. Spiralling out of his control. He may have been a sly manipulative mentally troubled stalker, but he was still an adolescent who’d just been spurned by his first love. In the upstairs bathroom cabinet Josh found some co-codamol, left over from a knee injury earlier in the year, unwisely he took two on top of the alcohol still lingering in his system to ensure a deep, dreamless sleep ahead of class the following morning.

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know if any of you have had a phone launched down a flight of stairs at you before but that shit hurts... so yea that's what inspired that scene. violence is not cool and if your partner does this kinda shit casually when they're mad it means that they don't respect you so don't put up with that, i promise there's someone better out there for you and you're worth giving yourself a chance to find that person.
> 
> me doing research for young Tyler by rewatching slushieguys content? more likely than you'd think.  
> also that one image of Tyler in the N64 tee is iconic, couldn't not add that into this fic somewhere.  
> Thanks for reading, remember every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription fuels my caffeine induced writing haze. - Novi / @novioktober on Tumblr


	6. Act V: Evolving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the fallout... or two weeks of ice skating (metaphorically not literally, objectively the worst kind).
> 
> Oh hi Debby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm looking forward to what's to come.

The first thing he did when he got to work, after avoiding Tyler and leaving without him that morning, uncaring if Tyler kept his promise to return to classes, was seek out his teaching counterpart to request Tyler’s immediate move to her classes. He couldn’t be sure when Tyler was planning to move back home so until then he planned to get some time free of him at work - regardless of the hell Tyler would give him when he found out. Finding Mrs Allelea in the Science Department kitchenette she surprised him by initially refusing.

“He was originally moved _into_ your class Josh. I can’t just bring him back. He was moved for a reason,” This was news to Josh, who filed it away to think about at a more appropriate time. Still, he wasn’t about to be deterred from convincing her to take Tyler regardless of her reasons why it was a bad idea, nothing could be worse than his reason for getting rid of him.

“Please. You know I wouldn’t ask unless it was important! Just for a little while? A couple weeks maybe,” Not above begging, Josh was desperate enough to cover as many of her lessons as it cost to convince her to agree, ”We’ll justify an early return with the excuse we’re trialling him… Like probation or something, look, I don’t know yet, but please just... I’ll owe you one?” He smiled at her tiredly, sure it was unconvincing but trying nonetheless. Josh thrust his hands out clasped, praying for her understanding or mercy he wasn’t sure. Mrs Allelea sighed, shaking her head at him even even as she started to agree.

“Fine Josh, but only a week, 2 at the max. No longer, I don’t want to disrupt his or my classes' education anymore than I have to. And there is seriously something up with you lately. Don’t think I haven’t noticed, Karla in reception said you sounded completely out of it when you called in last week so sort yourself out or take some leave. I don’t care which. If you can’t do it for your own health, then do it for my peace of mind.” She sounded frustrated with him, but an agreement was still an agreement, regardless of how long for, Josh was desperate enough to take whatever he could get.

“Alright, yes, anything, thank you so much!” He’d hoped for longer, preferably the rest of term, but that was before he learned Tyler had been moved into his class from hers in the first place. Although ‘why’ was yet another mystery Josh wanted an answer to, but he didn't want to push Mrs Allelea at the risk she would rescinded her agreement so elected to leave that for a different day. Or ask Tyler when they were on talking terms again, but if Josh had any say that wouldn’t be for a while. 

For now he was just thankful for the break, he needed as much uninterrupted breathing space as he could achieve whilst living and working constantly adjacent to Tyler.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Josh!?” He heard before saw Tyler arrive, the door to his classroom swung open hard enough to hit the wall as the forest fire that was Tyler Joseph slighted swept into the room, all smoke and embers, Josh realised he was in danger of being singed from the sheer fury rolling off of him.

“Why’d you kick me out of your class? Also, why the hell did you leave without me this morning? I thought we were okay? You made your point now we go back to how things were, right?” Tyler wasn’t just mad, he was confused too, lashing out all the harder for it. Already believing they’d sorted their differences Josh moving his classes had him feeling rejected all over again.

“I just need a little space. I can’t get that when we live together so the class change is just for a week or two,” Josh could see the confusion plastered across Tyler’s face, he tried to gently explain his reasoning for the change to assuage Tyler’s worries. It didn’t work.

“What’s the point? It’s not like I talk much in class anyway!” Sounding exasperated, Tyler spread his arms wide gesturing to the now empty classroom, as suspected he wholly disagreed with Josh’s logic. Although Josh assumed his concern was more about needing to be at the centre of Josh’s universe, resolutely against the idea of having to give up control while they were separated during the day. Josh moved off from where he’d been perched on the edge of his desk, rubbing his hand up and down his left arm out of thoughtful habit he took several slow steps toward Tyler, trying to come up with a way to placate Tyler without agreeing to move his classes back.

“It’s just ‘til I can get my head a little more in order. Don’t be difficult. I’m just asking for a little space, it was this or kick you out,” As soon as the phrase ‘don’t be difficult’ left his mouth Josh knew he’d made a mistake, it negated any effect the latter reminder had. Josh felt his fact heat with anxiety as Tyler's eyebrows hit his hairline. In response Josh grit his teeth and squared his shoulders, refusing to back down as he waited for the inevitable backlash Tyler was about to unleash.

“Oh I’m sorry who’s being difficult? I told you I’m not staying forever, you’re not the only one with shit to sort out, remember?” They’d walked the room until they were in front of each other, ever stuck in a gravitational pull no matter how badly one wanted to be free of the other. Tyler leaned in close, taking up more of Josh’s personal space, he dropped his voice to an acidic hiss intending only the two of them to hear what he had to say next despite the empty classroom, ”It was just a fucking kiss Josh get over it. I have,”

Ice bathed Josh’s stomach, in spite of the venomous delivery a glassy shine had crept across Tyler’s eyes, exposing him as every bit the hurt adolescent putting on a brave front he was. An un-ignorable reminder for Josh as to why their mistake could never see a sequel. Tyler's expression combined with the bruise on his cheekbone from when Josh had knocked him on the floor only served to make him feel guiltier that their kiss ever happened in the first place.

“Whatever... Let's just go home, you can give me the silent treatment all evening if it makes you feel better,” Still trying to play the unaffected brat, but even as Tyler spoke he looked slightly miffed at his own words. As though the silent treatment was the last thing he wanted from Josh. Without waiting for Josh’s acquiescence, Tyler turned on heel to exit the classroom, all slumped posture and annoyed sighs but trusting Josh to follow nevertheless. Which he did, gathering up his grading, jacket and backpack, not wishing to linger in the tense atmosphere of the darkening classroom any longer. 

Unfortunately for Tyler, Josh really did want space from him in whatever form he could get. As easy as it had been to say ‘let's just forget that happened’, Josh found it much harder to put the intent into action, furthermore, even with his notoriously unreliable memory, Tyler was clearly struggling to put yesterday's events behind him as well. His standoffish attitude and the failed juxtaposition between his words and facial expressions during their latest conversation only reminded Josh of the clear imbalance in their ‘relationship’, despite Tyler still having Josh backed into a corner through his refusal to move out - more than willing to use threats to get his own way. With the event still so fresh in their minds Josh hoped the swapping of Tyler’s classes and a quiet week or two would give them both the time and space they needed to be able to come to terms with the mistake and move on. Whether Tyler agreed or not.

They return home without a further word spoken by either and that’s how life continues for the next week and a half. A chasm opening between them, leaving them stranded across the void from each other, the air between lingering tense, heavy, an almost impenetrable miasma that neither seems sure how to go about breaking. They no longer find accidental smiles or warmth seeping into casual conversation - because there are no more casual conversations. Nor off-hand talks about their shared passion for music or curious enquiry on Tyler’s behalf into an item or image he’d come across in Josh’s home, all ceased upon the onset of they’re new limbo-esque state of living. The most they spoke was in request to pass the salt over dinner or to exchange ‘good night or good morning’ depending on the hour: the barest of pleasantries.

Although Josh no longer believed Tyler was truly considering leaving, a part of him had still weakly hoped Tyler would’ve moved home by the end of the first week, unable or unwilling to deal with the stress of being spurned so vehemently by the object of his desires for so long. However, Josh was fast coming to terms with the fact that Tyler evidently didn’t see himself as an impostor in Josh’s home, hence why he didn’t feel any pressure to leave. He was more than happy with his bed, easy-going and relaxed as he made use of all the comforts of Josh’s home, from the fridge, to the wifi, to Josh’s own shower products, and most importantly he had unrestricted access to Josh. Even if they weren’t quite on speaking terms. Tyler still preferred to be where he could at least see Josh; finding excuses to loiter nearby despite their new limbo unless Josh shut himself away in his room. As far as Tyler was concerned he was entitled to his place in Josh’s life, he’d put over 6 months of work into securing it, why would he leave after finally bearing witness to the fruits of his labour?

Josh felt in the midst of a cold war, coasting until something inevitably caused Tyler to snap. Even so with the dawn of Wednesday, a week and a half into their tense new relationship, the dynamic between them changed again. He’d gotten used to Tyler’s need to be the centre of his world, previously experiencing him throwing the odd shoe, photo-frame and in one notable incident Josh’s own phone at him when he’d been angry or felt Josh was ignoring him, that he could live with. But this was different. Darker. A grim reminder of Tyler’s ability to escalate suddenly and seemingly without definable cause. 

Wednesday came around, bitterly cold and overcast, creating doubt in the weather channels' suggestions that the temperatures were finally starting to rise - feeling as though the weather was foreshadowing what was to come. Unfortunately the 2 weeks since Tyler had been switched classes was drawing to a close, and with Mrs Allelea refusing to keep Tyler any longer, Josh wasn’t looking forward to losing his personal space once again. 6:45 Wednesday evening found Tyler staring down the whole sea bass Josh had set on the counter, wondering what they’d done to warrant something so far out of their usual midweek meal range, Josh’s approach to cooking usually consisting of ‘the quicker and easier the better’. Catching Tyler’s raised eyebrow Josh felt the need to explain himself.

“It was on offer and I wanted something half-decent, healthy I guess? Healthier. We’re actually going to eat something containing genuine vitamins and minerals on a school night. Miracles never cease,” He laughed, gathering several pans he placed them on the cooker, before looking between the potatoes and pre-scaled bass trying to decide where to start. He was about to set Tyler to work peeling carrots when he appeared at Josh’s side holding a fillet knife: an extremely sharp, long, thin blade made for slicing fish into portions. Josh wasn’t surprised Tyler knew where it lived in his kitchen nevertheless the sight of Tyler holding any knife in his presence made him uncomfortable and he automatically took two steps out of range.

“I can do that, thanks,” Tyler mistook Josh moving away as acquiescence to prep the fish. Upon taking Josh’s place in front of the bass he set to work, easily and cleanly beginning to slice it into portions. Josh, taken aback by the surreal situation uncomfortably puzzled over why and how Tyler, a 17 year old from sleepy suburbia, knew how to filet a fish. Unwilling to approach an armed Tyler if he didn’t have Josh left him to the fish. They work quietly together for several peaceful minutes.

“We work well together. We’ve always worked well together,” Tyler says softly, after 10 minutes of unbroken silence, the double-entendre isn’t lost on Josh. Especially given the smile almost imperceptibly tilting the corners of Tyler’s mouth up as he gazes up at Josh from under his eyelashes, daring him to disagree while Tyler’s the one holding a knife.

“Tyler. Don’t start,” Josh replies just as quietly, not wishing to draw Tyler into an argument. Tyler looks coyly over at Josh, smile now very much taking over his previous blasé facial expression.

“I don’t know what you mean, all I said was we work well together in the kitchen,” He played off the double-meaning easily, focusing back on his work, even as he caused Josh to nervously consider if he'd read too much into Tyler's initial statement. Swiftly shaking off his anxiety Josh reminded himself how good Tyler had always been at manipulating him.

“Don’t play coy Tyler, you know exactly what you meant,” Josh tried playing as unaffected as Tyler, keeping his statement light, almost amused rather than pointed. They'd had two weeks of no arguments and he didn't want to start now. 

“Well am I wrong?”

“I said don’t start,” Josh stated more firmly, putting down the peeler and fully turning to face Tyler.

“Don’t tell me what to do Josh. You just don’t like that I’m right. Even just how it was before... We could be so good together,” Tyler was quickly getting heated, the double meanings and jokey tones dropped to communicate how he really felt; wishing Josh would just listen and respond honestly for once.

“Tyler, please don’t bring this up again. You already know why,” Tyler, who was angrily swilling off the knife in the sink next to him, didn’t respond or even look up to acknowledge Josh had spoken. Before he could think better of it Josh reached out, whether as an act of sympathy or to mollify Tyler he wasn’t sure. Barely brushing his hand across Tyler’s shoulder when Tyler finally snapped.

“That's not good enough!” Tyler shouted, almost two weeks worth of pent up emotion unleashed in one bad decision as he lunged. Josh reeled backward instinctively without yet knowing why. He registered a warm wet sensation welling up then dripping down his cheek before he’d even processed Tyler’s arm lashing out or the knife slicing a long thin gash just under his eye - the pain taking its time to catch up due to the razor sharpness of the blade. Frozen in place, the whole scene seemed to take place at half speed, Josh gingerly brought his fingertips to his cheek, pressing at the gash he found on the swell of his cheekbone, he pulled his hand away to find his fingers slick with blood. Staring at them confused, Josh was still trying to piece the events together in his mind when he was distracted by the high ringing clatter of the fillet knife hitting the ground then bouncing and singing across the tiles, before coming to rest under one of the counters. 

He glanced from the where the knife had disappeared to up at Tyler upon the first of his hitching gasps, hands pressed against his mouth, wide with shock over his actions. Josh couldn't stop himself as backed away from Tyler, even without knife currently in-hand, Josh no longer wanted to be in an enclosed space with the emotionally unstable teen. He grabbed a clean dish towel off the centre island as he moved round it, aiming to keep Tyler on the opposite side. Undeterred by Josh's logical need for space Tyler tried to follow, begging, spilling apologies as though they were sand escaping through his fingers, tripping over all his words, eyes glassy with tears. Josh, holding the dish towel to his steadily bleeding cheek, backed up rapidly still trying to keep the kitchen island between them before stepping backwards into the dining room still unwilling to turn his back on Tyler, fearing he might end up with a bigger knife in his back if Tyler’s panic got the better of him. Josh had never been so thankful he lived in clothes that could pass for workout gear, when he was far enough into the dining room he turned and fled grabbing his running shoes on the way out the door. 

Doing the one activity Tyler couldn’t interrupt or join him for helped Josh feel safe, even as the blood still made sluggish pace down the side of his face, dripping onto the dish cloth he’d tucked down the side of his hood, protecting his mauve hoodie. Although he’d already been out earlier that evening his tired legs kept putting one foot in front of the other, needing to release the panicked energy, flight mode keeping him moving. Although he knew he’d regret it later when his overexerted muscles made their existence known. He ran on and on into the evening, picking the route at random, traversing through parks and neighbourhoods he didn’t recognise until he came upon a convenience store with a payphone out front, slowing as he spotted the payphone, an ill thought out idea took form as he headed inside. He purchased a bottle of water and asked for cashback before wandering back out to the payphone; with one hand he shoved his wallet back into the zippered pocket on the back of his joggers while he shoved coins into the phone with the other, jabbing in Debby's number and hitting call before he could think better of it. Despite how suspicious it made him look, especially when combined with his bloody cheek and use of the outdated payphone, Josh couldn’t stop himself routinely checking over his shoulder for Tyler. Although realistically he knew he couldn’t have followed, given that Josh himself wasn’t even sure where he was, the terror still flooding his system forced him to double check. He had to be sure. Debby picked up after the 5th ring, never one to answer unknown numbers,

“Debby, oh thank fuck you picked up,” Ecstatic relief flood through Josh at Debby’s confused ‘hello’. Tyler still hadn’t returned his phone which had made him unable to speak to her the Friday prior and he'd missed her reassuring chatter terribly.

“Josh!?” Debby responded in alarm, “Where’s your phone? Why are you out of breath, what’s happened?" She quickly fired off questions, attempting to ascertain if Josh was safe.

“Just out for my run, but I don’t have my phone, it’s okay though this is the best way to speak to you alone,” He was out of breath and tripping over his words, unsure how much he could actually tell Debby without putting her in danger. 

“Josh you’re not making sense! You’re seriously fucking scaring me right now,” In contrast to her words Debby sounded pissed off more than anything, she’d never been one to do fear usually skipping straight to anger. The effect was usually a balm on Josh’s anxiety however it didn’t prove much of a reassurance in that moment, Josh was already second guessing his idea to call her, knowing in the long run it was only going to cause her more stress and worry.

“Sorry Debby, I just… There’s so much I want to say but I’m so fucking afraid, I’ve gotta go soon, fuck I’m sorry for being so weird right now,” Josh had been sure if there was anyone he could tell the insanity that was his life to it would have been Debby. But now he had her on the phone there was a lump of terror stuck in his throat and he was having trouble getting his words out. Still checking over his shoulder, Josh jumped at every pair of car headlights that passed over him or every squeal of bike tires outside the convenience store.

“Josh! Don’t go. Please just tell me something, anything, you’ve got me really worried,” Debby begged as Josh moved the phone away from his ear intent on hanging up as his anxiety got the best of him.

“My stalkers back, that’s all I can say right now.” With that Josh hung up, panicked that he’d finally said something, fearful Tyler would somehow know. He turned, beginning a slow jog back home, slow both because his legs were beginning to give up as well as because he had to follow the street signs after finding himself in completely unfamiliar surroundings.

Tyler’s sat on the doorstep, head in his hands, when Josh rounded on the driveway, the shaking of his shoulders suggested he was still crying. As he heard footsteps and Josh’s uneven breaths heading up the driveway he slowly lifted his tear-streaked face to meet Josh’s uneasy wide-eyed stare, keeping his movements slow in an effort not frighten Josh further.

“Josh, are you mad at me?” He asked, his voice broken from his evening of tears, sounding as though he'd been gargling glass. The question darkened Josh's mood instantaneously.

“How is that even a question? Yes I'm fucking mad, you tried to stab me!” Josh couldn't help raising his voice, not stopping to consider if his neighbours could hear their exchange - completely taken aback Tyler even needed to ask such a stupid question.

“I didn’t.. I.. didn’t…” Tyler started to argue around his sobs, the words sticking in his throat, not finding cohesive sentences when he opened his mouth to try and explain or justify or just convince Josh he'd never meant to hurt him.

Josh cut him off, “Good point. You didn’t try. You succeeded at stabbing me,” He was sweaty, shaking and furious, he didn't want to have this conversation with Tyler. A part of Josh genuinely feared such an emotionally unbalanced Tyler may yet try to hurt him if he didn’t agree or go along with his explanation for the attack. Something his own pride wasn’t willing to do. What Josh wanted more than anything was a hot shower to wash the sweat out of his stinging cut and to be as far away from Tyler as he could physically get while living under the same roof.

“No that’s not what…” Tyler began trying to explain himself again but Josh, having had all he could take of Tyler’s apologies and excuses, pushed past and raced up the stairs leaving a distraught Tyler swaying in the doorway. He couldn't deal with an emotional or apologetic Tyler right now, Josh wanted to remain mad. 

If Josh had thought their time living together had been a cold-war before it was glacial now, before he'd let Tyler pass his time in the same room, opting to pretend as though the teenager wasn't there, but now he couldn't stand to be in the same space as Tyler, choosing to spend most of his time in his room where he felt safest. Tyler tried only twice more between Wednesday and Saturday to explain his actions, both times shot down by Josh who really wanted Tyler out of his life, insisting each time Tyler tried to start that conversation that if he'd ever needed a signal to leave now he had it. Tyler stopped trying to justify himself after that, clearly not wanting the reminder Josh didn't want him around, that he was in fact still an impostor just playing house in his victims home. Saturday arrived and Josh’s face still stung in the shower. His constant reminder Wednesday evening was real, making the kiss feel like a distant memory, a mistake which occurred between two entirely different people. 

Having heard a chair being pulled out in the dining room Josh tensed. Only a few days had passed since the attack and Josh was still struggling with Tyler's quiet ghosting through the house, routinely making him jump when he found the adolescent loitering behind him. Still uncomfortable with his back to Tyler, Josh wrestled with his emotion by reminding himself Tyler had to eat too and upon hearing Josh making lunch had come to hunt down his own. Trying to assert some control over his anxiety Josh forced himself to speak up, intent on making an offer of lunch in an attempt to prove more to himself than Tyler that he was still in charge of the situation.

“Uh Tyler…” His voice sounded panicked and pathetic to his own ears, making Josh bite his cheek to prevent himself from cringing. Decidedly not the effect he'd been hoping for.

“Try again.” Came the unexpected reply from an unamused Debby, shocking Josh enough to have him spinning round to face her, he swept the bread knife to the floor as he did so. The similar sounding clatter pitched him back into Wednesday night, causing Josh to spook further, flattening himself hard against the counter he took several harsh breaths trying and failing to keep the fear from his expression.

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come ask or tell me random things on Tumblr lmao: @novioktober
> 
> btw: it's pronounce Ah-lee-leah, lmao she was going to be called Mrs Mitochondria but i thought that was too on the nose so don't kill me. i'm a triple sci nerd... and just really like science puns.
> 
> Thanks for reading, remember every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription fuels my caffeine induced writing haze. - Novi


	7. Act VI: Witnessing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Debby bares witness. Tyler is not amused. Josh continues to keep is head above water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise this fic isn't going to remain a parlour room drama aha, just this chapter.

**SATURDAY:**

“Debby!” Josh exhaled in a rush, out of breath from a mix of fear and surprise, ”When did you get here!?”

“About 2 minutes ago,” Debby sat at the head of his dining table appearing as put together as ever. But the badly concealed concern in her expression belied the reason for her unannounced visit, she would not have made the 3 day trek just for a coffee and catch up, still shaken from Josh’s strange call she needed to know in person he was okay. 

Seeing her alone and without considerable luggage was a relief to Josh, who didn’t know how he was going to explain that the spare-room had already acquired a long-term lodger. Josh knew he’d been frozen for too long when Debby broke the silence for him.

“Uh.. Josh, who’s Tyler?” She asked, openly suspicious.

“I am,” Came Tyler’s inquisitive voice from the other side of the dining room, she twisted in her seat as surprised at Tyler’s arrival as Josh had been hers. He wandered in through the dining room archway, originally intent on checking on Josh after hearing him drop the butter knife but now far more interested in puzzling out why Debby had arrived without him being forewarned.

“And what are you doing here? Josh never mentioned anyone was staying with him,” Her initial shock swiftly morphed back into distrust. Debby and Josh had always shared almost too much of their lives with each other and for Josh not only to have gone MIA but also have a stranger living with him - judging by his damp hair, comfort wear and bare feet, immediately had her putting her guard up regardless of his relatively harmless appearance.

“I live here,” Sniffed Tyler, offended at Debby's icy tone,”I think the better question is what are you doing here?”

“I’m visiting my closest friend, I’m worried about him,” Tyler's face scrunched up with annoyance the second she turned away to aim the latter half of her statement at Josh, giving him a direct stare she knew Tyler couldn’t see. The look suggested she was going to get to the root of whatever was going on with the pair of them, whether Josh wanted her to or not. He'd never been so thankful for Debby’s overprotective nature in his life.

“Have you been here long Tyler? It’s just I’m sure Josh would have mentioned you, we talk every Friday,” Debby questioned, aiming for airy casual, Josh expected the answer that came next before Tyler had even opened his mouth to speak. Nevertheless Josh discreetly tried to stare Tyler down as soon as Debby looked away from him, coming round the kitchen island to stand in the dining room next to her. Tyler aimed a genial smile at Debby, knowing an opportunity when he saw one.

“Me and Josh’s are together,” He laid the implication on heavy as his eyes flicked up to meet Josh’s, daring him to dispute the claim, before coming back to rest on Debby. Letting his face morph into a warm, open expression he lent one shoulder onto the arch, posture polite and at ease as he continued forming his cover story, “But you’re right of course I haven’t been here very long. I had to leave my previous place and Josh was nice enough to say I could stay awhile,” he gave her a ‘what can you do’ half shrug, followed up with a small amused quirk of his mouth. Debby promptly returned the gesture with her sickliest ‘sure, whatever you say sweetheart’ smile. Not buying the story Tyler was selling for a second, yet Debby was reticent to openly challenge him while so obviously behind enemy lines, and without a good understanding of the state of things between the two men. However, the cut on Josh's cheek set off an uneasy red-flag in her mind, cautioning her to tread carefully.

The calm ease with which he’d explained his connection to Josh as well as his reason for residence in Josh’s home deeply unsettled Debby, she knew she easily would have been fooled by his welcoming attitude were it not for the nature of her visit. Josh had never informed her he had a boyfriend, let alone someone living with him despite their close relationship and with the memory of his lonely admission a mere 2 weekends prior, in Debby’s eyes things were already not looking good for Tyler. In the dark as to the level of threat he posed, as well as his true familiarity with Josh, she elected to play the long-game with Tyler for now. At least until she could get Josh alone. Once Josh had filled her in on the truth of the situation they could form a plan, if necessary Debby was more than willing to have Josh move in with her and her fiance, involve the police or if things got really sticky for them she had said finance on standby to call the police for her and alert them where she was - though she hoped that was just an extreme measure she’d put in place after Josh’s strange phone call.

“Wow, that’s quite the surprise! I’m glad to see Josh is finally settling down and moving on after the last one, given how well that ended,” She laughed politely, going along with Tyler’s version of events, although her smile didn’t reach her eyes. Tyler’s narrowed in response, searching her face for any signs of deception, although he clearly enjoyed whatever he found because he tipped his head back slightly, looking down his nose appearing haughty but amused. His expression was the most authentic Debby had seen on his face thus far, the room suddenly chilled ice cold, in response to the shifting mood the hairs on Debby’s arms visibly stood on end. She understood in that moment her duplicity had been noted, he knew she was simply playing along, his mien inferred that he was now challenging her, wishing to see how far she was willing to take their game before chancing Tyler’s threat to her, or Josh by calling him out on his falsehoods.

“Yeah, I understand to say it ended badly would be a bit of an understatement. I’m glad I finally got to meet you Debby, Josh has told me so much,“ Tyler replied cheekily, correctly interpreting Debby’s subtext, she knew damn-well Tyler didn’t have a clue what he was talking about. Josh wouldn’t have told Tyler a single thing about his previous break-up, in spite of it being one of the main reasons he’d taken a job so far away from his hometown. Having left following a mental break brought on by his anxieties about finishing uni, settling down, and just being good enough for Debby, his friends and family in general. Hence why he ran from them all. 

In spite of her awareness that Josh hadn’t told his workplace much of anything about his breakdown, nor gone on to form a new social circle in his new town, Debby had left him to it given he hadn’t been there a full year yet. Hopeful if he took things slowly he would find his feet or move back home. Although she still endeavoured to keep in touch just to make sure his mental health didn’t take another spill or allow him to dangerously isolate himself. All in all she was pretty confident Josh hadn’t filled Tyler in on any of his past, since that would defeat the object of starting over in first place.

“Me too Tyler. Especially considering Josh didn’t even tell me you existed. I’m only staying three days though so I’m looking forward to getting to know you as much as I can while I’m here,” Debby admitted her short stay plans more for Josh’s benefit than Tyler’s, hoping to warn him of the limited time he had to share what was going on before she left.

Josh watched their exchange warily, very much feeling caught in the middle of an unstoppable force and immovable object, crushed between Tyler’s possessiveness and Debby’s protective nature. He now knew how a sheep in a field felt watching the guard-hound stare down the stalking wolf. Unfortunately for this scenario the wolf had long since made its bed with the sheep while the hound was off enjoying greener pastures. Josh paused to consider if sheep could get Stockholm syndrome, him being the sheep in this scenario he hoped not, his future already looked bleak enough as it was.

Despite her lack of substantial luggage Josh thought it prudent to offer Debby the spare room regardless of the low-level panic already scratching the back of his throat at the thought of her saying yes.

“It’ll be great getting to catch up in person, still sucks it’s only 3 days though. Do you want me to sort out the spare room for you?” Josh attempted to downplay his rising worry but the excitement that lit up Tyler’s smile at the prospect of moving into Josh’s bed for 2 nights had Josh wishing to launch the butter knife he’d retrieved from the floor across the room at him. 

“Oh! Thanks for offering, but no thanks, I already got a pretty nice room in town,” Debby refuted the offer with a wave of her pastel nails, bracelets making a pleasing jingling noise as she did so. Nothing had sounded more like relief to Josh than that moment.

“Are you sure? You usually stay with me, it's no trouble,” Josh hated having to push the offer, especially with the way hope was so clearly clinging to Tyler’s features, however on the previous occasions Debby had stayed she always took the spare room. He was curious to know why this weekend was different given she couldn’t have known Tyler was staying with him prior to arrival.

“Well, I originally only booked it for the first night on the rare chance you got snippy about me turning up unannounced, now I know you’ve got company I think I’ll stick with my room for both nights,” She replied with an easy-going shrug, Tyler looked disappointed while Josh smiled in a fashion he hoped portrayed understanding rather than abject relief. The sting of his cheek reminding him of every reason why he should be glad he wouldn’t be forced to share a room with Tyler - already dreading keeping up the pretence that he and Tyler were anything resembling a couple.

Josh hadn’t realised quite how close Tyler stuck to him until Debby had come to visit, the time they spent in Debby's company made him hyper-aware of any move he or Tyler made. The phantom of their kiss lingering over his shoulder caused an undercurrent of paranoia to build as the afternoon progressed. Dreading the idea of a repeat simply to benefit the ruse he’d been forced into. Prior to Debby's arrival he’d just stop noticing quite how much time he and Tyler spent in each other's presence, no matter if they were at odds with each other or not, wherever Josh was Tyler was never far behind. Although Tyler slicing his face had caused a rift, making Josh jumpy when Tyler appeared without warning it still hadn't lessened the significant amount of hours they shared on any given day. Tyler had become Josh’s second shadow. Shadow being the best analogy for the manner in which Tyler kept at his side, the way he moved from room to room always ghostly, steps near enough silent regardless if he forewent shoes or not. Moreover Tyler never felt the need to fill any of their silences with words, more than happy enough just to drink in Josh’s existence, always watching him and always ready with a warm smile whenever Josh noticed him. With Debby's arrival Josh had been forced to confront the amount of time they spent orbiting each other, in spite of his new found awareness he didn't know how to change anything.

Tyler’s distrust of Debby only seemed to make him more inclined to remain affixed to Josh’s side. Of course he’d been distrustful of Debby even before her arrival, already aware of Josh’s trust and fondness for her even without knowing the true extent of their history, her physical presence merely seemed to exacerbate his dislike for her. Given the depth of his infatuation with Josh his distrust for Debby had been guaranteed from the moment Tyler had been made aware of her existence, however, to Josh's bafflement that didn't seem to stop either of them from enjoying the verbal chess match they’d struck up after their introduction. 

By the end of Saturday Josh wasn't so sure he liked his old and new world colliding. Fearing for Debby if she inadvertently took her jibes too far and set off Tyler's violent streak. Furthermore Josh had little doubt he'd be facing his own repercussions for Debby's unexpected visit. He knew he was going to be blamed and punished regardless of the fact Tyler didn’t know about his payphone call to her.

**SUNDAY:**

Having received a summarised version of events, sans kiss, Saturday evening while Tyler had taken a shower Sunday found Debby trying to make peace with Josh’s concern Tyler was sick when his resident second shadow hadn’t woken until late into Sunday morning.

“Is he okay?” She nodded toward Tyler, who’d shuffled straight into Josh then draped one of Josh’s arms around his shoulders, pressing his face into Josh’s collarbone as he mumbled something Debby couldn’t make out from her stool the other side of the kitchen island. A disturbed curl pulled at her upper lip as she watched Josh startle slightly before letting his hand tighten around Tyler’s shoulder encouraging him to lean more of his weight into Josh.

The more she learned of Tyler the more her unease around him grew, Debby had found it so easy to pull up to Josh’s house, willing to be the firefighter, the muscle, the detective coming in with an outsiders fresh perspective when the stalker had still been an abstract concept, based on snippets of stories told to her half informed and partially speculative during Friday evening phone calls. When they had both been tired from a working week, looking to de-stress and unwind with a joke, sharing anecdotes and laughs - the bizarre situation never really given the serious attention it deserved. Now to be in the thick of it with the pair of them, experiencing a handful of moments in Josh’s everyday life, witnessing their interactions with even the cliff-notes summary as well as the few interactions with Tyler she did have was a struggle she hadn’t been prepared for. 

To describe Josh as a metronome was the simplest way Debby could make sense of their relationship. The wild ticking of the needle back and forth representing the juxtaposition of Josh’s feelings toward Tyler compared to his body language or handling of the obsessive youth. She’d watched them exchange many mutual smiles already, noting Josh’s odd tendency to frequently glance up midway through tasks such as making drinks or mid-way through conversation with her to locate Tyler, at which point he always responded to Tyler’s soft smile with one of his own. Yet should Tyler be the one to seek Josh out first Josh always startled, consequently backing away to put several paces between them. 

Debby didn't quite know what to make of the odd rules their relationship was built on but what she did know was it made her deeply uncomfortable that Josh’s habit of searching Tyler out in a room seemed to have been going on long enough for Josh to seem aware he responded in kind when Tyler smiled at him. What confused her further was despite the close life they led physically when Josh spoke of or too Tyler his own behaviour was in direct opposition with their subconscious physicality, always cagey or resigned when speaking to the youth and anxious or fearful when speaking of him to Debby. 

Debby considered that Josh's mind was viewing Tyler differently depending on whether he was actively thinking about him or not. On a conscious level he feared Tyler, keeping the reasons why he needed to at the forefront of his memory, however, at least partly, whenever he wasn't actively thinking about Tyler his mind had already begun to view him no different than it would any other piece of furniture about the house. Coming to accept Tyler as he would any other odd addition to the natural habitat of the home, something akin to the midnight creaks of the house settling or the kitchen cupboard door that sits crooked no matter how often you reset it: unexpected but eventually the absence of would be deemed the stranger scenario. She stared at Josh perplexed, waiting for him to string together the right set of words to explain Tyler’s strange turn.

'Physically? Yes. Mentally? Not so much. He has these really hard-core dissociative episodes. I don't know what causes them, they just kind of happen," His explanation helped Debby understand why Josh was handling Tyler so carefully, keeping Tyler tucked close to his chest as he attempted to make drinks one handed. She didn't feel more comfortable seeing the act of concern play out in front of her but given Josh's history of mental health struggles she could make peace with Josh's compulsion to handle him carefully. The behaviour coming from a place of empathy. Debby eventually stepped in, gently nudging them out of the way to take over drink making.

“Well... That's decidedly not good. I hope I'm not stressing him out?” She considered aloud if her unexpected presence could have been partly to blame, unsure what kinds of situations brought on dissociation. Although Josh’s reply hadn't been what Debby expected, given Tyler’s obsessive stalking and the stunts he’d pulled to get Josh’s attention she couldn’t say she was surprised he was suffering from at least one kind of serious mental illness.

“I don't know, maybe? The only times I know about were when we were at Starbucks and the again the first night he moved in, so I guess maybe high emotions or stress set them off? I’m honestly not sure,” Josh answered over his shoulder, guiding Tyler into the living room and handing him a cup of herbal tea once he was comfortable in the armchair. Josh seated himself on the end of the couch closest to Tyler but physically faced Debby, accepting a mug of coffee as she sat next to him still absorbing this newest fact about Tyler.

“Shit. My bad. I want to say I'll go a little easier on him…” She said with a lowered voice, hesitant to finish her sentence, Debby paused to find the best way to soften the harsh lines of her reply.

“When he comes out of it but you can't promise anything because he's been fucking stalking me for who knows how long,” Josh finished for her with a bittersweet frown, she smiled embarrassed with herself but nonetheless relieved at Josh’s understanding.

"Yeah. I know the feeling. That's how I felt interrogating him in Starbucks," Josh remembered the guilt he’d felt continuing to question Tyler in spite of his obvious difficulty following the conversation with a head full of static. She already thought the weird hot and cold way they lived was odd enough itself, figuring she could handle things getting a little stranger. Out of curiosity Debby asked, 

“Do you actually know what’s wrong with him? Like a diagnosis or something?”

“Well… No, why would I? I'm not his psychologist. Plus it doesn’t say anything in his school file, I checked.”

“You could just try asking politely? You'd be surprised how far respect and nice manners gets a person," She suggested with a facetious hair flip, of little doubt that if Josh asked Tyler would answer genuinely. Josh shook his head with a smile, amused in spite of their heavy conversation. Tyler twitched, shifting then re-shifting, unable to get comfy due to the headache frying his brain and the world unable to focus whenever he opened his eyes, causing him to feel simultaneously inside and outside of his own body. Debby and Josh’s quiet conversation refused to resemble English to his ears, when the words did register in the correct language he forgot them faster than he could compute that they were talking about him.

They continued to chat in hushed tones, the conversation naturally shifting from Tyler to their own mental health, to remembrances of simpler, only slightly less fraught, times from their years at university together - neither held onto any animosity for the way things had ended between them discussing only the happiest or fondest of their times together without bitterness or judgement. Following Josh’s flight, and the subsequent of their relationship that it wrought, their love had morphed into something of a bond between siblings, supportive and with the type of inside humour that would leave most people scratching their heads if they tried to follow their conversational leaps.

After what felt like an eternity of time stretching and warping but was in all actuality closer to 1 hour Tyler slid to his feet, causing Josh and Debby’s conversation to trail off. Unbalanced, as though he wasn’t quite sure the ground beneath his feet was solid, he began to gingerly make his way toward the hallway, eyes squinty he carefully picked his way around the coffee table so he could pass closest to Josh as he headed for the stairs.

“I’m gonna' go back to bed,” Was all he mumbled by way of explanation. Debby didn’t miss how Josh raised his hand high enough to let Tyler brush their fingers together on his way past, whether his gesture had been an aborted attempt to steady Tyler or a genuine offer of comfort didn’t matter. Yet another red flag had set up camp in the steadily growing battalion of worries she was building against Tyler.

Debby seized on the two hours Tyler slept to grill Josh on a comprehensive timeline of events, starting with the letters up to her arrival, as well as what he was actually planning to do about Tyler. His response boiled down to a very vague, Step 1: Get him to move out & Step 2: Get him some help. Needless to say their conversation did nothing to assuage her worries but Josh asked for a little more time before she stepped in anymore than she already had, promising her if Tyler wasn't gone by Josh’s birthday Debby was welcome to intervene as she saw fit. They shook on it.

"I’m going to need you to give Josh’s phone back," Tyler had been returning from the kitchen on his way to find Josh, currently working on the usual last minute adjustments to his lesson plans same as he did every late Sunday evening, when he was abruptly accosted by Debby loitering by the dining room table. Tyler didn't miss a beat responding immediately and perhaps not in the fashion Debby had expected judging by the way her perfectly shaped eyebrows shot to her hairline.

“Fine,” Tyler shrugged, Debby almost mistook his response for sarcasm, having said it with a flat tone and bored expression, making his actual intentions incredibly hard to read. His behaviour had been the same since he came out of his dissociative episode giving Debby a good insight into what Josh had meant when described Tyler as not ‘himself’ when recounting the interrogation. 

Confused she’d asked Josh if he felt whiplash whenever Tyler’s mood hopped from one extreme to the other because that was the only way she could explain how she was feeling; Josh’s reply had been an unhelpful ‘not anymore, you just kind of get used to it’. Tyler wasn’t even trying to be nice, fake as it had been previously, now he just seemed apathetic to her continued existence. Debby found the change in his mannerism incredibly jarring more so than the weird fear / acceptance carousel of his and Josh’s relationship.

“Really?“ She breathed in shocked disbelief, not trusting the solution to be so easy. She’d fully expected, moreover she had been willing to fight him over the issue, unable to bear the idea of returning home without a reliable connection to enable her to support Josh from afar - as she had done since his mental break, now feeling he could use the support even more than he had then.

“Yeah, I’ll go get it now,” Tyler jogged up the stairs, Debby waited at bottom, still partially believing he’d tricked her and wasn’t going to come back, he did less than 3 minutes later, walking straight past her and into the living room to hand the phone back to a confused Josh working at his desk in the living room. Without further comment on the phone Tyler moved to sit in the armchair to the left of the desk, opening his tattered notebook on a partially filled page to continue scrawling in black spidery handwriting, a favoured past time although neither Josh nor Debby had yet to figure out what he wrote about. Tyler paid half an ear to any conversation between the pair adding in his own comments or opinions every now and again, more to let them know that he was still listening than because he cared about any of the topics discussed. She left that Sunday night with the promise to return when school let out Monday to spend a couple more hours with Josh before she began her drive home, Debby already knew she was going to be shedding tears as he waved her off in the rear-view mirror Monday dinner time.

**MONDAY:**

“Where’s Tyler?” Debby asked as she and Josh made their way to the living room, the time was approaching four and she had little time left with Josh before she had to leave for home. She’d been there long enough for them to pass the usual front door greetings and brew a cup of coffee but still Tyler hadn’t put in an appearance, unusual for the attentive youth who didn’t like leaving Josh alone with her if he could help it.

“I have no clue, he wasn’t waiting for a lift when I got to my car so…” Josh trailed off unsure what else to say, he didn’t know where Tyler was or what mischief he was getting up to and frankly didn’t care. Choosing look on the bright-side and enjoy a couple relaxed hours with Debby.

“That’s weird right?” Already not looking forward to the drive home, Tyler choosing that evening to vanish was doing nothing for Debby’s pre-departure jitters.

“I don’t want to spook you but this is the first time it’s happened since he moved in,” Josh grimaced, Debby looked over to him from where she sat at the opposite end of the couch, very much spooked, she couldn’t keep the nerves from creasing a frown into the space between her brows.

“Fuck, that doesn’t make me feel good,” She scrunched her face up, tucking her legs underneath her so she was small and cosy on the end of the couch. The warm cup of coffee in her hands did nothing to help calm the uneasy feeling churning up her stomach, making her feel watched in spite of Tyler's absence. If this was how Josh felt all the time she wasn’t sure how he hadn’t gone mad a long time ago. 

“The only consolation I can offer you is, he can’t drive and he’s already stalking me so he probably won’t stalk you back to your place,” Josh tried to reassure Debby, who looked genuinely nervous at the prospect of leaving without knowing Tyler’s exact whereabouts. The scene was slightly comical to Josh who was used to Tyler’s odd behaviour, vanishing and reappearing as he wished, however he had more experience with Tyler and knew Tyler was very much human, very much not some comic-book phantom with teleportation powers and very much didn’t know how to drive, relying on Josh to go anywhere he didn't deem within cycling distance.

“As much as I want that to make me feel better, it kind of makes me realise why this is so weird, if I’m leaving now why isn’t he here to take full advantage of having you all to himself again?” Debby questioned, Josh didn’t have a good answer, fully in agreement that it was odd-timing for Tyler to vanish again. Although he knew Tyler rarely did anything without a reason - even if that reason was based in his own questionable logic. Josh firmly believed his absence wasn’t a coincidence and he probably wasn't going to like whatever Tyler had planned, potentially getting ready to enact whatever repercussions Josh was going to have to face for Debby’s unannounced visit. 

“I wish I knew so I could reassure you some more but I have no idea, he didn’t mention anything this morning that I can remember, and he hasn’t text me or anything this afternoon. Look can’t we just enjoy this Tyler free hour or so before you leave? That’s not an opportunity I get very often,” He laughed, Debby looked concerned but acquiesced, also wanting to spend some uncensored time just chatting with Josh. Despite Josh wanting to enjoy his Tyler free evening that didn’t keep the conversation from quickly turning to the subject of his 17 year old housemate nee stalker. With his phone back Josh promised Debby he’d keep her in the loop for as long as the device was in his possession, before reassuring her again that he had the situation under control. Guilt weighed heavy, still feeling that he wasn’t being entirely honest with her, but saying the sentiment aloud felt good nonetheless, a promise to himself as much as her that he was going to get his life back.

Although Debby agreed it would be useful for Tyler to seek help, both in getting him to stay away from Josh by dealing with the root of his delusions and to prevent him going on to do anything more extreme in future, Debby was still concerned about where Josh’s need to help Tyler was coming from. Whether he wanted to help truly because he knew how it felt to be left alone with one’s own horrors or because there was something more sinister, more codependent, forming between the pair. Thankful more than ever Debby had a means of contacting Josh again she made him promise to keep in touch repeatedly as they hugged goodbye on the doorstep. She was right, she did have tears prickling at her eyes as she drove away.

Debby left Monday evening worried. For multiple reasons. Tyler was a tricky creature to gauge, very wily and clearly skilled at hiding the extent of his damaged psyche, Debby held great concern over what time could do with respect to almost teaching him how to hone or feed into his delusions, she worried what he could grow to become or do if there wasn’t intervention soon, if Josh couldn’t convince him to get the psychological help he so clearly needed. She wanted desperately to believe that Josh did have the situation under control, that Tyler really was going to go home soon and would be convinced to seek some soft of treatment sooner rather than later but an insistent red-flag at the back of her mind kept her doubts alive, made the drive home feel wrong, almost akin to abandonment despite having her own life and responsibilities to get back too. Having already set a reminder on her phone for Josh's birthday, Debby added an addendum to ring the police and adolescent mental health service the moment she received confirmation Josh had failed to remove Tyler from his life. She hoped it wouldn't come to that but knew she would do what needed to be done if Josh couldn't. 

Josh’s soft edges were perfect for Tyler to sink his claws into, he always wanted to believe the best in people, his naturally supportive personality belying the anxiety underneath. Along with a dislike for confrontation or inconveniencing people, Josh’s easy going attitude made for exploits in Tyler’s attempts to keep himself by Josh’s side - perfect perches for him to nest, ever the vulture scavenging in the ruins of someone else's life to support his own. However, there was a spine in Josh’s back, canines in his jaw, his fear just as capable of pushing him to extremes as it was at shutting him down completely, and come the day when Josh snapped at Tyler instead of backing down or removing himself from the confrontation, that day Debby worried for Josh, for what Tyler would do when he realised Josh wouldn’t bow down and be his perfect marionette, dancing to whatever tune Tyler's delusions demanded. 

But for now Debby had to return home, welcoming her own break from Tyler’s headfuckery even as she felt the pit in her stomach deepen at the thought of leaving Josh in the midst of it. She promised herself she would return as soon as she could, to check in and provide Josh with a couple days sanity break and to ensure he was at least a couple steps closer to removing Tyler from his life. 

And yet still something just didn’t feel right.

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next two chapters should shake things up a bit in-case anyone's beginning to feel stagnant.
> 
> Big Ups to you for continuing to read whateverthefuck this is, remember every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription fuels my caffeine induced writing haze. - Novi / @novioktober on Tumblr


	8. Act VII: Martyrdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At least if I go, I go without regret, for all I achieved I achieved through love, can you say the same? 
> 
> / oøo |-/ oøo \ 
> 
> If I’m such a monster, then why do I care so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***TW for graphic violence // starts right after the line 'growled in fury' & finishes at the line 'setting to work clearing the scene' ***

Oh Debby was nice. Just so sweet. With her round face and kind eyes, giving her a look that made anyone want to pour out their woes while she listened intently, hands anchored protectively around theirs, but that mischievous glint completed the overall effect, suggesting if you did she’d help you wipe your tears then whisk you out into the world for the kind of drunken revelry that made you forget a time where you had ever known sadness; you’d somehow end the night with 5 more friends than when you started and a thousand new happy memories to keep the darkness at bay.

There would be no winning here. Debby wasn't competition. No... Debby was a wall. An immovable obstacle. He had very little choice but to make peace with the decision he’d long since made... And remove that wall. But how do you remove a wall? You can’t just pick it up and throw it away. No. A wall is something you tear down, destroy, obliterate.

In the end it wasn’t a difficult decision. As soon as Debby showed herself to be a threat Debby had to go. No one could come between Josh and Tyler. Nothing would come between Josh and Tyler. Tyler needed Josh more than he needed oxygen. Josh was Tyler’s support system and whether he wanted to admit it or not Josh cared about Tyler too. Unfortunately he also cared about Debby, kind helpful Debby with the phone happy thumbs. He couldn’t risk Josh crying to her over every little growing pain between them - then Debby getting any smart-ass ideas about calling the police. No. She knew too much and held too much power over them. She had to disappear. For good.

He got to work planning the minute he'd accepted his mind was made. No time like the present and he couldn’t be sure how much time he had to plan then execute his plan to execute Debby. In case that wasn’t clear, that was the plan. The plan was a plan to execute a plan to execute Debby.

Luckily Debby was well organised, moreover Josh provided him the perfect distraction when he and Debby went to have one of their clandestine little talks. About him... It’s like they didn’t realise how obtuse they were being? So he let them have at it. With a little help from some graphite dust, a strip of sellotape, and quick rifle through her bag he’d easily gained access to Debby’s phone, which she’d been dumb enough to leave charging on the side in the kitchen. Those thumbprint phone-locks weren’t such hot shit after all, definitely not super secret levels of secure. Meaning they were surprisingly easy to bitch if you could manage it within the chances allowed. Her phone gave him access to all the information he would need about her return trip, including where she’d be staying both nights... Moderately useful... But more important was the reminder to refill gas from 'the gas station with good prices'. He swiftly started fleshing out a perfunctory plan in his mind, waiting until night had fallen to slip out for some light research as well as to collect his break-in kit, the tools from which he could re-use for Debby's downfall - bought or stolen up to 6 months earlier ensured there was slim to nil chance any would be traced back to him.

No one but him, Josh and Debby knew Tyler was living with Josh, no one had any reason to associate him Debby, hell they barely had enough to tie him to Josh save for class but that would be considered grasping at straws as far as reasons for murder went. Or the two trips to Starbucks by which point the CCTV would have been recorded over and witness testimony alone wouldn’t be enough to do anything with him. Not that the authorities would look closely enough at him to dig up anything suspicious, not enough that he wouldn’t be able to lie his way out if push came to shove. The only people that knew him well enough to be suspicious were his parent’s or Josh, and his parents wouldn’t dare risk their image as the perfect middle American family to speak up, and Josh wouldn’t be stupid enough to risk incriminating himself. Knowing full well how many ways he could spin the story to drag Josh down with him or the lengths he’d go to prevent Josh ever being taken from him, Josh wouldn't dare. He wasn’t that brave, or stupid.

Josh would barely even be considered a person of interest let alone a suspect after the police got their routine check out the way, as long as he timed everything correctly which he had little doubt of, upon finding an airtight alibi they'd have no choice but to rule Josh out - never giving Tyler a second thought out of his sea of other students. As long a Josh was seen doing normal things during the day and his phone pinged in all the right places, the police would deduce Josh wouldn't be reasonably able to kidnap or murder Debby in the time left between his final classes Tuesday and his morning classes Wednesday as such his alibi would be solid enough that should the police want to pin the murder on Josh they wouldn't be able to make it stick in court anyhow. 

He wanted to buy himself as much time as he could before the police discovered whatever he left of Debby's body to give it time to rot away as much of the evidence as possible. It was a given that Debby was going to be noted as missing, but that didn't mean he was going to make to the police's investigation easier than he had to. Any answers they did get were going to be hard fought at best, theory based on pure speculation at worst, of that he would make damn sure. Unfortunately, he didn't have all the time in the world to carry out his plan, the more he was seen the hours before and after the time of Debby's suspected disappearance the more it would cause reasonable doubt about his ability to be the culprit if his involvement was somehow called into question.

He checked for small towns and farms in the area adjacent to the gas station Debby was going to stop at using a slightly out of date road atlas he found in the glove box of Josh's car, eventually finding what he was looking for in the form of a small town, more akin to a hamlet of connected farms, with a church on the outskirts. The church was what he was actually after. Given his limited time frame he had to get creative, and he knew from the start he was never going to have the time to dig a grave on the night, nor did he have the time to go pre-dig a grave. Saturday night while out to collect his tools he stopped to check obituaries in the newspapers outside of a convenience store, making sure his face wasn’t in view of any cameras as he flicked through casually. Just because he didn't have time to dig a grave it didn't mean hiding his work had to be difficult, not when he could make use of someone else's fresh grave, the soil only recently having been turned would make it easy to shift, thus allowing him a decently deep hole to hide the corpse, preventing the smell of decay from attracting people while also removing the necessity of leaving the body anywhere wild animals could expose it for discovery. Efficiency at it’s finest.

Monday meant it was time to enact the first stage of the plan. During his free-hour P4 he tracked down Brendon, he wasn’t a close friend but he was chaotic enough himself that when Tyler told him he wanted to fuck off Tuesday then offered him $20 plus his student pass to sign in on his behalf for morning and afternoon attendance he simply shrugged with a ‘sure would’ve of done it for free but the bribes most welcome’ before wandering off toward his usual campus hangout not bothering to ask after Tyler’s plans - as he’d already known Brendon wouldn’t. Brendon had always been a good mix of self absorbed, air-headed, yet surprisingly smart, ergo it was just as likely he didn’t care enough to ask as he it was that he'd simply forgotten... or purposely wanted the ‘plausible deniability’ should anything come back to haunt Tyler. He'd always been suspicious there was more to Tyler than most people cared to notice, regardless Brendon could be trusted not to ask questions and keep his mouth shut if anyone else asked questions, which was all he cared about.

After ensuring he’d be logged for Tuesday attendance, having already signed himself in for that afternoon he exited the school gates, hood up, head down, at the height of the lunch rush, merging with the rest of the student populous eager to hunt out the nearest convenience store or fast-food joint over whatever the cafeteria was trying to pass off as food that afternoon. With no choice but to bike so his face wasn’t recorded on bus CCTV or remembered by a nosy Uber driver he stuck to back routes and every short cut he knew, through parks, across barren brown land and industrial areas nobody went near unless they worked there, heading on the diagonal to Debby’s straight line of highways and main roads. 

He kept his gear and outfit as light as he could despite the wintery weather, fully intending to continue through the night to head Debby off by cycling while she slept, opting to intercept her at the gas station that would be her last stop before final overnight stay of the trip. Important simply because he needed her to be seen checking out Tuesday morning, giving authorities indisputable proof she’d already left town prior to her untimely death as well as giving Josh a full days alibi making it near impossible for him to have made it far enough out of town in one night then back again for Wednesday morning lessons to have committed her disappearance and murder.

He arrived as planned ahead of her, tucking himself into some bushes on the scrub-land behind the gas station to get a nap in before the main event. Upon his phone alarm waking him as planned just as the sun set he felt well rested and intrigued for what was to come. Once he’d made sure his bike was hidden amongst the small copse of trees and bushes scattered about the scrub-land he loitered down the side of the gas station, fairly well hidden but with a good view of the pumps he kept an eye out for Debby’s arrival. The sky darkened overhead and the gas station lights long since flickered on when she eventually pulled in, stopping at the pump closest to the store proper, once she'd filled her vehicle she headed inside to pay at which point he made his move. 

Crouching low as soon as the door jingled he crept a wide arc through the shadows next to the side railing, enabling him to come at the car from the bonnet so as to keep himself out of view of the CCTV cameras. Hugging in close as he headed round the side before pulling the rear driver-side door open only so much as necessary to climb in, just lithe enough to cram himself into the footwell behind the driver's seat without being conspicuous. He donned a red beanie then pulled his hood back up once he was situated, simply wanting his hair better covered more than he cared about Debby knowing who was to be her executioner.

Staying still and silent as she set off again, he refused to let his body move an inch despite tight quarters making his legs and lower back start to ache. He began counting the minutes on a watch he’d borrowed from Josh, endeavouring to time his next move as perfectly as he could manage, the streetlights helping by periodically illuminating the cramped quarters at semi-regular intervals. He needed to pounce shy of the hotel but just before a side road that would take him toward the churchyard he wanted to abandon Debby in after he’d finished. 

When he was sure they were roughly in right place he made his move, swiftly unfolding himself and throwing one hand across Debby's neck, the now favoured filet knife grazing a light reminder to behave into the delicate skin of her throat, his other coming up to curl tightly in the top of her hair; his movements fast enough he felt his blood rush causing a prickling across his own scalp. He lent round the seat nodding at the road when Debby's eyes flickered toward him, when she tried to turn to get a better look at him he tightened the grip of the gloved fingers that were wound tightly in her hair. 

“Tyler,” Debby sighed heavily, the sound not quite a resignation, more an acceptance, resolutely keeping her eyes on the road and the car moving in a straight speed limit adhering line, ”What a surprise,”

“You make it sound like anything but. Which, by the way, is a little disappointing,” He pressed the filet knife tighter against her throat, making his annoyance known. Unexpectedly finding he enjoyed feeling the skin taught then drag against the blade every time she tried swallowing down the thick fearful saliva flooding her mouth or they got jostled by a bump in the poorly maintained road.

“You tried to stab Josh despite deluding yourself into believing you’re in love with him. So you coming after me? No, that’s not a surprise,” She continued on a self depreciating little laugh. It was a pathetic thing and he found he didn’t like the sound coming from a proud woman like he knew Debby to be, “I mean don’t get me wrong, I had hoped the fear of you following me was just me being paranoid, I’m known for being a little imaginative and over the top, I’m a fucking actress after all,”

“Well... Was an actress,” He reminded Debby exactly how he planned for their night to end, revelling in the way she sucked her cheeks in, grimacing from the panicked nausea no doubt flipping her stomach at the fairly blatant admittance of her upcoming murder. 

”Oh fuck, that’s an awful thing to say Tyler,” She choked down a sob, still managing to keep the car straight even as he noticed a slight tremor to her arms, no doubt from the ongoing battle between her adrenaline and fear. He believed that even when the panic won over and the screaming began given the right opportunity Debby would still attempt to claw his eyes out, he wouldn’t be stupid enough to give her such an opening but he did hope she’d keep her nerve anyway, he wanted to be sure she would feel, listen and fear everything that came next.

“Turn here,” He grunted, just as the entrance to the side road appeared from between the crash guards and hedges, without question Debby did as she was told.

“Tyler, you’re smart, I don't know how you know but I bet you do, my fiance expects me to call or text every morning and every night. If I don’t he calls the police on my behalf, they’re going to know I’m gone sooner rather than later,” She tried to reason with him, he ignored the tears beginning to escape her eyes, no doubt against her will if her tense jaw was anything to go by. Flipping her words around in his head he considered how much he was willing to tell her of the events to come.

“Clever as ever Debby. You're right I do know that,” He answered in the same politely conversational tone he always put on for Debby. The sort of voice you used when talking to a neighbour you didn’t really like but enjoyed swapping gossip with because they’re husband, brother, or kid always had way more of a trash fire life than you and yours did,

“I am going to text your finance and let him know everythings fine and normal. Or if you promise to behave you can call him let him know you’re heading to bed as normal and miss him or whatever. Since this will be the last time you speak to him I suggest you take the opportunity,” He continued after getting Debby to pull over, holding her phone out to her then pulling it out of reach when she tried to grab it, wanting her to hear everything he had to say first, “By the time he realises you’re not going to text in the morning you will be dead, the scene will be immaculate, Josh will go to work as normal sealing his alibi in the morning, by the afternoon I'll be back home celebrating my victory. The police will have to find you before they’ll have anywhere near enough evidence to consider indicting anyone for murder. But they won't find you, ever, by the way, unless I want them to... So really right now all you should worry about is saving face, literally and figuratively, to ensure you make this as quick and painless for yourself as possible,” The conviction in his voice doesn’t waver for a second, he’d planned for this, he knew almost blow by blow how the night would go, revelling in the feeling of power he finally had over Debby for the first time since she'd walked uninvited through their front door.

Debby could read it in the grim set of his face, in the quickfire bullet-point of his words, her fear built, no matter how much they'd familiarised themselves with each other over the weekend there would be no appealing to Tyler's humanity. If it even existed. The best outcome was to keep on his good side and hope for as painless an end as possible. Debby felt the resignation creeping in, she hated every inch of it, she wanted to at least keep her wits about her enough to look for an opening to escape, if not to wring Tyler's scrawny neck regardless if it was to be the last thing she ever did.

"'Kay? So, you going to behave or what?” Tyler raised an eyebrow at her genuinely expecting spoken confirmation to his question.

"Yes Tyler," Debby replied stiffly.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes Tyler, I will behave," She grit out between clenched teeth, feeling her dignity along with her braincells die with each word.

"Good girl," Tyler grinned, holding the phone back out to her, when she couldn't hold back her sneer at his mock praise Tyler's mouth formed a hard line, his eyes glacial cold, chucking the phone in her lap he grabbed her jaw in his right hand squeezing tighter until Debby winced in pain.

"Don't fucking test me Debby, I can do what I need to get done without giving you a final phone call with your beloved, and I can make what's to come hurt a helluva' lot more than necessary," He hissed, each word laced with venom, she met his cold stare wide-eyed and regretful clutching the phone between sweaty palms. Debby already knew she wasn't making it through the night alive, she had no choice but to come to terms with that however she couldn't bear the idea of vanishing without her fiance knowing when or how, Tyler was giving her one mercy and Debby knew it was in her fiance's best interest not to squander his gift. He continued to hold her jaw until she gave him a curt nod, holding her gaze a beat longer as he slowly let go one finger at a time, gesturing at the phone for her to make her call.

She knew with little doubt her fiance would answer yet Debby still couldn't stop herself quietly gasping a relieved 'Oh' the second he picked up with his usual excited greeting of 'Heyyy gorgeous!' earning her a scowl from Tyler. In that second the outcome of her night truly hit, a cold sweat breaking out across her body, as the knowledge that she was never going to see him again, never going to live to see their wedding day, never going to wake up to random breakfasts in bed or find rose petals in her bath after a long days work; the million little things he did just to see her smile, the thousands little moments they'd shared she would never get the chance to show her appreciation for or the opportunity to ever make more of dawned on her with a ferocity that left her winded. How many times had he smiled, laughed, told her he loved her, expressed simple happiness for her continued existence in his life and she'd never stopped to just to drink it in, to commit those images to her memory? Debby had never thought to do so, could never have foreseen one day she'd be facing down her death made flesh never mind so early into her life, with a sudden desperation that made her heart feel as though it was being crushed in a vice Debby hoped that the theory that people got to relive their memories when they died was true, that way she would get to see the love of her life just one more time even if it was just her dying minds best projection of him.

Beginning to struggle in her attempts not to let her steadily rising terror leak into each word Debby tried to keep the focus of their conversation on her finance so she didn't have to speak often, more than happy simply to listen intently as she could to each word of their final phone call. To bask in the simple joy and normality that was her finance discussing his day none the wiser to her plight. To take in the way his Midwestern accent shaped certain words and how the throaty huskiness of his mischievous laughter could still make her snicker along with him regardless of Tyler staring her down from the seat opposite, the filet knife in glinting threateningly. Nevertheless she'd always been a chatty person and the longer their call continued the more her sweetheart picked up that Debby was quieter than usual causing him to gently try and steer the conversation back round to her, always so attentive, her heart squeezed painfully when she realised what he was doing so she redoubled her effort to keep her cool. Wanting to listen to only his happiness during their talk, not his worry for her. Upon noticing Tyler check his watch Debby steeled herself for what she knew was coming next, on cue he gave a rolling wave of his hand the gesture signalling for her to wrap up the call. It was now or never.

"Ugh you know what? This is kind of random but I just really crave caramel this evening, I think I’m going to have to make a note to pick some up for the drive tomorrow,” She said with an awkwardly forced laugh, Tyler squinted at Debby distrustful although he couldn’t understand what it was that picked at him so, “Anyway, I’ve still got a good day's drive tomorrow and I want to make sure I get plenty of sleep so I’m going to head to bed. I miss you so much, I’ll always love you, bye,” Once the line went dead Debby burst into tears, racking sobs shaking her tiny frame, both her hands came up to cover her mouth in an attempt to quiet herself, despite her only audience being her soon to be executioner. A man she didn't owe her dignity, poise or much of anything else. 

Tyler rolled his eyes but let her get on with it without comment, silently stripping out of his coat and hoodie leaving him in a plain black tee regardless of the chill temperatures outside the vehicle. Once divested of his garments he turned to reach behind the seat grabbing a black all weather backpack, pulling from it two plastic bags containing the items needed for the night's events before stuffing his coat and hoodie in the pack, re-zipping then chucking it back behind his seat. Exiting the vehicle he made his way to Debby's side, pulling open her door for her, the worst of her crying dying off but still sniffling she climbed out, morbidly curious where they were going next. Tyler grabbed the phone from her, popping out then snapping the sim card after which he dropped the phone to the ground smashing it to pieces beneath his left boot.

“So... I trust I won't end up in a shallow grave in this woods somewhere?” Debby huffed a nervous sound, a poor effort at amusement. Tyler prodded her to walk deep into the wooded area beside the lay-by, at which point she felt a queasy flip in her guts at her attempt at grave humour.

“Ha… Glad you've kept your sense of humour. But no, I don’t care about you enough to spend all night digging you the perfect resting place, we’ll be borrowing one that was pre-prepared for us so I hope you parents taught you how to share,” Tyler grinned at the scrunched up confusion on her face as she tried to read between the lines.

“What? I don’t follow, who would pre-prepare you a grave? Not Josh that’s for sure,” She responded, confused at his meaning but certain not even the manipulative likes of Tyler could convince Josh to help him hide a body - let alone hers. Tyler waited, watching a couple beats longer while she continued turning over his response in her mind, he knew the moment the light bulb illuminated when he witnessed the colour drain from her face.

"Oh God. Oh fuck. You mean an actual fucking grave! You’re going to hide me in someone else fucking grave aren’t you!? Like a graveyard or something?!” Hysteria had well and truly gripped Debby by that point and her knees buckled sending her roughly to the woodland floor. The idea of her never being found, rotting away beneath someone else's name plate caused her dinner alongside sheer terror to claw its way up her oesophagus. Debby narrowly escaped throwing up in the dirt by choking on her tears as she swallowed thickly around the lump in her throat.

“Yup!” Tyler replied joyfully, “Plain sight really is the best hiding place. I keep heading that way-" He stuck his arm out to the left, running parallel to the road they'd been heading down before he'd made her pull into the lay-by, "in a fairly straight direction, so I think I can manage without crashing, and the church is just on the outskirts of some fuck nowhere tiny town,” He laughed, the pride at his own plan evident in the toothy smile on his face. Debby hated how much logic and thought Tyler had put into ensuring she’d vanish. A sudden terrifying thought struck her and she blurted out her question before she could think better of it.

“Holy shit, you really have thought of everything… Have… I can’t believe I’m asking this but I have to know. Have you done this before?” Debby's voice was almost a whisper, fearful of the answer. He jerkily dragged her back to her feet leading her deeper into the privacy between the trees and away from the relative safety of her abandoned car.

“Nah. You get the honour of popping my murder cherry, hopefully I don’t get a taste for it huh? Josh is a little delicate, I think my being a stalker is enough for his polite sensibilities, a serial killer on top might just push him over the edge into full-blown crazytown... Then I’ll never get to pop my real cherry,” He replied in the same gleeful tone. Debby physically lent away to retch again, Tyler's blase, almost amused attitude too much for her as he spoke about Josh willingly taking his virginity regardless of the fact he was about to murder the mans best friend… and ex-girlfriend. A secret she would take to the grave over admitting to Tyler... 

Maybe not Tyler... Whoeverthefuck she was sharing her final hours with. She noted how quickly his face had morphed from casually conversational to flat and emotionless in the time it had taken her to choke on her bile. They both knew she’d stalled for as long as she was going to get, looking up at Tyler from where he’d had her kneel in the middle of two large painters sheets. With her time swiftly running out Debby asked a second question, the one that had been hovering at the back of her mind since her encounter with Tyler over Josh's phone.

"Who are you?" She asked bluntly, taking especially perverse pleasure in the shock that sent Tyler's brows to his hairline, mouth popping open for half a second before he could get his expression back under control.

"What..."

"Well, who the fuck are you? I see no harm in telling me, it wont make any difference after tonight and I know you're not Tyler so don't bullshit me,"

"Why would I bullshit you? I'm not Tyler, I'm BLURRYFΛCE." His stare was almost offended, making it clear how little he wanted to be mistaken for Tyler, had never been pretending to be Tyler. Tonight he was all Blurry, furthermore he wanted Debby to know who was bringing about the end of her life, all he'd done was let his mask of polite society slip enough for her to work out as much by herself.

“Oh gotcha', so you're like the murderer to Tyler's stalker right? Because I'm fairly sure there isn't a sane half of Tyler..." Everything to do with Josh and Tyler was strange, his inherent duality merely topped an already fucked up several tiered cake of crazy. Debby had a follow up question she was fairly sure she already knew the answer to but given that Tyler, Blurry... Whoever... Was more than happy to play honesty hour she decided to capitalise on his truthfulness, "Josh doesn't know does he?"

"Nope. Hasn't worked it out yet. That I'm aware of anyway," Blurryface replied easily, confirming what Debby already knew. Blurry knew Josh was suspicious something wasn't right with them but he was certain he hadn't worked out the full extent of Tyler's 'mood swings'. Having had all her questions answered she knew how close her impending death was but still she didn't want to lay down and wait for it.

"You know he's never going forgive you for this,” The chemical cocktail of panic, fear, adrenaline and all the other things she felt was swiftly giving rise to an indignant fury at what Blurry was about to do. Fury at him denying her ever living to see her wedding day, at never being able to see her friends or family again. Fury especially at not being able to provide Josh a safe-haven for his sanity, as well as a fear that Josh may never be free of Blurry, that with Debby gone his own anxiety may yet resign him to his fate.

“He’s never going to know about this either,” Blurry looked at her as though she was stupid, Debby couldn't help thinking that his reply had earned that look more than she had.

“I go missing, who do you really think his first suspect is going to be?" In spite of his smart planning Debby could see how deep Blurry's delusions about Josh ran. Evident in his faith Josh would never find out about her vanishing or hold at least a slither of suspicion about Tyler's involvement.

“If I get my way you’ll never be found and there will never be enough proof to point to me, he’ll eventually have to let it go, then we can get on with our future together, a future free of your meddling,” Blurry's emotionless tone rubbed Debby the wrong way, despite knowing there was no point arguing with the delusion youth Debby was pissed off. She'd only ever tried to support Josh, then Tyler had turned up every bit a demon in the flesh, messing around with Josh's head more than his own fears did.

“Don’t be so fucking delusional, no proof? I’ll have vanished. That’s proof enough. No one else wants me gone, except you, that knowledge will eat at him like slow acting poison, turning him against you more so than you already did when you went for him with a fucking knife, you jealous bratty insane little bastard! God... No wonder your family doesn’t miss you, they're probably relieved you’re gone,” Her final confessional. As far as final words went Debby thought she did pretty well. Letting out an involuntary hysteria tinged laugh even as Blurryface growled in fury, commencing her attack by cunt punting her with a steel toed boot.

She shrieked in pain, a deep agony thrumming up through her lower abdomen causing her stomach to somersault as curled in on her side, her hands going between her legs out of instinct. Blurryface kicked her again this time aiming for her sternum, she felt more than heard the crunch, causing her to roll onto her stomach in a vain attempt to protect her most important organs. At which point Debby managed to get her knees underneath her enough to try to crawl away from the vicious ongoing attack.

The next kick was much less of a surprise when it came, hitting her square along the left side of her rib cage. The steel toe of the boot along with Blurry’s rage made easy work of the fragile bones found there. Snap. Crack. Crunch. Debby screamed. Blurryface’s harsh breath like static, a noise of background radiation in her ears amidst the relative quiet of the small woodland clearing and the echoes of her own pain rushing in her ears. Between the agony occupying her mind Debby awaited the next kick but the sudden onslaught stopped as quickly as it started, allowing her enough time... Hope... To try again to crawl out of range, the bright spark of life inside her refused to let Debby lay down and give up. 

Prepared for another kick she wasn't expecting the swift snick of the filet knife taking out the tendon in the back of her knee, nor severing the right one in just as swift succession. Confusing her for half a second, the swift sharpness of the knife there and gone before the pain arrived. Feeling something akin to a lightning strike when the pain did flare up half a breath later, raging through the backs of her knees, up her thighs and down her calves. Hitting hard and sudden enough to chase the air from her lungs, Debby barely managed a rasp let alone a scream. Not giving her a chance to find oxygen, Blurry moved on to take out the Achilles tendon in each of her ankles. 

With Debby immobilised Blurry began his attack in earnest, a brutal, messy, bloody affair, making use of the crowbar, corkscrew and claw-head hammer he'd brought from his break-in kit. Letting out all the built up rage he’d harboured from the time spent watching Debby and Josh over the weekend Blurry felt feral, drunk on his need to punish Debby for imagined slights. Seething with jealousy that he couldn’t bring out such expressions of joy or ease in Josh as those he'd seen him express around her. Hating Debby that little bit extra for his misbelief that she'd never noticed the extent of Josh’s love for her, for letting Josh move so far out of reach. Blurry wouldn’t have. Blurry would follow Josh to the ends of the earth, cross the river Styx, willingly throw himself into the Tartarus pit, anything Josh needed of him. Out of the pair of them Debby least deserved Josh, least deserved the beauty of his happiest moments and Blurry was going to make sure she knew it, apologised for it, repented it.

When he'd enacted all the judgement he could stand on Debby's body Blurry took out a length of coated gardener's wire - the green variety that even the most casual garden owners kept in their sheds. He'd twisted two lengths of it together forming a makeshift ligature which he wrapped tightly around her neck, knees either side of her dislocated shoulders he pulled the wire taught finally gifting her mercy. Not intending anyone to find her body for some time the decomposition process would hide the ligature marks, following which the authorities would have a harder time establishing a cause of death, making their investigation twice as hard without a murder weapon to begin searching for. 

After the last dregs of life had been driven from her body Blurry put extra effort into ensuring Debby’s face had been rendered suitably unrecognisable, appearing more akin to a bowl of pomegranate seeds that someone had let a child mush between their fingers than a human woman. An act done out of spite more than any care for her being unidentifiable, although the leftovers of her jaw and teeth certainly wouldn't be much use in matching her dentals. 

Feeling emotionally wrung out Blurry finally stood with a stretch, stripping off his heavily soiled tee as he did so, disliking the way the gore made the damp fabric stick to his skin. Setting to work clearing the scene he gathered the tools he’d used to take Debby apart into a black plastic bag, putting that bag back into his backpack which had been left by the car before returning to the carcass. He rolled her up in the dust sheets, cursing her dead weight the whole journey back to the car at which point he shoved her in the trunk. After scattering the crushed pieces of her phone in the nearby hedges he collapsed into the driver's seat re-donning his hoodie and coat before setting off for the graveyard. 

Once he’d arrived at the graveyard he did a slow lap of the grounds in search of a maintenance shed, finding it he took his lockpicks from the front pocket of his backpack and cracked open the padlock. Shovel procured, he scoped out the fresh grave mentioned in the obituaries, once discovered he retrieved Debby's corpse then set to work burying her as shallowly as he dared.

Blurryface placed his hand over the freshly laid dirt covering Debby Ryan’s final resting place, in spite of the nameplate reading Novi Vasiliev, as there was no one else to bare witness he paused for a moment formally recognising the passing of her life, breathing a wordless apology as he did so. His soundless exhale misted in the air above the grave, the nights climate stiff and frigid as the corpse was surely becoming in her earthen tomb beneath him, as the moment passed Blurry took a deep lungful of air and hauled his protesting limbs back upright, his spine, hips and shoulders letting out a crackly furore despite his young age. Back on his feet he rubbed his freezing hands together, prickling with cold despite the black leather gloves and all weather coat he wore, the sweat of his nights labour having already cooled under his layers, sticking his clothes to his skin and chilling him further. Blurry stopped to wash off the shovel at an outdoor tap he'd spotted on his first circuit around the graveyard, with shovel returned and padlock secure he started on the return journey to collect his bike.

Returning up the road that had led to the churchyard Blurry noticed a farmers field without a secured gate, deciding to make use of the empty field beyond to abandon the car he stuck close to the hedges to prevent tire tracks as he crawled the car to the bottom edge of the field, tucking it in tight to the border to keep it out of sight as much as possible. With that final job taken care of it was time to make his way back to home, back to Josh, his body crying out for a proper nights rest in his warm bed and the knowledge Josh was - already his, sleeping in the next room over. Grabbing his bike he set off for home only stopping once on the way to burn the soiled tee and his jeans, after changing into a pair of fleece lined joggers for better protection against the freezing dawn he spread the ashy remnants of anything that had been too large to blend into the foliage in a pipe outlet on his way back through the industrial zone.

The day had eaten much of Wednesday morning by the time he arrived at his parents home. Choosing to do so simply because it was on route to school from the direction he'd returned to town via. Blurry elected to hide his bike behind the shed at the back of the house to be dealt with later, once the bike was stashed he headed indoors for a shower to warm up and sooth his aching muscles as well as remove any lingering dirt or trace evidence on his face or under his fingernails. Knowing he would need to wash the clothes he hadn't burned he left them in a plastic bag inside his backpack, instead rifling through his old room for change into. Deeming himself sufficiently clean he left the house, chewing on a slice of buttered toast as he made his way to school on foot in time for afternoon lessons. 

Upon hunting Brendon down during lunch hour to retrieve his student pass the lanky teenager shot him finger guns with a ‘I don’t want to know man’ before sauntering off. Following the exchange he signed himself in for Wednesday morning before attending the rest of the day’s lessons, his excitement at seeing Josh again building with each passing hour. At 3 he made his way to Josh’s classroom with a tale-tell sleepiness and fuzzy head creeping around the back of his skull Blurry hoped to get through whatever enquiries Josh had in store for him as quickly and painlessly as possible.

“Tyler!? Where did you vanish to yesterday?” Josh said in lieu of greeting him, warmth spread through Blurry from the tips of his toes to the crown of his head upon seeing Josh again for the first time in over 24 hours. Uncaring for the incorrect name he found himself unable to keep a grin from spreading across his characteristically blank face. In his haste to respond Blurry almost forgot his cover story, nearly telling him the truth of where he'd been he scrambled to re-orientate his mouth before he let excitable honesty get the better of him.

“Oh I stopped by my parents, let Mom know I was alive, safe, still going to school, also grabbed a change of clothes, that kind of thing,” In his experience Blurry found the best lies were those sandwiched between truths, he tugged at the corners of the blue patterned tee he was wearing, highlighting his outfit wasn’t one of the limited number he’d been wearing on repeat at Josh’s. Nodding while his eyes scanned Tyler’s unfamiliar clothes Josh accepted the answer as truth, before he could reply however, hopeful to find out if Tyler would be moving back to his parents anytime soon, Tyler interrupted.

“Hey Josh, could we go home, I’m not feeling so hot, if you get what I mean,” To his surprise Josh dropped whatever he was going to say immediately, efficiently closing down his computer and gathering up his things before he let Tyler lead him out the door with nothing more than an amiable ‘sure let's go’ said between them. The concern etched into his frown had Blurry’s heart skipping, almost bursting with all the victory he’d achieved in a few short days, it had been rough going prior to Debby’s arrival but he’d been patient, biding his time while he waited for an opening to enact some measure of change to their status quo. Following which he'd managed to cause greater change to their course than even he'd realised he could be capable of; he finally felt that the dark clouds were beginning to clear, hastening in a new dawn.

Blurryface smiled a small grim self satisfied smile as he wrapped himself up tight in Josh’s jacket, inhaling deeply as he laid out flat across the back seat, uncaring for the throb starting up in his temples as the fog rolled in, attempting to come claim his memory. Nothing could take what he’d achieved away from him, not the fog of his own mental fractures, not Tyler taking his agency, nothing.

His celebration would have to wait until his strength returned but he would have his cake and eat it too.

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love writing Blurry more than anyone. there is still worse to come, Tyler's turn to get a little crazy so the creep factor will be dialled up to 12. for the love of all that is unholy pls heed the TW at the start of the next chapter.
> 
> tried to make it clear when im referring to his own thought processes or experiences i call him Blurryface but when someone is viewing him / hearing him / talking about him etc i still refer to him as Tyler until such a time as they are made aware of whom they're interacting with. 
> 
> sick, see ya next time homeslices. remember every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription fuels my caffeine induced writing haze. - Novi / @novioktober on Tumblr


	9. Intermission: mon amour je suis ton bébé, tranche moi ouvert, maintenant regarde moi fleurir pour toi.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oøo First times usually suck (at least a little). But not like this. oøo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***TW: RAPE - don't like don't read. i'm posting this scene as a standalone chapter so you can skip it if this isn't something you're comfortable reading***

The time was somewhere close to 3AM on a star speckled Thursday morning, Tyler woke early having slept through most of Wednesday afternoon due to Blurryface using their dissociative episode as an excuse to sleep off his achy muscles. Reasonably Tyler knew he should have still been tired, his body sore, heartsoulmorals weighed down by the depth of his sins, that would have been the logical reaction to their week thus far. Yet he didn’t feel any such things. Tyler knew Debby was trouble. Knew Blurry’s role was to protect them - whatever the cost. He couldn’t stay mad at Blurry for doing what he was built for. Despite the incredible violence and crude nature of his retaliation. 

Getting out of bed Tyler headed for the bathroom to clean his teeth, opting to shower in an effort to remove the lingering foggy headedness. Upon leaving the bathroom he forewent returning to his room in favour of entering the door opposite - quietly stealing into Josh’s bedroom. Blurryface had been eager for celebrations prior to their switch and his good mood had carried over to Tyler. Wanting to celebrate too, for himself as much as Blurry, Tyler could think of only one thing that could top the high Blurryface had given them the night prior. 

Seeing a boxer clad Tyler Joseph at the end of their bed at 3AM was enough to make anyone choke on their air. Josh included. He hastily scrabbled backwards until his back was flush with the headboard, pulling the sheets along with him. Sensing something on the air, a cloying anticipation making the oxygen in the room dense, Josh subconsciously took several deep lungfuls of breath. Coming to conclude that _heaviness_ , that knowing, that gut deep sense of danger, was what had pulled him from his sleep. Feeling defenceless and bared in spite of Tyler’s similar state of undress he stared down the youth at the end of his bed wide-eyed, akin to a deer caught in headlights meeting its impending doom head on.

“The fuck are you doing Tyler?” Josh managed to cough out around his startled breathing, remnants of sleep lending his voice a gravelly rasp. Tyler didn't immediately respond, just hesitantly stepped, a slow side to side sway, round to the unoccupied side of the bed, rubbing his forearms as he did so. Psyching himself up more than calming himself down. The meagre light filtering in through the ajar curtains left him in pale angular relief against the darkened backdrop of Josh’s bedroom appearing as the ethereal phantasmic companion to his daytime sun-dappled counterpart.

“I know I’ve been.. Difficult to live with, I’m sorry for that,” He said eventually by way of reply, his voice was nasally velvet, quiet, something between a mumble and a whisper. Josh felt the race of his heart calm slightly, this version of Tyler he could handle at such a godless hour in the morning. An image conjured unbidden by his anxiety surfaced at the forefront of his mind of the alternative: a dead-eyed Tyler hovering over him, cold, emotionless, and ready to punish him for Debby’s visit. Josh quickly repressed the horrific visage back into the shadows from whence it came. Yes, he _much_ preferred sunshine Tyler. 

Or he did, up until Tyler completed his circuit round the bed, following which he brought his left knee up intending to seat himself opposite Josh.

“Oh, uh, okay Tyler, that’s.. Don’t worry about it, ah um.. Apology accepted but please don’t get into bed with me, okay?” Hardly able to believe what was really happening, his stomach tied itself in knots as an anxious perspiration began to collect on his palms where they were still bunched in the bedding keeping him covered. Tyler ignored him, sliding into a kneeling position on the empty side of the bed, in response Josh shuffled toward the edge further away from him, feeling the nervous race of goosebumps along his arms. With a sinking feeling in his gut Josh knew the night wasn’t going to end well.

“I knew you’d forgive me, no one understands me like you,“ Tyler responds in the same caressing whisper. An attempt at soothing the spooked animal in front of him or sharing midnight secrets with a lover? He shifted ever so slightly closer to Josh, settling a palm flat on the covers at Josh’s waist with the other pressed flat against his own rib cage subconsciously worrying a circular motion on the left side - a self-soothing or thoughtful gesture while he considered how to make his next move.

“Whatever you’re thinking Tyler, don’t do it. I forgive you now please just-” Josh tried shuffling further away again without realising he’d already reached the end of the headboard, subsequently pitching too far and almost falling out of bed entirely. He swung his right arm out to re-balance while his left hand grabbed a fistful of the sheets to anchor himself in place, the action distracted him enough for Tyler to seize the moment and strike.

In an instant he had Josh pinned by the shoulders pushing his weight into his palms in an effort to keep Josh still. Swinging his left leg over to straddle the thrashing man's hips he slipped a leg under each of Josh’s knees trapping them between his own calf and thigh in an effort to immobilise further. Gently drawing his weight off Josh’s shoulders he shifted back onto his haunches ever so slightly, freeing up his hands to grab Josh’s wrists which he pressed firmly into the pillow either side of the resistant man’s head. With Josh spread eagle beneath him Tyler was satisfied he wouldn’t be able to move anytime soon so he lent forward to press their foreheads together. They barely brushed brows for half a second before he was forced to rear back to avoid Josh’s weak attempt to headbutt him, the pillow beneath him not allowing the space needed to put much momentum into the action. 

Keeping his eyes on Josh, their gazes locked, Josh’s panic to Tyler’s excitement, he untangled his right leg, molasses slow. Using the freed leg Tyler kicks the covers back to Josh’s ankles before resettling on him, crotch to crotch, only separated by the thin fabric of their boxers. He allowed himself a moment to close his eyes and just _feel_ , he’d been so patient, and now the moment had arrived Tyler wanted to make sure he didn’t take a single second of it for granted.

“I’ve been dreaming about this moment for so long, you have no idea how many times I’ve imagined it during all the lonely nights in my own bed,” Tyler groaned shifting and re-shifting minutely rubbing up against Josh, setting off a low heat in his guts. When Josh didn’t respond and the slight friction stopped being enough Tyler pulled Josh’s wrists above his head so he could pin them single-handedly, using his freed left hand to reach for the top draw of the bedside table, after rooting about blindly for a moment he produced lube and a box of condoms, chucking them on the bed next to him before closing the draw.

“Told you I've been planning this a while,” He couldn’t help the fond amusement colouring his words at Josh’s surprised confusion, eyes narrowing with confusion. With 2 out of the 3 items he needed now on the bed Tyler reached back for the third, producing the filet knife from his waistband where he’d been keeping it out of Josh’s line of sight. After showing Josh the knife, the very same responsible for the thin scar on his cheek, he let go of his wrists hoping he’d remain still. 

Within a fraction of a second of Tyler’s grip relaxing Josh attempted to lunge; ignoring his fear paling in comparison to what he knew Tyler had planned, however Tyler was neither stupid nor slow enough not to have foreseen such a response as such there was a palm pushing Josh back down while the point of the razor sharp blade dug threateningly into the side of his throat - a warning without breaking the skin. Josh was smart enough to go limp in response to the knife at his throat, fully aware of Tyler’s willingness to use it, keeping his hands above his head in unspoken promise to behave. Although he did let out a litany of begging and pleading as he remained prone, appealing for Tyler to leave or at the very least re-think his plan and lay down next to him so they could both go back to sleep. Tyler shushed his pleading, moving his hand from Josh’s chest to cup his jaw, swiping a thumb adoringly along his cheekbone as he did so.

“This isn’t going to be a fight Josh. I know you think the kiss was a mistake, that us being together is a mistake but you’re wrong, let me show you. Our first time together can be perfect, like our first kiss was,” He whispered hurriedly, frenetic energy pulling him taught as a bowstring while he leaned in to kiss Josh, the final five words spoken as a feather-light touch of their lips. Tyler felt Josh panting his panic against his mouth, lips parted enough for Tyler to catch him in an open mouthed kiss, mouth moving rhythmically against Josh’s even as he went ridged with fear. Tyler kept it light and gentle, trying to ease Josh into acceptance in spite of his right hand smoothing south down Josh’s abs, which responded to his touch by tensing immediately. 

Hooking his thumb and index finger into the waistbands of their underwear Tyler eased them down in one smooth motion, only then did he break the one-sided kiss so he could sit up and further push their boxers off their ankles and out of the way entirely. Tyler licked his palm before taking them both in hand, jacking them fully hard in slow smooth motions. Their smeared precum creating a wet slick glide that made every sensation feel that much better. ****

When his body responded naturally to Tyler’s attention, humiliation collected in a veil of moisture across Josh’s vision, wincing when a noise somewhere between a whimper and a high pitched whine escaped his throat. He threw one of his arms across his eyes unwilling to witness the debasement any further, winding the other into his hair to distract himself by digging his short nails into his scalp until it prickled with pain. Tyler initially startled at the sudden display, mistaking Josh’s response as enjoyment caused him to smile wide.

“Feels good huh? I’ve had plenty of time to practice. I promise I’ll make this perfect for both of us,” he assured diligently, breath heavy from his own excitement.

Once Tyler felt they were both ready, he uncapped the lube then poured a generous amount over his fingers before stretching himself through 1, 2, 3, fingers with practised ease. Unable to look away from Josh hard, blushed and bared before him Tyler’s patience was running thin so he deemed himself adequately prepared and reached for a condom which he swiftly rolled onto Josh. Holding him steady Tyler gently began to sink down, slowly lowering himself inch by inch, forcing himself to hold still for a couple of heartbeats when necessary, as much as to ensure Josh wouldn’t become overwhelmed too soon as to allow himself time to grow accustomed to the new sensations - not quite prepared for how different the stretch would feel compared to his own fingers. 

Sex was, well... Sex was painful. The first time anyway. And especially when the more experienced participant wasn’t willing to help. Josh’s tears would annoy him but they’re catching the light cast by the moon beyond the window, making them glint like little diamonds, the tracks appearing as rivers of pure moonlight. If anything they just added to Josh’s beauty. Although his chest was rising and falling rapidly the rest of Josh was frozen like a little rabbit cornered by a starving fox, Tyler assumed this meant he was enjoying himself at least a little - even if he refused to admit to it every time Tyler asked. His heart wouldn’t be racing nor would he be sweating like he’d run a marathon if he wasn’t enjoying himself in some part. 

Tyler sank lower when the worst of the ache subsided, no longer feeling quite so much like he was splitting in two, finding the stretch needed to take Josh very different to his own fingers but every bit as enjoyable and then some. Josh still hadn’t made a sound. His silence was beginning to get on Tyler’s nerves. Having his enjoyment dampened somewhat he considered just jabbing Josh’s side, knowing it was a sensitive spot for him, just to see if he could get a rise. However it turned out he didn’t need to, when Tyler sank lower still, fully burying Josh up to the hilt inside him, pressed hips to hips Josh finally broke his silence when Tyler rolled his experimentally, a long guttural groan in the back of his throat.

At the sound being wrenched from his throat Josh immediately scrunched his eyes shut, tight. At this Tyler did jab him hard just above his right hip, having long since abandoned the knife somewhere near his foot with a shocked grunt Josh’s eyes snapped back open, red rimmed and bloodshot he finally made eye contact. Tyler thought he was gorgeous, he looked wrecked already; hair a mess, cheeks pink and shiny with tears, breathing rough and broken. He found the image only spurred him on, picking up the pace of his undulating hips, rising and falling in a smooth unbroken rhythm.

“Keep them open. Wanna' see you seeing me. Seeing us. Together. Just like I promised we would be,” Tyler’s words stop, start, between quick breaths, he’s surprised at how airy, euphoric, his own voice sounded, wondered if Josh heard it too because he kept his eyes on Tyler after that.

“I told you I’d ride you one day, didn’t I? Remember? That was the letter I sent with the picture of you sleeping, bet it’s better having me for real-” He gasped cutting himself off, heat sparking out across his hips, chasing the feeling his pace quickened, “-that was one of my favourite letters, know you kept it,” He continued, tipping his head back he held a death-grip around Josh's forearms to help maintain his balance; there would surely be fingerprint bruises later. Josh’s arms had been pinned along his thighs, hands loosely encircling Tyler’s hips, not gripping or holding just lying there because that’s where Tyler wanted them. 

With the pain from his inadequate preparation a long forgotten memory Tyler turned his attention to chasing Josh’s orgasm. Finding himself overcome with a strong curiosity to know if he would feel the throb inside him when Josh hit his peak, and looking forward to witnessing the beauty of ecstasy play out across his handsome features. Tyler changed up his pace for harder, deeper but slower strokes over his previously excited rhythm, revelling in each tightening of Josh's grip or sound wrenched from his throat as each slip let him know what he was doing right. No longer caring if Josh kept his eyes open while unable to do so himself against the mounting waves of pleasure overwhelming his senses - a slowly building tightness coiling low in his guts. Tyler didn't try to restrain his own mewls and whimpers or praises and adoration's for Josh as he continued to pull them both closer to the edge.

Tyler leaned in to lick a damp stripe up Josh’s hammering pulse, delighting in the throb of the vein beneath his tongue before he bit down gently, again laving his tongue along the skin held delicately between his front teeth at which point he sucked a bruise into the over-sensitised area. That was enough to un-do Josh, one of his hands flying up to grip bruisingly at the back of Tyler’s neck holding him still as he spilled inside of him, in his surprise Tyler bit down harder as he tightened his thighs around Josh's to keep his balance drawing a noise from Josh that sounded as though it had been punched out of him, primal and deep within his chest. Feeling it reverberate through his own, shaking his bones apart from the inside out, Tyler followed him over, coming on a yelp of Josh’s name, surprised in spite of the tale-tale tensing in his lower spine.

Collapsed onto Josh Tyler laid quietly enjoying the synced hammering of their hearts as well as Josh’s palm loosening around his neck to rest heavy between his shoulder blades, fingers subconsciously dancing an erratic twitch where he’d forgotten himself in his post-orgasm fugue. Not yet returned to his senses enough to notice the slip-up, but sure to overthink and regret so later. Unwilling to disturb the blissful quiet and without anything to say that he felt would match the sublimity of what they’d shared Tyler remained silent, laying still until shared sweat began to cool on their skin at which point he gently started to shift. Keeping his movement deliberately measured and soft to ensure Josh wouldn't spook. 

Perversely enjoying the feeling of them unsticking as he sat up, where his fluids and their sweat had smeared between them, Tyler reached for his own boxers using the unlucky article to clean them both. After which he tied off the condom and wrapped it in the soiled undergarment before throwing the bundle to the floor along with the lube and condoms. Lastly he tucked the knife away from Josh under his own pillow, hoping it would deter him from doing anything regrettable while Tyler slept. 

Satisfied with the cleanup operation he tucked them both under the covers, taking Josh’s left hand in his right as he curled up on his side, drifting off exultantly, sickeningly happy for the first time in his short life even as Josh continued to lay awake staring at the ceiling. Wishing he wasn’t so weak, wishing he could prevent the tears escaping his eyes, silently continuing to cry long after Tyler’s breathing evened out as a peaceful sleep claimed him.

The time was somewhere close to 6AM and Josh found himself shaking and trying to keep his sobs quiet and holding the filet knife inches from Tyler’s throat and wishing he possessed half the guts or moral corruption Tyler did so he could sink the blade into the delicate flesh hiding his somnolently pulsing jugular. 

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title was inspired but the line 'Tu as tué mon bébé' from the song 'ouch' by Bring Me The Horizon, i took French for seven years but honestly google probably still writes it more naturally than me so if you're French please feel free to correct me in the comments
> 
> remember every comment, kudos, bookmark and subscription fuels my caffeine induced writing haze. - Novi / @novioktober on Tumblr


	10. Act VIII: Fallout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not happy with this chapter. I originally lost the entire thing when my laptop crashed in the middle of a meeting; definitely one of the worst days of this year so far (not just because of that, definitely played a part though). I was lucky I got the first part back because I’d already posted it but I had to rewrite the rest. I think what I had before was better tbh, but here’s hoping you won't hate this vers :(

The bright glory of a new day drifted by insultingly outside the gently shifting curtains, the breeze promising a crisp, cool but sunny morning. The prospect of the world continuing on oblivious to the hell inside his bedroom served to further darken Josh’s mood. When he’d cried all he could and exhaustion had forced him flat on his back, desperate to pull him into unconsciousness for the little time he had left before everyday life dragged him back to the classroom, Tyler’s arms had been waiting, even asleep he searched out Josh to wrap in a suffocating embrace. Every time he’d shifted Tyler’s arms tightened around him, his nose nuzzling into the back of Josh’s shoulder, lips satin soft on the back of his neck. Gently brushing the lingering wetness from the edge of his jaw he’d sighed ‘it was beautiful for me too’ almost causing Josh to begin sobbing all over again, barely managing to suffocate the sounds. He’d swallowed noisily several times in an effort to push the emotions back down his throat, fearful to draw Tyler’s attention further. Unable to handle the idea of Tyler handling him softly, as though Josh were the fragile one of the pair.

He’d cried for all he was worth a second time that morning crammed as small as possible in the corner of the shower, following his restless night much similar, yet by the time he’d made it to work Josh found himself numb, unable to bring himself to care about the dehydration headache that had thumped a staccato beat across his cranium from 5:30AM onwards. Finding himself a shade who drifted through lessons on autopilot, Josh felt as though he was watching someone else wearing his skin, walking his walk, speaking with the voice he once had. Every light, sound and colour had been turned down, desaturated from the usual vibrancy he found in the everyday world around him, as he continued to coast through his daily motions he noted how muffled everything had become; colour felt colder, sound was garbled akin to hearing through water, touching things felt muted despite him not wearing gloves and what little food he consumed tasted of ash. 

Furthermore he hurt in strange places, not in the way Tyler probably ached that morning nor including the fingerprint bruises adorning his own skin or red raised bite on his neck, but in other ways, on the inside. For starters, no matter how numb he felt to the act committed against his body, to the flashbacks now imprinted on his retina; images he couldn’t bring himself to respond to more than a despondent slow blink, he still couldn’t chase away a creeping sense of humiliation that grew as the day wore on. Causing him to become skittish when people spoke to him, worried that someone would uncover what had happened to him. With that came the lingering embarrassment that he’d frozen in panic, that he hadn’t fought harder, the knife be damned. All of which left Josh paranoid he’d be judged by these omniscient peers for being taken advantage of by someone 7 years his junior. 

By the end of the day exhaustion bore down on him with the power of semi-truck, feeling torn in two by his conflicting numbness and steadily building anxiety that someone would expose his secret, Josh wanted nothing more than to escape for home as soon as the clock chimed 3, then climb into bed and block out the world forever more. Or at the very least until he felt normal again, however his hope of that ever happening was beginning to sputter and dim. 

Josh needed Debby urgently, ever his rock when his own mental tide threatened to drown him, he’d tried to call her several times throughout the day; during his first break, free period and lunch hour, sending her several texts each sounding more panicked than the last. Her lack of response had him in two minds, although he knew she had a job, a fiance, a life of her own, he couldn’t quell the foreboding shadow steadily creeping up on him, bringing with it doubts that Debby’d made it home safely. He hoped above everything he was wrong, a paranoid thought brought on by what he’d been through in the prior 12 hours but even so he kept the fine details of his ordeal out of his voicemails and texts choosing to play it safe and ask her just to check in and let him know she made it home safe to settle his anxieties. 

Following his arrival home Josh still hadn’t heard back from Debby so he made a pact with himself that if she didn’t call on Friday he would request a welfare check come Saturday. At a loss for what to do with the rest of his Thursday Josh sluggishly made his way up the stairs, footfalls heavy on the cream carpet, once ensconced in his room he made a point of flicking the rarely used lock on the door handle. After which he changed the linens unable to bear the idea of sleeping under the tainted bedding from the night prior. Once he was led quietly feeling safer for the dark pocket of space he’d cultivated by pulling the bed linens over his head, trapping the real world outside beyond his locked door, Josh still couldn’t bring himself to sleep, terrified at the prospect of his dreams being plagued by reenactments of his assault. So he laid still in fetal position, eyes closed, letting his thoughts wander; every time they led him down a path of guilt and shame, his anxieties cruel attempt at blaming him for all the ways he’d failed to prevent his attack, Josh distracted himself using the same breathing exercises he’d once scoffed at during old therapy sessions.

Eventually unable to cling to consciousness any longer, body and mind wrung out from the combined toll of his assault and lack of sleep the night before - not to mention having forced himself through a full day's work, Josh fell into a black void of unconsciousness. Neither nightmares nor pleasant dreams occupying the overwhelmed matter of his mind. He was jerked into consciousness suddenly, a little after 7:15PM, by the rattling of the door handle. Heart threatening to hammer out of his chest Josh was upright, body primed to bolt at the first sign of intrusion before his eyes had fully opened. Seconds later the handle stilled again and a quiet shuffling drifted down the hall at which point his phone lit up, alerting Josh to 1 new text. Upon picking up his phone a different worry resurfaced when he noticed he still hadn’t heard back from Debby, reaffirming his promise to give Debby until Friday to check in he clicked open the new message from Tyler:

‘R u sick? Food outside door xx’

Anger burst red and prickly across the back of Josh’s eyes, dampening his anxiety but leaving a lingering incredulity at Tyler’s obtuse display of care. How wilfully ignorant he had to have been not to see Josh’s behaviour for what it was: a trauma response. They’d barely exchanged more than two words during the journey home, Josh quiet in the driver's seat while Tyler had chatted about his day, mood buoyant and cheerful. Adding the absolute minimum to the conversation but too fearful and exhausted in equal measure to snap back or tell Tyler to shut up Josh had just let him talk, waiting until they’d arrived home to abandon Tyler in the entrance way as soon as the front door clicked shut behind them. 

Although he knew Tyler was mentally ill, his view of the world at odds with everyone else, especially where their ‘relationship’ was concerned, Josh hadn’t realised how deep his false narrative ran until he’d found himself in his darkened bedroom reading and re-reading Tyler’s text, the pent-up frustration creating a tremor in his hands. Was it an honest if delusional enquiring? Or a master manipulator wearing the skin of a lamb? Tyler wasn’t stupid but he was sick. The last thing he wanted to do was see, speak or in any way interact one on one with him, yet a part of Josh desperately wanted to know if Tyler truly didn’t recognise the magnitude of his actions or if he was simply manipulating Josh. 

Josh didn't eat, run, or get any work done for the rest of Thursday night, unable to do more than just lay quietly in his darkened bedroom, silent tears the only tell of the battle warring in his mind. He fought his feelings of helplessness, his panic whenever he remembered he was led in the same bed, his desolations and frustrations whenever his mind wandered to Tyler. His personal monster with the face of a bashful youth.

Eventually bone weary and mentally exhausted he managed to drop in and out of restless sleep until his alarm went off, signalling it was time to leave his plush tomb and start the day over again. Stuck in his own twisted version of groundhog day Josh drifted through his lessons with the same detachment as Thursday, doing his best to avoid anything resembling personal conversation or lingering eye contact. Foolish and unnecessary Josh knew but paranoia had long since taken root in the back of his mind, his assault only lending his old demon new strength. Numb and uninterested in life for the second day in a row teachers and students alike were beginning to notice something was off with Josh, with many making a point of asking him if he was okay. 

No he wasn’t okay. He wasn’t sure if he was ever going to feel okay again. But he couldn’t tell them that. So he gritted his teeth in a painful approximation of a smile, screaming on the inside even as he nodded and uttered a polite ‘yes, I’m fine, just a bit tired’.

A Science faculty meeting kept him late after school, at its conclusion he made his way to his car only to find Tyler loitering, dashing Josh’s hopes he’d headed home without him. He perked up and waved upon noticing Josh making his way across the parking lot, when Josh didn’t smile in return Tyler’s face fell, a perplexed crease creeping between his eyebrows. The look was beginning to spend more time on his face since his text had gone unanswered the night before. Their shared drive home was palpably more tense than Thursdays, Tyler attempted to keep up an attitude suggesting he was exuberantly unaffected by Josh’s obvious brush-offs and refusal to be engaged in conversation. Although the questions lining his throat between each careless sentence about their weekend plans were glaringly obvious in spite of him never vocalising them. Josh, resigned and jaded, considered what was holding Tyler back from just demanding his answers - unwilling and uninterested in asking he decided to let time reveal Tyler’s motives. 

A spiteful little darkness inside Josh, that steadily growing resentful creature he did his best ignore, hoped Tyler didn’t leave it too long to lose his patience with Josh’s reticence to engage because Josh wasn’t going to hold back when Tyler finally confronted him. Given he had nothing left to lose. 

Josh chose the muted isolation of his room for the second time in as many days, however he kept his phone close by, distracted from his guilt ridden thoughts by fresh anxiety over Debby’s safety as he waited patiently for her call. As an hour came and went without Debby making contact Josh felt a cold chill begin at the soles of his feet, crawling its way up his body when the hours started to multiply, his heart slowly splintering into pieces once the icy chill draped itself across his chest. An empty vessel he led with his desolation staring at the ceiling while the last of his spirit shattered, deep inside he knew something was very wrong, too hollow to conjure anymore tears a single whimper escaped him. 

Fearful for what news Saturday would bring he lay awake, eyes unfocused, breathing unevenly as his heart thudded a rabbits rhythm long into the night.

  
  


**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Novi // @novioktober on Tumblr


	11. Act IX: Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes i separated out the chapters again, refresh the page a couple times the new chapter will be up straight after

Awaking Saturday with his mouth drier than any Earthly desert and his stomach howling like a banshee, making known it’s distaste at his going to bed without dinner for the second night in a row, Josh took a startled moment to work out what had so roughly yanked him to wakefulness. Pausing, partially lent up against the headboard he listened quietly while his brain came back online, at which point a hammering on the front door solved his mystery. Content to ignore his unexpected visitors Josh slid back down to his pillow, closing his eyes as he curled up on his side and willed his rattled nerves to calm. He left answering the door to Tyler if he cared enough to investigate, attempting instead to fall back into the blissfully empty void he’d been dragged from. 

Refusing to be ignored a further two rounds of urgent hammering finally pulled Josh from his bed, throwing a hoodie and sweatpants on he headed for the door. The clock read 11:40 as Josh passed by - he’d slept longer than he’d intended. He’d expected to feel better after such a longer sleep yet, if anything he was feeling worse, light-headed as he was from lack of food as well as mentally wrung out from the tumult of his emotions and bodily trauma. 

As Josh approached the silhouettes outlined in the frosted glass he made a point of leaning round the living room arch to check for Tyler, expecting him to be up and about given the hour. Upon finding the living room empty he frowned, perplexed - everything about his Saturday morning up to that point was unfamiliar and out of routine and Josh did not appreciate it. Roughly swinging the door open he found himself face to face with a police officer and a detective, startled Josh's hands fell slack at his sides in surprise. Mouth opening and closing several times Josh attempted to greet them, already beginning to regret how long he’d kept them waiting. When they asked to come in he settled for stepping out of the way and gesturing inside with a sweep of his arm not trusting his mouth to make coherent words. 

Unbeknown to Josh, occupied as he was showing the police to the kitchen table, Tyler was in his room packing. He made a point to smooth out the bed covers and arrange the throw pillows neatly hoping to make the everything appear as unused as possible, after which he sat on the floor to lace his sneakers. He'd been living out of his backpack since his arrival so it didn't take Tyler long to quietly collect up any lingering personal effects such as his toothbrush, notepad and phone charger while Josh was talking to the investigators. With his gear secured Tyler silently exited his bedroom, popped open the window on the landing and shimmied down the drainpipe, attempting to close the window as quietly as he could one handed. Hopping the fence, he ducked below window height and crept down the side alley that separated their house from the one to the right. At which point he flicked his hood up and wandered casually down the street, pulling out his head phones in preparation for the long walk to his parents house. 

Now all he had to do was hope that regardless of what the police wanted with Josh, though Tyler could hazard a guess, he was smart enough not to bring Tyler up when answering their questions. 

Josh could feel the stern gaze of the Detective scrutinising his dishevelled appearance, he swallowed thickly aware of how rough he looked. In his current mental state he didn’t have the patience for exchanging pleasantries so once the three of them were seated at his dining room table Josh fired off the first question.

“Is this about Debby Ryan?” He blurted before he could stop himself, the weight of 2 days worth of paranoia winning over his common sense. When the detective and accompanying officer shared a guarded glance Josh’s heart sank, he didn’t need the verbal confirmation nonetheless it followed soon after.

“I can confirm we are here about Miss Ryan, she was reported missing in the late hours of Tuesday night and hasn’t been seen since earlier that same evening. As one of the last people to see her, and the last person to have extended contact with her, we need to ask you a few questions,” The detective, who’s nametag read Pearson, reeled off stoically. He was trying not to sound accusatory or judgemental but Josh’s hasty enquiry had already painted a target on his forehead. 

Confident he had nothing to hide given he’d been at school surrounded by witnesses or in his bed asleep, Josh confirmed he was more than happy to answer any questions. Openly providing his whereabouts for the hours prior and following Debby’s suspected disappearance as well as confirming for Pearson what time Debby had left Josh's that evening. At which point the detective shared their rough timeline of events, using her initial leaving time, the hotel check out as well as her fuel stop and finally the call she shared with her fiance to form a cohesive view of Debby’s final few days. Once Detective Pearson finished speaking he paused to allow Josh to process the onslaught of information and ask any questions of his own, keeping a keen eye on the nervous man’s facial expression and twitchy leg bounce.

“Do you think Debby’s okay? Do you know where she went missing? So we know where to start organising searches,” Josh asked earnestly, already putting a mental plan together to contact his and Debby’s extended friend group to get a search party together.

“After detailed discussion with her finance, at this time we believe Debby was already under duress before she made contact with her partner, despite the lack of anything suspicious on CCTV we do believe an unknown third party intercepted either during or immediately following her stop at the gas station. Can you think of anyone in your shared immediate circle who may want to harm Miss Ryan?” Detective Pearson asked, his gaze razor sharp as he watched a muscle jump in Josh’s cheek. Grinding his teeth in an effort not to let the name of his one and only suspect roll off his tongue, Josh knew despite the non-confrontational demeanour his every move was being followed. Unable to keep the confused frown from his face he could only hope that was the intended response.

“Uh… No, not off the top of my head, should I? You don't honestly think one of our friends hurt her right?” Josh answered truthfully as he could in spite of his thoughts immediately circling to Tyler, he didn’t have to try too hard to look confused as his paranoia whispered in his ear that the detective was merely trying to catch him out. Perhaps they already knew of Tyler’s involvement and were waiting to see if Josh would cover for him. 

At which point Pearson nodded, looking satisfied with his answer, causing Josh to minutely slouch with relief. Hoping to block out the troubling tangent  Josh clamped down on his dark thoughts, forcing himself to focus all his attention on Pearson, who’d started talking again in the time his mind had wandered to Tyler.

“No, not at this time. I only ask on the off chance Debby herself had mentioned having any trouble with anyone. Her fiance was sure an odd phrase during their call had been used to alert him she was unsafe. A safety code left over from when they were in high school together. This was the first time she’d used the phrase in several years and her fiance didn’t think it was a coincidence so he called us. We’ve encountered this covert format of signalling duress before so when Debby didn’t turned up after 24 hours we began investigating with the immediate suspicion foul play may have been involved,” As soon as the words 'foul play' were uttered a vice clamped down around Josh’s lungs, struggling to breath his battered heart throbbed painfully between aching lungs. His already cracked psyche supplying a multitude of scenarios each more awful than the one that came before. Thoughts of Debby murdered and left in a ditch somewhere or worse still kidnapped and held against her will, at the mercy of some unknown monster. Seeing the distress written plainly across Josh’s face, Detective Pearson attempted to soften his tone as he began speaking again.

“Thank you for your cooperation so far Mr Dun. I’ve heard you pair were close and it probably makes you uncomfortable that we’re here asking you questions, they may make you feel as though we believe you had something to do with her disappearance, but I assure you this a preliminary step in any missing persons investigation and we don’t consider you a suspect at this time,” Detective Pearson attempted to reassure Josh, who didn’t truly believe him but nodded as though he did. Although it didn’t escape his notice that the Detective had only said he wasn’t a 'suspect' but failed to confirm or deny if Josh was a ‘person of interest’, “That said, I would be interested to know why you asked us if we were here about Debby? A little unusual given her fiance was the one who called us and as far as I’m aware you pair aren’t in contact with each other?”

Josh had been waiting for them to call out his initial slip-up for the entirety of the conversation thus far, in spite of his reassurances that Josh wasn’t a suspect every inch of Detective Pearson’s latter statement was drenched in accusation. As though he believed he’d already caught Josh out, despite his solid alibi which also covered him for the kidnapping as he wouldn’t have been unable to make it to the suspected area, kidnap Debby then do who knew what to her, as well as make it back again in time for morning lessons. 

“She didn’t reply to any of my texts asking her if she got home okay, I have pretty bad anxiety about that kind of thing so she always makes a point of letting me know. Then on Friday she didn’t call me for our evening catch-up, something she rarely ever misses, so when you guys turned up today... It just didn’t feel like a coincidence,” Josh shrugged miserably, unsure what more he could say without incriminating himself. 

“Ah, I see. I’m sure when we get Debby’s phone records they'll corroborate your story,” Detective Pearson nodded amicably, however his eyes had been drilling into Josh for the entirety of the questioning, analysing each shuffle or twitch Josh couldn’t restrain. Regardless of his friendly tone Josh didn’t believe he was entirely invested in Josh’s version of events.

“We will also need to contact the school you work for and have them confirm your alibi,” He continued almost as an after-thought. Upon Pearson finishing his sentence the cop he arrived with finally flipped closed his notepad, tucking it into his shirt pocket as he spoke up for the first time.

“Before we leave would you mind if we have a quick poke about? Given this was where Miss Ryan spent the majority of the time preceding her disappearance. All routine stuff,” Josh knew it was coming yet that didn’t make him panic any less. Fearful Tyler’s presence would be exposed but unable to refuse he gave his acceptance with a wave of his hand, hoping neither of the men across from him could see the sweat he felt beading at his temples.

“Yeah sure, that’s fine,” Josh acquiesced, trying not to sound as strained aloud as he did in his head. As the men disappeared deeper into his home Josh, hyper-tense by that point, begged the stars that Tyler had been smart enough to make himself scarce. 

When the pair eventually returned, finding Josh lent against the dining table tapping out a nervous beat with one hand and periodically running the other hand through his dishevelled hair, Detective Pearson informed him again that he wasn’t a suspect, that the search was just routine procedure. When neither uniform elaborated on whether they’d found anything of interest Josh’s anxiety refused to abate. He made sure to nod or shake his head in all the right places while wishing they’d leave so he could be alone with his mental and physical exhaustion. The leftovers from Thursday's assault had mixed with his current fears for Debby’s safety. Walking to the door with the assurance they’d keep him updated on the case, the pair departed with a polite head tilt and a reminder to get in contact if he remembered anything that might be pertinent to the investigation.

“Tyler what the fuck have you done?” Josh breathed in a rush of panicked air as the door shut. Leaning against it and letting his legs collapse under him. Josh slid to the floor in a heap of bone weary limbs, hating how out of control his life had felt since Tyler obliterated the sanctity of his home and inserted himself into all of Josh’s carefully constructed routines. After several minutes of panicked breathing Josh finally lifted his head from where he’d let it rest heavy on his chest, pulling himself from his overwhelming hopelessness by gripping hard onto the white-hot anger that had been lingering just under the surface of his numb fog for several days. Resolving to demand some honesty from Tyler as soon as he returned Josh made his way to the kitchen to fix himself a proper meal before he took a shower, finally taking some care of himself for the first time in 3 days.

Tyler returned late in the evening once he was sure their house wasn’t under watch from anyone but himself, crossing the threshold he wandered into the living room where he’d spotted Josh led out on the couch, beer in hand, listening to something calming on Spotify.

“What did the police want, Josh?” Tyler asked bluntly, not bothering with subtlety or even a greeting. For once Josh was thankful, disinterested in pretending at civility when he just wanted to demand the truth from Tyler and get it over with.

“Debby, she’s… It’s Debby. She’s… Fuck.” Ill-prepared for how difficult it was to confront Debby’s disappearance aloud Josh found himself stumbling over his words, taking a deep breath to steady his frayed nerves he tried again, “She’s fucking missing and the cops think she was most likely kidnapped,”

“Fuck Josh... How do they know she was kidnapped? They don’t think you did it, right?” Tyler said in a rush, his gaze filling with concern as he moved toward Josh, his need to immediately offer comfort outweighing his annoyance that Debby’s investigation was already considering foul play a possibility. Josh was unsure if Tyler’s worry was in relation to Josh’s despair or aimed inwardly at the prospect of losing Josh over a crime he didn’t commit. 

“No they don’t think I did it, I have a solid alibi, but what about you Tyler?” Josh forced his most urgent question into the steadily tensing air between them. At this Tyler slowed his progress, staring at him across the room with narrowed eyes. Staring back at Tyler a sense of resigned acceptance settled heavy in Josh’s guts - close to 100% his suspicions were correct, “You were gone overnight, where were you? And the other night…” In spite of the lump forming in his throat Josh used his anger to push through the grief at directly confronting his assault.

”Wednesday night. Why did you do that? Why that night?” After placing his beer on the coffee table Josh stood up, walking toward Tyler who met him halfway, both coming to a stop a few paces apart in the centre of their living room.

“I already told you, I was at my parents. And the other night just felt like the right time. Debby stole our weekend from us, like she didn’t even warn you she was gonna’ come round… And then work and everything, we hadn’t spent hardly any time together. I just wanted to feel close again,” Tyler argued, voiced laced with frustration, offended that Josh dare consider him a suspect ahead of any evidence even hinting as much.

“Bullshit. Debby didn’t steal anything. And she turned up without warning because she was worried about me! She knew I’d brush her off and tell her I was fine if she asked to come stay. Try again Tyler because somethings not adding up,” Josh flung his arms out wide in exasperation, too used to Tyler’s lies to fall for them so easy anymore. It was only when Tyler pulled himself out of his usual slouch to stand alert, slim shoulders squared, in response to Josh’s threatening gesture that he realised they’d shifted closer. As ever reeled in by the others orbit, in spite of their current mutual frustration. 

“Like I just said, I was visiting my parents and I wanted my first time to be with you! So Debby’s vanished. I don’t get what that’s got to do with you, me or our night together? Wasn’t she already kidnapped by then? What do you want from me?” He’s flippant, as though they're discussing spilt milk not Josh’s missing best friend. Tyler’s affected indifference incensed Josh, disgusted on Debby’s behalf at Tyler’s lack of empathy for either of them.

“Stop fucking lying Tyler! If you care about me that much why is it so goddamn hard for you to tell me the fucking truth?” In his fit of anger Josh had leaned carelessly into Tyler’s personal space, hands gesturing frantically between them, unworried for the damage he knew Tyler was willing and capable of should he lash out in response.

“Because you’ll fucking leave me that’s why! When everything I’ve ever done I’ve done for you. And if you leave then it will all have been for fucking nothing!” Tyler exploded without warning, sick of Debby still violating their relationship despite being dead and buried. Breathing just as harshly as Josh, his soft spoken frustration nothing but ancient history, a relic of a bygone personality, he lent just as much into Josh’s space, leveraging the small amount of height he had over him in threat. 

Almost pressed nose to nose he could feel Josh’s rough exhales ghosting across his mouth, the effect quelling his anger somewhat. He’d always enjoyed when Josh got passionate; whether about something he enjoyed or just because he was angry with Tyler didn’t really matter. He looked beautiful, pink flush, gritted teeth, the spasmodic clenching and unclenching of his fists however, did keep him a little wary. 

“Leave!? What the fuck do you mean leave? You wont fucking let me leave! It’s not a matter of if I want to or not, ugh… Fuck… Forget it. Just tell me what you did to Debby! Where is my best friend!? Is she even alive? Tell me!” A tic flickered through Tyler’s eyebrow pulling a snarl into the bridge of his nose before he could stop it, in the constricting of Josh’s pupils he recognised the moment Josh realised he’d gone too far. Blur-Tyler’s hand moved, striking out in a rough grip around Josh’s neck, pressing his thumb into one of his jugular veins. He walked Josh backward 3 quick paces, slamming him into the wall before he’d even registered his body move. By that point anger was carving Josh’s face, causing sweat to dot his upper lip, it wouldn’t have been pretty to most people, but in Tyler’s opinion he looked better than fine art, pressing his forehead to Josh’s he barely restrained himself from licking the mingled sweat and saliva from the corner of Josh’s mouth, letting his head fall with a low groan he mouthed at Josh’s right ear.

“You want to know what happened to Debby? Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. I gave you plenty of opportunities to drop it and let us get on with our life together Josh, fucking remember that when we’re done,” Speaking directly into Josh’s ear, voice lowered, Tyler let every inch of icy resentment seep into his tone, hoping to relay to Josh exactly how disappointed he was in Josh’s continued pursuit of the topic. 

In spite of his continued annoyance Tyler did have an ulterior motive, although his plan relied heavily on Josh having been smart enough not to inform the police of their relationship. Doing so would ensure Josh had done most of the work to alienate himself from the police already, his own anxiety at having to keep up the lie would further push him away from them and closer to Tyler. Without Blurry needing to involve himself much in the investigation. Should the worst come to pass, which Tyler doubted, and Josh threatened to go to the police, Tyler was confident he could spin the situation to ensure they both looked in on the plan together. No matter the outcome he would keep Josh, neither Blurry nor Tyler was fussy about the lengths they had to go to do so.

“Why do you fucking care so much anyway, like I get you’re in love with this woman, but it’s not like it was mutual. Let her go you drip!” Josh isn’t sure what his face did but it made Tyler pause, fixing him with an inquisitive stare and raised eyebrow. Josh swallowed harshly not looking forward to having his secrets laid bare, the heated air of the room cooling down several degrees as his flared temper settled into something more uncomfortable, ”Oh... I’ve missed something haven’t I? There’s more to this story than you’re letting on, oh Josh, please share with the rest of the class,”

“It’s none of your fucking business Tyler, don’t change the topic,” He grunted, so close to finding out what happened to Debby he refused to let Tyler derail the topic.

“I don’t see how it isn’t my business, frankly it’s rude that you’re keeping secrets from your boyfriend, Josh,” When he flinched at the term Tyler growled, grabbing Josh’s jaw to pull their faces together, snarling his confirmation that Josh was his boyfriend whether he liked it or not into the slight brush of their lips, pressing their foreheads together in a poor reflection of intimacy. Following which he shoved Josh back hard enough to create an ache in the back of his neck, too startled to say anything Josh blinked at Tyler a couple of times, attempting to regain his equilibrium.

“We were together for a little while, like I said it doesn’t matter, just tell me what happened already,” Flustered, Josh poorly summed up what he and Debby had shared in a rush of stumbled words. Giving Tyler the bare minimum of an explanation while attempting to redirect him back to Debby’s whereabouts. Tyler, however, stubbornly ignored his obvious try to pull him back toward more pressing subjects.

“So wait. Just fucking wait a second...“ Tyler laughed a raw sarcastic sound, nothing pleasant or well meaning in the noise that clawed out of his throat,” Your... Seriously, you had that and still fucked off to a town miles away, for what? No wonder she went back to Mr Perfect!” He was laughing so hard he struggled to get his words out, telling Josh everything he needed to know about how pathetic Tyler truly found him. Needling at him a while longer Josh eventually filled him in on the extent of his time with Debby and the reasons behind his move and fresh start, anything to quiet the caustic laugh. 

“Oh wow. Wow. You sure fucked that up huh? Why didn’t you just... Oh I don't know fucking talk about all the shit in your head? Maybe get a new therapist?” He paused, laughter ending abruptly, his face falling quickly into a familiar blank mask. When he continued his voice was level, usual sarcasm tinting the edges less than friendly. 

“I mean she called you every fucking Friday. You thought she just wanted to talk about her day? Nah fuckup, she was waiting for you to get your shit together and set her free! So she wouldn’t have to worry about you topping yourself or whatever, so she could get on with her life, be with the man she actually loved...” Tyler paused then, a sharp little grin twitched up the corners of his plush mouth as he fixed Josh with a glacial stare, holding eye contact before continuing, ”Guess I fixed that little problem for her though, huh Josh?” 

Mind stuttering to a stop, Josh felt sick. A sensation similar to driving over a bridge too fast made his guts roll uncomfortably. At Tyler’s blasé admittance to Debby's murder he spun jerked away from Tyler as though he'd physically slapped him. Bending to put his hands on his knees Josh gasped through the onslaught of emotion slamming into him. Grief stabbed sharp into his chest, causing each thud of his heart to knock the breath out of him all over again, desperation followed sharply on its heels. Josh clawed his thumbs into the back of his neck as he straightened, using the pain to ground himself, with his all consuming heartbreak threatened to buckle his knees out from under him he paced the room, sobbing openly for his lost love. Uncaring for Tyler’s judgement at his continued affection for Debby and his failure to save her, failure to be anything but a blight on her life. 

“I can’t believe I took out my competition without even realising it,” He said in humoured wonderment. Acting purely on instinct without his conscious mind having the chance to make sense of Tyler’s word Josh spun on heel, sending all his rage and grief into a solid right hook. Tyler, unprepared for such a physical reaction from Josh, sprawled gracelessly onto the floor in a heap of heavy groaning limbs.

Grunting in pain as he sat up Tyler dabbed at his eye socket with his sleeve. He dropped his voice to a quiet whisper as he spoke, eventually climbing to his feet and coming back to stand in front of Josh. 

“If it makes you feel any better if I ever had to give you up to anyone, it would have been her. Not that I would, I’d kill us both before that happened,” Josh doesn’t doubt the steely conviction he’d adopted at the suggestion of their theoretical murder-suicide. 

He ends his confession an inch from Josh’s mouth before pulling him into a slow, deep open-mouthed kiss. Ignoring the tears sluicing down Josh's face and his hitching breaths. Every part possessive as well as indulgent, the act meant to reinforce to Josh exactly who he’d been claimed by. Slack-jawed, Josh was still reeling when Tyler began speaking again, still in a low secretive whisper, clearly uncaring for the red angry welt below his right eye.

“You wanna know something interesting Josh? Something important me and Debby discussed before her end? Huh Josh?” 

“Sure.” He responded stiffly, not really wanting to know anything more, but feeling like Tyler wasn’t giving him a choice - question purely rhetorical.

“Credit where it’s due, she was a smart one Debby. Worked out in a weekend what you haven’t figured out in almost a month of me living with you,” Had it really been that long? Josh felt surprise in the twitch of his fingers as he mentally counted the weeks, a small smile hitched up the edge of Tyler’s mouth as he watched Josh compute the time-frame of his stay, ”Want to know what she asked me before her end?”

He lent forward taking up Josh’s field of vision, giving him no choice but to meet a stare that would give a great white shark nightmares.

“She asked me who I was,” A chain reaction occurred in Josh’s frazzled mind, puzzle pieces of suspicion all clattering into place simultaneously, Debby’s advice of ‘try asking him,’ when they’d discussed Tyler’s mental state pierced through the anxious clamour of his mind, he swallowed thickly before taking her advice.

“And… Uh... So, if you’re not Tyler, then who are you?” He felt his face redden, feeling stupid in spite of Tyler leading the conversation to Josh's inevitable enquiry.

“I’m Blurryface.” He stated calmly, keeping Josh locked in his dead-eyed gaze so he could savour his reaction, a menagerie of emotion flitting across his face in quick succession: surprise, confusion, and finally baffled acceptance. The effects of which played out in a widening of his tired eyes as well as the frown line pinching the space between his brows tight, in spite of his parted lips no words came forth for several long beats. 

“Blurryface,” Josh eventually repeated, trying the name out on his tongue, letting his memory rearrange itself as it slotted in such a crucial piece of information. Many of their conversations and several instances of Tyler’s memory gaps suddenly took on new meaning.

“Blurry for short,” He suggested offhandedly with a shrug of one bony shoulder, as though it wasn’t that big of a deal what he was referred to as - so long as it wasn’t Tyler.

“Oh, okay,” Only half paying attention Josh simply accepted the nickname. Blurry was his own person, despite ‘looking’ like Tyler, why wouldn’t he have a nickname? Josh wasn’t feeling very well, everything had begun to blur at the edge of his vision. 

“Sometimes I call Tyler, ‘Ty’, but only in my head,” He continued absentmindedly, the confusion over why he’d admitted something that could so easily be used against him hit him half a second later. The past 24 hours was beginning to catch up with him, exhaustion making him feel as though he was thinking through smoke, everything out of focus, his bones and heart felt like they were made of lead, the combined effect weighing him down, making his eyes sting. 

“That’s nice, you should call him that to his face, he’d love that,” Blurryface replied, his tone half a degree warmer than the standard monotone, almost making him sound fond of his sunnier counterpart. However the expression he fixed Josh with was calculating and tinged with some flavour of triumphant, if Josh had regretted his admittance before his regret only doubled with Blurry’s reply. Feeling as though he’d just played straight into Blurry’s hand in some way. How? He wasn’t yet sure.

“No. I don’t want to do that, not anymore at least. If I ever did,” Josh’s response was firm, coming back to the present from where he’d been adding Blurryface into each of the memories Josh was certain he’d encountered him in, as well as puzzling over several situations in which he was no longer sure whom he’d been speaking with. The two instances of intimacy they’d shared were still too painful, too traumatising for him to associate with anything other than revulsion and fear, however they also made him realise how thankful he was for the clear definition between the two separate identities. Despite the easy brutality Blurryface was clearly capable of, Tyler’s was a more sickly, more licentious, more soft sort of violence and Josh struggled with that more so than Blurry’s ice-cold but direct brand of calculated rage.

“Thanks for telling me the truth. About Debby. It doesn’t heal anything but I needed to know. Not just because I needed closure but also so I can deal with the fucking police investigation heading my way… Thanks to you.” Josh sat heavily on the couch with his face in his hands, periodically pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes to watch the colours dance across his closed lids. 

Several seconds later Blurry came to sit next to him, an arms width between them, quietly observing, satisfied overall with the outcome of their argument. 20 minutes came and went without a further word exchanged, eventually Blurry settled a palm flat on the cushion at Josh’s hip, leaving it there even as Josh lowered his hands to shoot him a mistrustful side glance. Not able to stand Blurry’s silent support any longer Josh left for the shower, letting his tears mingle with the cleansing water as he let the routine of washing himself soothe some of the harsher emotions he was still holding on to. 

That night Tyler followed Josh to his room, proceeding to get ready for bed as though he belonged there. Trying not to stare, Josh tracked him hesitantly as Tyler stripped down to his underwear and climbed into his preferred side of the bed. It wasn’t until he’d put his phone on charge and led down with his eyes closed that Josh felt safe enough to go through his own nightly routine. Gingerly getting into his own side of the bed he settled in for a long night, wide awake again in spite of his earlier efforts to quiet his mind for rest. Unable to fall asleep, Josh startled nervously every time Tyler shifted, almost yelping with fright when a foot brushed up against Josh’s leg. 

With Tyler sleeping peacefully at his side and the fallout out of the night's revelations still bouncing around his mind, Josh knew his own sleep was going to be far out of reach for a long time yet. Laying still with his back to Tyler, he watched the numbers on his alarm clock until 1:30AM ticked on closer to 2AM. Sure Tyler was in a sufficiently deep sleep Josh stealthily slipped out of bed, unwilling to share a bed with the monster from his torments a moment longer than he had to he quietly made his way downstairs. Successfully he navigated his darkened house, creeping into the living room whereupon he stretched out on the couch, throwing a blanket onto himself as he did so. Swiftly he slipped into a light doze.

  
**END** .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @novioktober on tumblr


	12. Act X: Sanctuary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> despite mourning rn i forced myself to come back, it’s simply been unforgivably long. (track: aurora - soft universe / nine inch nails - head like a hole) 
> 
> also changed the direction this fic is going. fuck it. and massively overhauled all the prior chapters. major plot points haven't changed but plenty of minor details have, dont have to reread im just letting you know.

Time had begun to blur. Months blending to form a hazy nightmare. 

In the wake of the investigation finding nothing everyone started to forget. Sure they found the car, but the barest traces of blood in the trunk wasn’t evidence enough to point them in a new direction. Sure, for a time their searches focused on the area surrounding the vehicle's location, but nothing new came of that either. Sure, everyone _said_ they still cared, that bringing Debby home was the utmost priority. But actions spoke louder than words and eventually their urgency quietened down. People gave up, had to return to jobs, families, normalcy and slowly the updates from the cops became fewer and fewer - 'we'll let you know as soon as we have something'. Then nothing. 

Slowly, quietly, change crept up on the sombre household. A tidal shift occurring as the investigation, search parties and police interviews wound down. Even though Josh was cleared as a person of interest he still couldn't face Debby's family, their shared friends, or the cops. The secrets lodged at the back of his skull, pinned behind his eyes, clawing at his throat, all refused to be forgotten or suppressed, fighting for release every time he opened his mouth. And too soon it wasn’t just his own guilt he had to contend with.

Josh's world fell away as rumours and theories began to collect around him akin to his own personal rain clouds. Grief only an excuse that carried for so long before people became suspicious his quiet insular nature was hiding something darker, his silence a cover for not telling all that he knew. Friends, family members, even strangers, suspected he had something to do with Debby's disappearance. Regardless of his confirmed alibi, people talked, side eyed him during searches, whispered when he passed them in the store, even the school faculty was bad for it - prompting Josh to take an extended leave of absence. 

So smaller and smaller Josh’s world became. Soon it wasn't just him avoiding Debby's family and friends, they began to curb him just as much in return. Then there was Tyler. Left with little choice and an unconscious need to reach out to someone, anyone Josh could speak to without constantly having to check his words or fear their judgement, Tyler began to ease himself back into Josh's life.

Tyler bided his time, playing the long game as well as he knew he could. Look how long he'd waited to reveal himself as Josh's admirer? He could wait just as long to make Josh his, and his alone. He'd bear every shred of Josh's misspent guilt happily if it meant the embodiment of his affections turned to him for his every need, and thought, and secret. It was a softer, more subtle sort of support, less creepy than Josh thought either Blurry or Tyler had any right to be. 

Which is why Josh didn't notice quite how much he found himself leaning on Tyler until the realisation abruptly slammed into him late one evening. When he found himself sobbing into Tyler's bony shoulder. 

Clinging to one of his own misappropriated hoodies Josh cussed out Tyler and Blurryface in equal measure between hitching sobs and coughing fits. The mauve article hung from Tyler's skinny, over metabolized frame. Josh’d long stopped caring about 'borrowed' clothes, such things becoming trivial amidst the maelstrom his life had become.

Tyler sat stoically bearing the onslaught of Josh's emotions but didn’t engage him physically, didn’t throw his arms around him and hold him close as he longed to. The night they’d shared had set a new precedent. Blurry made sure Tyler learned as such. He’d taken too much from Josh too soon, lost as he often was in his own delusion - destroying their tentative trust in the process. Blurry had reigned him in since, but forced him to watch Josh crumble in the meantime, refusing Tyler every time he’d tried to retreat into the quietness of his subconscious. Choosing to keep him at the forefront, witness to every moment of Josh’s agony. 

Tyler just had to be patient, he’d laid _his_ cards on the table, glaringly so, now it was time to wait for Josh to come to him. Blurry had been sure he would, so Tyler had been too. And finally. Finally. Weeks of painfully watching Josh grieve Debby, isolating himself from everyone in the process, and being unable to offer comfort to the one person he cared for above all things at their most vulnerable, had finally paid off.

“Why are you just sat there? Why aren’t you saying anything?” Josh whispered, slowly lifting his head to look at Tyler through wet lashes, the tear tracks on his cheeks glistening under soft lamplight. Tyler’s breath caught in his throat, Josh looked like he belonged in an art gallery, displayed amongst masterpieces by the old greats, Angelo, Sargent, Schiele… Josh fit right in, a masterpiece in all his emotions.

“What do you want me to do? Or say? All you’ve done is call me names and tell me to fuck off,” Tyler didn’t mean for his response to come out as curt as it did, but Blurry’s lingering annoyance at Josh’s tirade was bleeding into his mood. 

“Usually, wouldn’t you… Well. I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m saying right now,” Josh became defensive, second guessing himself and what he was about to ask of Tyler. Defensive upon realising how much he _had_ been relying on Tyler for support, sympathy or general help while he’d grieved Debby and simultaneously borne the brunt of police interviews and useless searches that lasted late into the night. 

Finally noticing Tyler slipping deftly, silently, ever the ghost, into the Debby shaped hole in his life, despite Blurry being the reason she was no longer there, ate uneasily at Josh’s heart. 

“Tell me. What do you need?” Tyler’s voice was soft, nasally, no pressure or demand in the words. Simple suggestion. His hands rested still in his lap, twitching periodically from his barely restrained desire to grab Josh’s in his own.

"Please..." Mumbled, trailing off toward the 's'. Barely above begging. Finally Tyler pulled Josh into a proper embrace, who dropped his head heavily into the crook of Tyler's neck. Self-hate evident in the clawed, borderline painful grip he kept around Tyler’s rib cage and in his hair. 

Josh cried harder. Tyler pressed a feather light kiss to the top of his head. Basking in the pride of his success. A secret he hid in Josh's curls. They sat there, Tyler holding Josh close and gently rocking the pair of them, for a few minutes until Josh tensed. 

It hadn’t been more than 3 minutes before Josh calmed down enough to unwind himself, suddenly uncomfortable with his outburst. In the past few months he felt he’d done enough crying to last a lifetime... Nonetheless the weight of what Josh knew drove him to frequent bouts of frustrated tears. He wanted to hate Tyler for walking into his classroom, wanted to throw Blurry out… Or kill him. Wanted, wanted, wanted. But he couldn’t. 

Although in his mind he could separate Tyler and Blurry, in reality Blurry still wore Tyler’s face, they were still two facets of the same body. That was still the face of a killer. Feeling sheepish, he grumbled a rough ‘thanks’ and shuffled further along the couch, not quite out of arm's reach but far enough away that Tyler couldn’t ‘accidentally’ knock knees with him or reach out without the movement being well telegraphed.

“Do you want to talk about her?” Tyler asked softly, unaware of Josh’s internal back and forth about him.

“Debby?” Responded Josh wearily, all too aware of Tyler’s more than hostile feelings toward his best friend.

“Yeah, that’s what people do right? To work through grief,”

“Tyler you’re the last person I’d want to talk to about her, you disliked Debby from the moment you laid eyes on her. And that’s without mentioning what Blurry did,” Attempting to speak around the tangle of emotions still lodged in his throat softened the statement into something confused over the incredulity Josh actually felt.

“Doesn’t matter how I feel. Debby was important to you,” In reality Tyler had no desire to talk at length about Debby, however he wanted Josh to come to rely on him so he knew he needed to be approachable. 

Which is how they ended up wiling away the afternoon and long into the evening with Tyler enraptured in stories of Josh’s life before their meeting. It wasn’t difficult for Tyler to get him onto topics broader than just the times he shared with Debby, eager to fondly reminisce on lighter days from his childhood or the humorous situations he found himself in with his Uni friends.

What Tyler initially shared in return was piecemeal, preferring to lead Josh off on tangents or ask questions covering every aspect of Josh’s history he could think of - his school, major, siblings, hobbies and any other avenue his mind wandered down. Eventually coming to learn the locked door at the end of the downstairs hallway contained Josh’s old drum kit quickly derailed their winding reminiscence further still, culminating in an in-depth discussion over their shared musical inclinations, whereupon Tyler finally opened up about his notebook filled with songs.

As much as he didn’t want to disturb the closeness burgeoning between them, it was Tyler who finally remarked on the darkening hour, suggesting it might be a good idea to make dinner before it got any later. In response Josh’s eyes shot to the wall clock, surprise swiftly surfacing as a pink tint to his ears and cheekbones, bashful that he’d let himself get so carried away rambling to Tyler about ancient history. 

Following a quick dinner of reheated leftovers the pair parted ways for bed. Practically vibrating with joy Tyler bid Josh goodnight and carried on to his own room, where he lay late into the night replaying the day's interactions in his mind. Feeling proud that he’d found a way to make Josh smile and laugh again, no matter how indirectly, after the oppressive sadness that had characterised their home for so long. 

Saturday dawned bright and refreshing, the onset of March finally promising kinder weather over the sleety rain that had defined the New Year. Following a noon-day run and subsequent shower Josh changed before heading downstairs to grab a drink. He was standing at the kitchen counter tapping a distracted beat, thoughts trying to force themselves in dark directions when it struck him how quiet the house was. No music, nor TV, nor Tyler singing quietly while he wrote, just suspended stillness. With a sudden, all consuming need to lay eyes on his quiet companion Josh took off to locate him. A search that didn’t take long, crossing the living room Josh found Tyler led on the plush carpet, dozing by the sliding glass doors that led to the back yard.

Tyler was splayed out in a manner akin to an exultant cat, soaking up a beam of golden sunlight. Josh could see the heat blush dusting across his high cheekbones, speckling along the bridge of his nose before melting with the shadows of his eyelashes. Alongside the pink tint to his plush lower lip and a radiant bronzing to his hair the display coalesced into an image both celestial and debauched. Josh was instantly enraptured, wishing to run his hands along every available swathe of tan darkened skin, yet in the next breath he felt compelled to look away, unworthy to gaze upon Tyler so freely presenting himself to mid-afternoon sun. Though he knew an invitation to stare would be freely granted could he only bring himself to ask. The sudden intensity of his want shocked and frightened him.

Cracking one eye open just a hint Tyler gazed up at him, after several seconds of drinking in a freshly showered Josh he patted the empty space beside him, welcoming the company with a sleepy smile. Hesitantly Josh followed the instruction, seating himself rigidly beside the reclined youth, his ever fidgety fingers dancing in the small distance between them. Sensing Josh’s unrest Tyler reached for one of his restless hands intent on distracting him, hopeful he’d correctly judged the shifting mood following the previous night. Slowly placing his palm across the back of Josh’s hand Tyler entangled their fingers then gently began to pull the now slack palm toward himself. 

Tyler continued to guide their entwined hands south, so much so Josh's breath kicked up a nervous notch. A second away from pulling his hand from Tyler's grasp and fleeing the room to berate himself - what had he really expected would happen? When Tyler shifted Josh’s hand to the right and placed it just above his knee, brushing Josh's fingertips up and down his thigh a couple of times before letting go, on the unspoken understanding Josh could continue if he so desired. Surprising even himself Josh willingly began brushing his thumb up the inside of Tyler’s thigh, stopping just shy of his camo shorts before sweeping the backs of his fingers down the top of his knee. Repeating the motion at an unharried pace he soon found himself caught up in a tranquil trance, his previous tense discomfort draining away.

"I thought you'd feel okay, safe I guess, stroking my leg and I like having my thighs touched," His voice was a nasal rasp from dozing hot and sun sleepy for the past hour or so. Josh found something addictive in the rough honest texture of the vocalisation, suddenly wanting Tyler to break the silence again with something, anything, else.

"Yeah, it's... Nice. Relaxing for me too. Where else?" Josh whispered, not even sure why. There’s only the two of them in the house, but Tyler’s voice had been hushed so it felt appropriate, caught up in the soft desire of the moment evolving between them.

"That I like to be touched? Yeah, couple places actually, here" He smoothed a thumb up the side of his ribcage, "here" he repeated tracing along the side of his neck, "here" he said a third time, trailing his fingers in a horizontal path just above the waistband of his shorts, "and here" Tyler said for the final time, reaching up, Josh tracked his arm, enraptured, not registering his intent fast enough to shift away. Tyler didn't do anything overly provocative, merely brushed the backs of his fingers down the line of Josh's jaw before letting his arm fall to rest across his own stomach, leaving Josh to decide his next move. He stays, reaching out for Tyler again.

He’s sat at his desk, the hour drawing close to 8, not even sure why since he’d been forced to take leave, but the comfortable leather chair was as good a place to think as any. Pondering the state of his relationship with Tyler after their hazy afternoon of casual touches. Josh could feel himself changing, could feel it in his marrow. But he didn't know how to stop it. Wasn’t sure how Tyler had honed the deepening emotions between them, but something had shifted and Josh felt helpless to the pull, the electricity that arced dangerously between them. Dangerous in the sense it was addictive, the attention was becoming addictive, and Josh felt caught up in an inescapable feedback loop. Needing Tyler for stability as much as Tyler needed Josh for stability. Keeping the other's darkness at bay.

"Tyler…" Josh's voice cracked with the force of his warring emotions. He didn't have to look behind him to know Tyler had returned, it no longer mattered how quiet he walked, Josh could feel Tyler's presence like static in the air, prickling at his skin, forcing him to notice. 

"I don't understand why this is happening," He uttered desperately, unable to articulate what was actually happening to them, “Why me?”

He didn't resist when Tyler approached from behind and wrapped his arms around Josh's shoulders. Giving in to the contact Josh lent back, meeting Tyler in a reverse embrace.

“You make my world feel a little less fractured. A little less untethered. I don’t feel like I’m free falling anymore...” Tyler took a deep breath, his own intense emotions making it hard to speak, “You... It’s… I feel safe,”

Josh’s laugh was mirthless but still he stayed.

  
  


**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a mash up of two chapters that refused to work alone and initially led to me getting mad and overhauling the whole stupid fic. stupid chapter(s), stupid me. 
> 
> @novioktober on tumblr


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